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Dogbert says to a customer, "I asked the boss to sell it at your price." Dogbert continues, "He told me to drive over your foot and steal your purse." Dogbert continues, "Buy maybe I can convince him to take your first-born son instead." The woman says, "He IS my first-born son!!"
Dilbert, Ted and a woman sit at a conference table. Dilbert says, "Ted, can you explain number two?" Ted replies, "No. I'm on vacation." Ted explains, "I take my vacations in ten minute increments during regular work days. That way I can avoid assignments." Dilbert says, "Your ten minutes are up." Ted coughs and says, "Whoa, I'd better take some sick time."
Dogbert stands in the door under a sign that says, "Dogbert's Jail for the Rich and Famous." A man carrying a briefcase says, "Checking in." Dogbert sits at a desk reading a document and the man sits across from him. Dogbert says, "Your record says you stole three billion dollars from investors." The man laughs. Dogbert continues, "I guess you've learned your lesson." The man looks at his watch and says, "Whoa! Looks like my jail term is almost over!"
One Elbonian asks another, "How many left-handed Elbonians does it take to change a light bulb?" The Elbonian says, "None! Left-handed Elbonians don't have any light bulbs!" The other Elbonian asks, "What's a light bulb?" The Elbonian replies, "I guess it would be funnier if we knew that."
Dilbert sits at his desk. The Boss says, "Dilbert, you're being temporarily transferred to the field sales organization." The Boss continues, "Normally we use these assignments to round somebody out for management. But in this case I'm just yanking your chain!" Dilbert says, "You're over-communicating again, sir." The Boss continues, "Plus, I hate the manager of sales."
Dilbert sits in his chair and Dogbert stands on the hassock. Dogbert says, "I'm going to open a school for people who are technology imbeciles." Dogbert continues, "I'll teach people how to use automatic bank machines, microwave ovens, video recorders, CD players, that sort of thing . . ." Dogbert sits at a desk labeled "Imbecile Admissions." A little boy holds his father's hand and says, "I thought he was reasonably bright until we got the VCR . . ." Dogbert replies, "They can fool you."
Dilbert sneaks into a cubicle and thinks, "If the warehouse won't replace my broken chair, I'll just take one from somebody else." Dilbert reaches for a chair and thinks, "Technically, it's not stealing because the chair belongs to the company either way." Dilbert thinks, "What's the worst thing that could happen?" Phil the Ruler of Heck stands behind Dilbert and says into a walkie-talkie, "Hold the elevator . . . Over."
dilbert: I'm going to defy the cubicle gestapo and keep this plastic plant on my desk. Im a rebel...Im evil. My anti perspirant is breaking down! Dilbert: Sometimes a man has to take a stand. Dogbert: could he stand someplace else?
The Boss: How's your project coming along? Dilbert: Its under-funded and doomed. But Ive got some goof inertia going and Im setting the marketing department up to take the blame. The Boss: I feel like I should be doing something here. Dilbert: Ive got you planned to make an uniformed decision next week.
Dilbert: I think I found a woman who likes me, dogcart. Dogbert: No way! Dilbert: Its Phil, the prince of insufficient light! PHIL: Heck just froze over. Dilbert: This is NOT my fault! PHIL: tell them.