Manage Resources Comic Strips - Page 5

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281 Results for Manage Resources

View 41 - 50 results for manage resources comic strips. Discover the best "Manage Resources" comics from Dilbert.com.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #air, #company resources, #contractor, #demands, #gravity, #hover, #using earth, #cheap, #resources

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The Boss says to Carl, "Carl, you're only a contractor. You have to stop using company resources." Carl mumbles angrily, "Mmn, Nph, Hbm, Mrm!" The Boss replies, "Yes, I know you bring your own air. But you still use our gravity." Carl is taken aback. He mumbles, "Fbm, Gmp, Rkr!" The Boss responds, "If it's not too much to ask, could you hover?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #evil director, #human resources, #assistant recovers, #cold or flu, #should dissolved, #winged demon, #business

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The Boss says to Asok, "Asok, I want you to work for the evil director of human resources until his assistant recovers." Asok replies, "From what is he recovering? Is it a cold or perhaps a flu?" The Boss responds, "He saw so much evil that his soul dissolved and he became a winged demon."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #manage time, #high priorities, #low priorities, #freakin loser

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Dogbert stands on The Boss' desk. Dogbert says, "I can teach you to manage your time more efficiently." Dogbert continues, "Put all of your high priorities on one list and your low priorities on another." Dogbert finishes, "Then do everything on both lists even if it kills you. Otherwise you're a freakin' loser."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #can't read, #ceo, #copies, #esearch, #hand off, #manage data, #no copies, #smother me, #documents

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CEO says...: The CEO is sitting at his desk showing a folder to the Senior VP. The CEO says to the Senior VP: "The research supports my strategy." The CEO hands the folder to the Senior VP and says: "You can read the research but don't make copies." Senior VP says...: The Senior VP is holding the folder with both hands and says to the VP: "I can tell you about it but you can't read it." VP says...: The VP says to the Assistant VP: "I don't remember the reason but I'm sure there is one." Assistant VP says...: The Assistant VP is sitting at his desk and he says to the boss: "There's no reason." The boss, Wally and Dilbert are in a meeting and the boss says to them: "Our strategy is a huge mistake but we have to do it anyway." Dilbert is holding a suitcase and says to Dogbert: "After I fall asleep tonight, please smother me with a pillow." The CEO is sitting at his desk and thinks: "My people love me because I manage with data."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #boss booked, #highest ratio, #unavailabilty, #usefulness, #sound insulting, #do math, #human resources, #business

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Alice asks The Boss, "How about any Tuesday this year?" The Boss replies, "No, I'm booked." Alice says, "You have the highest ratio of unavailability to usefulness I've ever seen." The Boss asks Catbert, "Does that sound like an insult?" Catbert replies, "If I could do math I wouldn't be working in human resources."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #perfromance evaluation, #seven layers, #sign, #boss sign evaluation, #manage myself

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The Boss says to Alice, "Alice, write a performance evaluation of yourself for me to sign." Alice replies, "What will our seven layers of management be doing while I manage myself?? Alice continues, "Sorry. I'll ding myself for that on my evaluation." The Boss says, "If you can't find me, have Carol sign my name."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #employees, #called resources, #too complimentray, #human capital, #demanding hay, #business

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Catbert is sitting on The Boss' desk. Catbert says to The Boss, "I'm tired of calling the employees 'Resources.' It's too complimentary." Catbert continues, "I'm thinking of something along the lines of livestock or human capital." The Boss responds, "I don't want them demanding hay." Catbert says, "Good point. We'll go with human capital."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #vendor, #integrates, #resources, #optimize, #performance, #technology, #integrated

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Headline: The Vendor That Couldn't Describe His Company's Product. A salesman says, "It integrates the resources..." The salesman continues, "To optimize the performance of technology." Dilbert asks, "Yeah, but what is it?" The salesman responds, "Hey, if you don't want your resources to be integrated, just say so."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #human resources, #cubicle, #grim reeper, #layoffs, #stranger, #business

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The Boss addresses a meeting, "Human Resources is sending a designated firer to do layoffs." The Boss turns quickly and waves his hands in an employee's face. The Boss says, "If a stranger approaches your cubicle, it means you're toast!" The employee exclaims, "Gaaa!!!" A hooded weasel with a knife approaches Carol. He says, "Hell-o-o-o, Carol." He pauses and then continues, "Can you tell me where Ted sits?" Carol exclaims, "Gaaa!!"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #created time line, #identified resources, #revise timeline, #re examine, #thousand ways, #haven't done anything

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Wally: "In only one week my project team has created a time line and identified the resources we need." "Next week, we plan to revise the time line and re-examine our resource needs." "Good work." "There must be a thousand ways to say I haven't done anything." "Wait.."