Men Are Early Comic Strips - Page 5
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Alice says to the Boss, "Someone stole my purse." Alice continues, "So I used my navy seal training to booby-trap my cubicle." From Alice's cubicle someone screeches. "Aaiee!!!" Alice replies, "The mail is early today."
Wally says to the Boss, "I was so motivated by your pep talk yesterday that I came to work ten minutes early!" The Boss replies, "Wally, we start at eight, not at nine." Wally responds, "That's gonna cost you ten minutes."
The Boss types on his computer, "Due to worsening storm conditions, all 'non-essential' personnel may go home early." The Boss reaches in his desk drawer. The Boss peers out the window in his office through his binoculars and thinks to himself, "This will be the earliest round of layoffs ever."
The caption reads: "Dogbert consults." Dogbert holds a pointer and says, "You can revive the entrepreneurial spirit here by reminding people of the early years." Dogbert points to a picture of two homeless people. He says, "Your founders were two men who began in a cardboard box." Dogbert stands in front of the room of employees and says, "One bum midialed his bookie and accidently bought Cisco stock at the IPO."
Catbert says to Dilbert and Asok the Intern, "The company will be holding mandatory CPR training for all employees." Asok says, "GAA!!" The Boss looks on as Asok says to Catbert, "I am surrounded by pear-shaped, beef-eating, middle-aged men who I prefer not to touch." Catbert and The Boss look on as Asok rubs his chest and says, "Uh-oh... I hope that's just stress."
A woman, walking with Dilbert, says, "I like take-charge men who just say, 'C'mon, we're going someplace." Dilbert says to the woman, "C'mon, we're going to the bowling alley!" The woman says, "That's the dumbest idea I've ever heard." Dilbert says, "I think I see how this works."
Alice is leaving the office with her briefcase and her jacket. The Boss stands with his hands on his hips in the doorway behind her and says, "It looks like someone is leaving early." Alice turns and replies, "I started at 5 a.m. and I've already worked eighty hours this week." The Boss looks at her and says, "SO?" Alice replies, "I have a doctor's appointment...for female..." as the Boss puts his hands to his ears and yells, "No details! Go Go Go!"
Two women are at the gym. The dark haired says to the light haired, "I'm tired of dating attractive men who are dumb and self-centered." The dark haired continues, "Maybe I can find an intelligent homely guy and clean him up." The light haired exclaims, "No!!!" Dilbert approaches the women and asks, "Do you mind if I work in a set with those five-pounders?" The dark haired looks at Dilbert from the corner of her eye and smiles. The light haired screams, "Don't do it, Amber!"
Headline: Man-Hating Supervisor. The supervisor says to The Boss, "The men here are oblivious to my abuse. What did you do to them?" The Boss replies, "I siphoned off their self-respect and keep it in vials in a storage room." The supervisor says, "This is no fun. I quit." The Boss responds, "Do you want to yell at the vials with me?"
Dorie's Boss says to Dorie, "Dorie, send an e-mail: employees are leaving work too early." Dorie's Boss continues, "I was to see more cars in the parking lot after 6 p.m. otherwise, heads will roll!" Dorie responds, "You type your own e-mail." The Boss replies, "I can't do that AND do this menacing pose at the same time."