Most Qualified Applicant Comic Strips - Page 5
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284 Results for Most Qualified Applicant
View 41 - 50 results for most qualified applicant comic strips. Discover the best "Most Qualified Applicant" comics from Dilbert.com.
Friday October 15,
2004
Tags #new voice presdient, #right and wrong, #customers project, #hate the most, #charge for time
Transcript
The Boss: "Our new vice president of ethics will help you decide what's right and wrong." Wally: "When we talk to him, what customer's project should we charge for our time?" The Boss: "Whichever one we hate the most."
Thursday December 15,
2005
Tags #venture capitalist, #most desparate, #vc business, #idea worth funding, #crooked teeth
Transcript
"I'm Vijay, the world's most desperate venture capitalist." "The VC business is more competitive than ever. I'm going to stalk you until you come up with an idea worth funding." "No pressure, but all of my kids have crooked teeth."
Sunday September 02,
2012
Tags #gadgets, #mobile (cell) phones, #time travel, #rumour, #apple phone, #20 pixel camera, #picture of thoughts, #time machine, #future, #most handsome man, #android phone
Transcript
Dilbert: I heard a rumor that Apple's next phone will have a 20-megapixel camera. Topper: That's nothing! I heard you'll be able to hold the phone to your head and take a picture of your thoughts. And even that's nothing. Their next phone will be a time machine! Future Topper: Here I am from the future! I'm the most handsome man in the universe! Topper: So am I! Wally: He makes a good case for buying an Android phone. Both Toppers: I love me more than me. Topper hijack
Tuesday December 18,
2012
Tags #anger, #interviews, #job applicant, #second opinion, #jb hoppr, #bunny costume, #17 jobs, #2 years, #red flags, #rage issues, #passionate
Transcript
Boss: I need a second opinion on a job applicant. His name is J.B. Hopper. He dresses in a bunny costume and he's had seventeen jobs in two years. Catbert: Are there any red flags? Boss: I can't tell if he's passionate or if he has rage issues.
Saturday November 01,
2008
Tags #change is good, #most start ups fail, #questions at end
Transcript
The Boss says, "Change is good." Dilbert says, "Then why do most startups fail?" The Boss says, "I only take questions at the end." Someone says, "There's more?"
Wednesday March 24,
2010
Tags #leg, #rope, #attached, #crony, #ceo, #job, #new boss, #qualified, #monkey, #hammer, #hold, #suspicious, #business, #animals
Transcript
CEO says, "This rope is attached to a crony from my last CEO job." CEO says, "Give it a good yank and reel him in. He's your new boss." The Boss says, "Is he qualified for the job?" CEO says, "Like a monkey with a hammer!"
Sunday September 26,
2010
Tags #job interview, #employee, #walk, #coffee cup, #applicant, #phone, #ring, #wake up, #brag
Transcript
The Boss says, "Interview this applicant and tell me if he's right for our company." Wally says, "Tim, we don't set the bar as high as we used to."<BRWally says, "In our golden days, we insisted on employees who could work tirelessly through the night." Wally says, "As business slowed, we were happy with anyone who put in eight hours a day." Wally says, "then our best people left." Wally says, "Now on cubicles are mostly used for napping." Wally says, "So my question is this: Would a ringing phone wak you up?" Tim says, "Probably." Wally says, "He comes across as a braggart."
Sunday April 15,
2001
Tags #most valuable asset, #rampant ignorance, #really cost, #better jobs, #across the street, #don't know bugs, #wearing trash cans, #accidental exposure, #consultant, #business
Transcript
Dogbert is sitting at a conference table across from Dilbert and Alice and flanked by the boss and Wally. Dogbert says, "What is your most valuable asset?" Wally says, "Employees?" The boss stifles a laugh "Hee" Dogbert says, "Your most valuable asset is rampant ignorance." Dogbert continues, "For example, you would never start a project if you knw how much it would really cost." Turning to Wally, Dogbert says, "Employees stay here because they don't know there are better jobs across the street." Wally says, "What?" Turning to the boss, Dogbert says, "Customers buy your products because they don't know about all the bugs." The boss says, "Good point." Holding a trashcan, Dogbert says, "I recommend wearing trash cans on your heads to avoid any accidental exposure to knowledge." An employee, wearing a trashcan over his head, says, "Did he tell you he was a consultant?" Another trashcanned employee says, "He said he was selling trash cans."
Wednesday July 17,
2013
Tags #deception, #executives, #teaching, #metor, #nderlings, #qualified, #education
Transcript
Boss: Would you be my mentor? CEO: It's better for me if none of my underlings are qualified to take my job. Boss: I think you just taught me something. CEO: Gaaa!!! I hate it when I do that!
Thursday March 13,
2014
Tags #competition (psychology), #pride, #a-b testing, #traffic to site, #most effective search terms, #wingless skunk, #junkyard sbnack, #planned injury, #topper
Transcript
Coworker: I did A-B testing and found the search terms that bring the most people to our site. The most effective search terms are "wingless skunk," "junkyard snack," and "planned injury." Topper: Well, duh! You could have just asked me. Topper