No Goals Comic Strips - Page 5

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

65 Results for No Goals

View 41 - 50 results for no goals comic strips. Discover the best "No Goals" comics from Dilbert.com.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #ball, #bonk, #Dilbert, #head bounce, #make goal, #soccer game, #strike, #uses head bonk

View Transcript

Transcript

BONK Dilbert: Gee, Ive scored five goals that way. Liz: you've got a good head for this game.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #customer service, #downsize, #improve service

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss: Our two goals this year are to downsize and to improve customer service. Dilbert: question: how can you improve service if you're getting rid f service people? The Boss: who do you think is screwing up the customer service? duh...

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #long range career goal, #arm wrestle, #have job in six months, #working for her, #women college, #confident and assertive

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert sits at a table with a woman. Dilbert asks, "If you were hired, what would be your long-range career goals?" The woman replies, "I'd have your job in six months. In a year you'd be working for me, you big pile of dinosaur dung." Dilbert looks at the woman's resume and says, "I see you attended an all women's college. Does that make you more confident and assertive?" The woman puts her elbow on the table and says, "Either arm. Let's go."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #taken vacation, #use vacation days, #work 7 days a week, #year end review, #artificial project, #vacation target, #mutually exclusive goal, #frustration

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss, Alice, Wally and Dilbert sit at a conference table. The Boss says, "Alice, our records show that you haven't taken a vacation all year." The Boss continues, "Company policy requires you to use your vacation days." Alice says, "How?? You told me to work seven days a week to prepare the project for your boss's year-end review." Alice asks, "Do you want me to meet the artificial project target or the artificial vacation target?" Alice stands up and screams, "Hello!!! These are mutually exclusive goals!!! Hello!!!" Alice says, "Ooh . . . Sorry, I usually just think that last part in silent frustration." The Boss says, "Moving right along . . . Kudos to Wally for using all of his vacation days ahead of schedule." Alice looks furious. Wally says, "Get over it, Alice. We can't all be superstars."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #2 percent raise, #not challenging, #exceeded golas, #no complaining, #walls performance, #complained all year, #weasel, #stab him in back

View Transcript

Transcript

Alice is sitting at the Boss's desk. He tells her, "I can only give you a two percent raise this year, Alice." He adds, "Because your job was not very challenging." Alice asks, "How could you possibly not think it was challenging?" The Boss replies, "You exceeded all your goals without complaining." The Boss adds, "Compare that to Wally's performance. He complained all year." The Boss: "And he missed every goal! Now THAT'S a challenging job!" Alice shouts, "Wally is a filthy weasel!!!" As Alice leaves, furious, the Boss adds, "Maybe his hygiene isn't the best, but he was right when he said you would stab him in the back."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #meeting, #improve communication, #imitates boss, #business

View Transcript

Transcript

Man: I called this meeting so I could tell you the division's goals for next year. Alice: Thats a good idea because we're all so dumb that we coldly possibly read this in email. Goal one: Improve communication. ALiceL I can't. Im too dumb.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #low balling gaols, #coming year, #decompose chair, #sounds easy, #different chair

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss: I'm concerned that you might be low-balling your goals for the coming year. For example, this one says you will 'decompose in your chair'. That sounds easy. Dilbert: Not really. Half of the time I'm in a different chair."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #work ethic, #projects, #meetings, #ambiguous golas, #no budget, #angry team, #overworked people

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: How's your project going? Dilbert: Do you mean the one that has no management support, ambiguous goals, no budget, and an angry team of overworked people who want it to die? Boss: No, the other one. Dilbert: Sometimes there isn't an "other one."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #work ethic, #fired, #programming code, #undocumented, #passwords, #death spiral, #huge raise

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: Wally, you have accomplished none of your goals. I have to let you go. Wally: Actually, I accomplished a lot. I spent the past ten years creating a tangle of undocumented programming code. Every one of our major systems is linked to it. If I don't enter a password every day, the entire company will go into a technology death spiral. If you value your job, you'll give me a huge raise and dance on this table like a monkey!!! Boss: Let's call it a tie. Wally: Yeah, I'm good with that.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #happiness, #work ethic, #workplace happiness, #direct deposit, #mental distance, #effort, #paycheck, #no clear goal, #doing good work, #job satisafaction, #stress related problems, #highly demotivated, #psychology

View Transcript

Transcript

Asok: Wally, what is the key to workplace happiness? Wally: Well, Asok, it all starts with direct deposit. You want to keep some mental distance between your effort and your paycheck. Next, you want to work on projects that have no clear goals or deadlines. Coworker: Hey, Wally, can you... Wally: No, I'm too busy doing various things. Asok: What about the satisfaction of doing good work? Wally: Job satisfaction is what people feel right before they die from stress-related problems. Asok: I feel highly demotivated right now. Wally: You are very welcome.