No Value Comic Strips - Page 5

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138 Results for No Value

View 41 - 50 results for no value comic strips. Discover the best "No Value" comics from Dilbert.com.

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #calculate expected value, #pretend to be dead, #cover ears

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Dilbert: The best way to make this decision is by calculating the expected value of each possible outcome. you multiply the... The Boss: Must pretend to be dead. Dilbert: I sense that were done here. The Boss: I hope the dead sometimes cover their ears.

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marketing, project, cloud, catbert, leadership, budget, birthday, engineer, time sheet, sales, wally, strategy, dogbert, powerpoint, project management, topper, leader, boss, change, meeting, data, management, mordac

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #factory, #elbonia, #stock swap, #reached agreement, #rebels, #company value, #terrorits, #indirectly

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Dilbert: "I reached an agreement with the rebels so they won't attack our factory in Elbonia." "It's a stock swap. Every time they collect a ransom, the value of our company will increase." The Boss: "Doesn't that make us terrorists?" Dilbert: "Very indirectly."

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #user interface, #add button, #random changes, #create illusion, #adding value

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The Boss: Why did you add this button to the user interface? Dilbert: You told me to. The boss: Why would I tell you that? Dilbert: You always suggest random changes to create the illusion of adding value. The Boss: Well, remove that button. Dilbert: It's only on your copy."

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #announcement, #economic value, #engineers, #google, #mergers & acquisitions, #modern day, #podium, #public speaking, #slave trader

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CEO: Google has offered to buy our company for $100 million just to get our engineers. I agreed to the deal because I'm a modern day slave trader who believes engineers are property and the rest of you have no economic value. Who wrote my speech? Employee: Someone with no economic value.

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #illusion of value, #meeting, #obvious, #maintain illusion, #business

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Dilbert: It's obvious what I need to do next. But I'll let you tell me so you can maintain the illusion of value. The Boss: stop being this way. Dilbert: I saw that coming a mile away."

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #date, #perfect, #low entertainment value, #use our phones, #surf the internet, #call it a date, #perfect woman

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Tina: This conversation has a low entertainment value. Let's just use our phones to surf the internet, and call it a date. Dilbert: I don't use the phrase "perfect woman" often... Tina: Shhh

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #ombudsman, #management, #dispute, #consultation, #question, #soul, #value, #creepy, #no pupils, #blank eyes, #carefree attitude, #envy, #devil

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The New Ombudsman Asok says, "How can you be impartial in my dispute with management when they are the ones paying you?" Helen Fry says, "Perhaps you have something of value that would allow me to see your side." Wally says, "He's creepy without his soul, but I envy his carefree attitude."

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #meetings, #question, #nonsense, #optimize, #value stream, #surprise, #talk, #listening

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Wally says, "Are you leveraging our resources to optimize the client value stream?" Asok says, "What?" Wally says, "I'm just messing with you? Nothing I say in meetings actually means anything." Asok says, "Then why do you talk?" Wally says, "I tried listening once. It was awful."

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #sitting, #complaining, #value, #recession, #ridiculous, #proud, #competing

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Topper Dilbert says, "The value of my home is down about 40%" Topper says, "That's nothing!" Topper says, "I paid a homeless Elbonian family a million dollars to take my house." Dilbert says, "A recession isn't a competition." Topper says, "Said the loser."

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #meeting, #sitting, #frustrated, #value, #useful, #ceo, #business

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The Boss says, ?Our CEO asked each manager to describe his group's function on one slide.? The Boss says, ?I don't see how I can fit all of our various functions on one powerpoint slide.? Dilbert says, ?You could say, 'we spend all of our time trying to convince others that we have value.'? The Boss says, ?That's not all we do.? Alice says, ?Sometimes we also argue about what we do.? The Boss says, ?That's just what we're doing right now. Tomorrow we'll be doing something totally useful.? Dilbert says, ?Maybe you could add a footnote to the slide that says, 'we dream of someday being productive.'? Dilbert says, ?Or you could exaggerate our accomplishments to create a misleading sense of our potential.? The Boss says, ?Yes!? The Boss says, ?What have we accomplished lately?? Wally says, ?We got paid for planning to lie to our CEO.?