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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 09, 2011's comic on:


Tags #anger, #frustration, #matrix comparing features, #skin in game, #bang head, #cause extra work, #value of time, #ninja economics

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Ted: You know what would be great? I'd like to see a matrix comparing the features of our past products. Boss: Dilbert, why don't you pull that together for our next meeting! Dilbert: That would take two days and the matrix would have no practical use. The problem here is that Ted doesn't have any skin in the game. I propose that Ted has to bang his head on the table whenever he causes me to do extra work. That will help Ted make better decision about the value of my time. Ted: Never mind. Dilbert: Ninja economics!

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 13, 2011's comic on:


Tags #engineers, #inventions, #bend light, #around obkject, #cloak of invisibility, #make billions, #selling to military, #tricked, #ploy, #sneaky, #empty looking chair

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Wally: I discovered a way to bend light around an object to form a cloak of invisibility. We'll make billions selling it to the military. I'll be testing it over the next several months. You'll know it's working if you never see me in the office. During that time, don't sit in any empty-looking chairs unless you first shout my name and clap. WHAT'S THAT OVER THERE?! Boss: What? I don't see anything. Wally; How do you like it so far?

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 18, 2011's comic on:


Tags #anxiety, #monsters, #supernatural beings, #beware of bogeyman, #bad parenting, #one over par, #everyhole

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Asok: My mother always told me to beware the bogeyman. Dilbert: That was bad parenting. There's no such thing as the bogeyman. Boss: I was one over par on every hole. Let me tell you all about it.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 04, 2011's comic on:


Tags #car pool, #saving planet, #steal time, #theif, #hitch a ride, #hero, #ride in trunk, #pretend, #sneaky, #leave work

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Russell: Gotta go. Carpool. Boss: Okay. See you tomorrow. Wally: I have to go too. Boss: Whoa! Sit back down. Wally: Why does the carpooler get to leave early? Boss: Carpoolers are like heroes that are saving the entire planet. You're more like a thief who is trying to steal time from the company. Wally: What if I hitch a ride home in the carpooler's trunk? That would make me a hero too. Boss: That sort of makes sense. Russell: I only pretend to have a carpool, but you're welcome to ride in my trunk. Wally: Deal!

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 31, 2011's comic on:


Tags #celebrations, #new year's day, #happy new year, #oxytocin drug dealer, #magical thinking, #space time continuum

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Woman: Happy New Year! Dilbert: Whoa! Settle down. I don't celebrate the magical thinking that says one random point in the space-time continuum is somehow special. Woman: It's just a hug. You'll enjoy it. Dilbert: You're like some sort of Oxytocin drug dealer.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 22, 2012's comic on:


Tags #frustration, #mobile (cell) phones, #dead battery, #charge cell phone, #too busy, #no time

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Co-worker: You never answer when I call your cell. Wally: My battery is dead. Co-worker: Maybe you should charge it for once. Wally: I don't have time for that. Co-worker: What do you do all day that makes you so busy? Wally: For starters, I have this conversation a lot.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 15, 2012's comic on:


Tags #correlations, #predicted outcomes, #problem, #enormous ceo compensation, #myth, #control over profits, #awkward, #trap door, #ceo trick, #violent

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Dilbert: I did a study of our past business plans and found something. There's no correlation between our predicted and actual outcomes. That might be a problem for you. Your enormous CEO compensation is based on the myth that you have some control over our profitability. CEO: Ha! Dilbert: Ha! CEO: Is it just me or is this awkward? Dilbert: No, I'm feeling it too.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 16, 2012's comic on:


Tags #meetings, #attend presentation, #authorized, #poor notes, #wasting time, #right meeting

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Coworker: My boss asked me to attend your presentation on his behalf. I should warn you that I'm not authorized to make decisions, and I take poor notes. Dilbert: Okay. Let's begin wasting our time! Coworker: I"m not even sure I'm in the right meeting.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 18, 2012's comic on:


Tags #job description, #mindless zombie, #team work, #wate time, #tasks, #waste time, #never shows intitaive

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Wally: Should I waste my time doing tasks that are not in my job description? Or should I be a mindless zombie that shuns teamwork and never shows initiative? Take your time. I'm good either way.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 30, 2012's comic on:


Tags #meetings, #8am, #meeting, #useful work, #insulting, #good time management, #overlap, #business

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Coworker: Can you come to my meeting at 8am tomorrow? Dilbert: No. I reserve the first few hours of every morning for useful work. Coworker: That feels like an insult. Dilbert: I call it good time management. There's a lot of overlap.