Performance Over Appearence Comic Strips - Page 5

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

833 Results for Performance Over Appearence

View 41 - 50 results for performance over appearence comic strips. Discover the best "Performance Over Appearence" comics from Dilbert.com.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #boring, #idiotic coworkers, #main accomplishment, #newsletter, #no raise, #performance review, #two percent raise, #uninteresting, #value of team work

View Transcript

Transcript

The caption says, "Performance Review." Tina the Tech Writer sits across from the Boss's desk. The Boss says, "Your main accomplishment was the department newsletter which was both uninteresting and unimportant. You get no raise." Tina looks shocked and says, "The newsletter was YOUR idea, and it's boring because most of the articles are contributed by my idiotic co-workers." The Boss says, "You don't seem to understand the value of teamwork." Tina replies, "I understand its value; it just cost me a two-percent raise."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #tormenting the bvendor, #bidding economic future, #buying decsion, #performance measures, #vendor challenge, #nice t hsirts

View Transcript

Transcript

Wally and Dilbert sit at a conference table with a vendor. Wally says, "You must do our bidding, Vendor. We control your economic future." Dilbert says, "Of course, our buying decision will be based solely on quantifiable performance measurements." Dilbert stands at the end of the table holding a hoop. The salesperson is on his hands and knees on the table. Dilbert says, "Your competitor completed the 'Vendor Challenge Course' in 37 seconds." Wally adds, "And he gave us VERY nice t-shirts."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #recognition program, #assign names, #levels performance, #highest level, #precious gem, #sparkle

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss, Dilbert, Wally and Alice sit at a conference table. The Boss says, "Our new 'recognition program' assigns the names of precious gems to your levels of performance." The Boss continues, "The highest level is diamond. You get a new ring at each level." The Boss hands out ring boxes. Wally asks, "Are you sure talc is a precious gem?" Dilbert moves his hand and says, "I think I saw it sparkle."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #peer performance, #reviews, #limited budget, #raises, #slander coworkers, #more money, #weasel boy, #hate empoyees

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss says to Dilbert and Wally, "It's time to do peer performance reviews!" The Boss continues, "Remember, there's a limited budget for raises. Your best strategy is to slander your co-workers so there's more money for you!" Wally says to Dilbert, "I plan to say very nice things about YOU." Dilbert replies, "Nice try, weasel boy." The Boss thinks as he walks away, "Managing is easy when you hate the employees."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #benefit of doubt, #haven't bothered, #laziness, #low performance rating, #many issues, #difficult

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss says, "Alice, I gave you a low performance ranking because you haven't bothered me all year." The Boss explains, "Logically, if your job were difficult and important, you would have brought me many issues to resolve." Alice asks, "Can you think of ANY other reason I might not bring you issues?" The Boss replies, "Yeah, laziness. But I gave you the benefit of a doubt."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #over slept, #big meeting, #no makeup, #newt gingrich

View Transcript

Transcript

Alice rolls over in bed and reaches for her alarm clock. The clock says 7:05. Alice thinks, "Oh, no! I overslept . . . No time to apply makeup before my big meeting!" Alice, Wally and Dilbert sit at a conference table. Alice asks, "Okay, does everyone understand their tasks?" Wally replies, "I'll get right on it." Dilbert replies, "Absolutely." Alice walks down the hall thinking, "I wonder why they were so respectful today." Asok walks up to Alice and shouts, "It's Newt Gingrich!"

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #Dogbert, #mutual fund, #past performance, #no indication, #future perfromance, #strategy, #entire investment, #personal expenses, #talking to wall

View Transcript

Transcript

Dogbert sits behind a large desk. He says to a potential investor, "As you know, past performance is no indication of future performance." Dogbert continues, "So my strategy is to use your entire investment for my personal expenses and see what happens." The investor says, "Has that strategy ever worked before?" Dogbert says, "Geez, it's like I'm talking to a wall here."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #performance review, #ding you, #keep informed, #peek at computer, #unread messages

View Transcript

Transcript

Performance review Alice is having a performance review. She says, "Alice, I had to ding you for not keeping me informed about your project." Alice says, "May I take a peek at your computer?" Alice says, "You have twelve thousand unread messages." The Boss says, "Well, it's a little late for that now."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #Dilbert, #the boss, #performance, #review, #process, #accomplishments, #cash, #value, #empowerment, #match, #motivational

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss tells Dilbert, "It's time for your annual performance review." The Boss continues, "The process is the same as usual." The Boss continues, "Make your accomplishments fit the trendy categories on this form." Dilbert reads, "'1. Estimate the cash value of the empowerment you displayed this year. Cite examples.'" The Boss says, "Try to make your accomplishments match the raise I've already decided for you." Dilbert asks, "Why don't you just tell me what you've decided?" The Boss responds, "What - and ruin the motivational value of the process??" The Boss thinks as he walks away, "How did I get stuck with all the cynical employees?"

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #the boss, #Dilbert, #business meeting, #performance review

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert sits across from the Boss's desk. The Boss asks, "So, what have you accomplished this year?" Dilbert thinks, "I hate performance reviews." Dilbert replies, "Well, I used my empowerment to create a new paradigm." Dilbert continues, "And I teamed across functional boundaries to improve quality." Dilbert continues, "I dare say I was customer-focused and market-driven!" Dilbert holds his arms out and says, "I proactively found excellence in the midst of chaos!" Dilbert continues, "I re-engineered my core processes and embraced change!" Dilbert stands up and bows. He says, "I give you - Dilbert - the perfect employee!" The Boss asks, "Was that sarcasm?" Dilbert replies, "To be honest, I don't know either."