Phase Two Comic Strips - Page 5
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602 Results for Phase Two
View 41 - 50 results for phase two comic strips. Discover the best "Phase Two" comics from Dilbert.com.
Saturday May 25,
1996
Tags #two percent annual, #disppoint, #compensated, #drastic, #low expectations, #good sign, #thinking
Transcript
Alice sits at a manager's desk and yells, "A two percent annual raise?!! Wowee!!" Alice continues, "Ha ha! You tried to disappoint me but I compensated by drastically lowering my expectations!" Wally and Dilbert peer in the door and see Alice dancing on a chair and shouting, "Weeee!!" Dilbert says, "Yeah, it MIGHT be a good sign, but I'm thinking not."
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marketing, project, cloud, catbert, leadership, budget, birthday, engineer, time sheet, sales, wally, strategy, dogbert, powerpoint, project management, topper, leader, boss, change, meeting, data, management, mordac
Tuesday October 01,
1996
Tags #audit, #documented procedures, #divided, #two groups, #unethical, #unprodcutive, #train department, #lie to auditor, #document, #inane prcedures
Transcript
The Boss, Wally and Dilbert sit at a conference table. The Boss says, "We'll be having an ISO 9000 audit soon. They'll check to see if we follow our own documented procedures for everything we do." The Boss continues, "I've divided our preparation tasks into two groups: unethical and unproductive." Wally tells Dilbert, "I'll train our department to lie to the auditor. You can document our inane procedures." Dilbert replies, "No fair. You did unethical last time too!"
Wednesday October 30,
1996
Tags #award, #tim, #incredible accomplishments, #two years stonewalling, #hired
Transcript
The Boss says to Alice and Dilbert, "This award goes to Tim for his incredible accomplishment." The Boss hands Tim an award and says, "After two years of stonewalling all progress, Tim finally agreed to do the work for which he was hired." The Boss continues, "We look forward to working with Tim in the coming year." Tim says, "As if I'd have time for that."
Friday January 17,
1997
Tags #annual performance review, #past two weeks, #vacation, #two weeks, #spread motivation
Transcript
The Boss hands Tina the Tech Writer a document. He says, "Here's you annual performance review, Tina." The Boss continues, "I focused on your performance for the past two weeks because I don't remember anything farther back." Tina screams, "I was on VACATION for the past two weeks!!!" The Boss replies, "No time to chat. I need to spread some motivation over here."
Saturday May 17,
1997
Tags #agenda, #project meeting, #two hours, #temporaily sane, #repeat mission statement
Transcript
Carol hands Alice a document and says, "Alice, here's the agenda for the next project meeting." Alice shouts, "Two hours?!! Aaagh!!! There's only ten minutes' worth of tasks!!" Alice thinks, "Uh-oh. I think I'm temporarily sane." Carol says, "Try breathing into a paper bag and repeating our mission statement."
Monday June 16,
1997
Tags #two hour meeting, #friday night, #tina, #no personal life, #useless meetings, #void, #insane, #have a meeting
Transcript
Tina tells Dilbert and Wally, "I scheduled a two-hour T.H.N.P.L. meeting for seven o'clock on Friday night." Tina explains, "T.H.N.P.L stands for 'Tina has no personal life.' I'm scheduling useless meetings to fill the void in my life." Dilbert says, "Tina, this is insane." Tina asks, "Are you suggesting we have a meeting to discuss it? Is Saturday okay?"
Saturday August 16,
1997
Tags #recyclable, #trash container, #two containers
Transcript
Dilbert says to the janitor, "I notice you have only one trash container with you..." Dilbert holds up two trash cans. He says, "Whereas I have two containers - one for trash and one for recyclable materials." Dilbert says, "One theory is that you make two trips to each cubicle..." THe janitor says, "Could you turn around for a second?"
Monday April 13,
1998
Tags #two week notice, #arrogant obstructionist, #bore, #good bye lunch, #quitting, #everyone happy
Transcript
Ed tells Wally, "I just gave my two-week notice." Wally screams, "Yes! Yes! The arrogant obstructionist bore is history!" Ed says, "Everyone seems to be taking this rather well." Wally shouts, "Count me in for the goodbye lunch!"
Monday August 31,
1998
Tags #weasel, #store clerk, #never settle, #lesser of two weasels
Transcript
Dilbert: Its nice , but the weasel down the street is selling it for less. Weasel: You should never settle for the lesser of two weasels. Dilbert: Now that you mention it, it did seem too convenient.
Wednesday October 07,
1998
Tags #time to work, #two assignments, #essential business, #boss solution, #impossible, #doesn't understand
Transcript
Dilbert stands in The Boss's doorway. Dilbert holds two pieces of paper. Dilbert says, "I have time to do ONE of these two assignments." Dilbert says, "One is essential to the business the other is not. Which ONE do you want me to do?" The Boss says, "Both!" Dilbert says, "I know you WANT both. But if you can only GET one..." The Boss says, "Combine them and just do one."