Program Compiling Comic Strips - Page 5

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

128 Results for Program Compiling

View 41 - 50 results for program compiling comic strips. Discover the best "Program Compiling" comics from Dilbert.com.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #cubicle, #land on moon, #temperature, #oxygen levels, #space program, #hoax, #nasa hiding, #love engineers

View Transcript

Transcript

The cubicle lands on the moon. Dilbert says, "We're the first cubicle to land on the moon." Dilbert and Dogbert walk on the surface of the moon. Dilbert says, "The temperature and oxygen levels are fine. Apparently the space program is a hoax." Dogbert says, "NASA must be hiding something here." Two women appear. The women hold wine glasses and wear dresses. The brunette says, "Hi. We're the women who love engineers." The blond has a heart above her head. Dilbert's hair and tie stick straight up. Dilbert's eyebrows raise. Dobert's ear's fly up.

Dilbert Characters

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #evil, #Catbert, #hr director, #temporary employee, #asks employee, #want fulltime status, #orientation program

View Transcript

Transcript

Catbert sits at a desk. A man sits on the other side. Catbert says, "You've been a great temporary employee. Would you like to be a permanent one?" The man says, "Yes!" Catbert says, "Ha ha ha!!! You simple fool!!!" The man says, "What was that?" Catbert, "That was your employee orientation program."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #employee of month, #offered parking space, #wally takes train, #work hard to win, #doesn't need prize, #laughter, #meeting, #program, #business

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert, Wally, Alice, the Boss and another man sit at a conference table. The Boss says, "We've implemented an 'employee of the month award.'" The Boss explains, "The winner gets to park in a special space right behind the area reserved for managers!" Dilbert says, "That's like saying the very best employee isn't as good as the worst manager." The Boss replies, "No, you're just as good but . . . Uh . . . Less important." Wally says, "Personally, I'm feeling all charged up about this program!" Wally continues, "I'm going to work day and night to increase my chances for better parking!!" Everyone except the Boss laughs. Wally says, "But wait! I ride the train to work!" The Boss thinks, "We're off to a rocky start."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #be competetive, #carpets, #Catbert, #evil director, #evil policies, #foot sizing program, #no compalints, #reduce wear and tear, #tail twitching, #wear shoes smaller

View Transcript

Transcript

Catbert stands at his desk thinking, "My tail is twitching . . ." Catbert thinks, "That can only mean it's time to write some more evil policies." Catbert types, "To: all employees. Subject: new policy." Dilbert gets the e-mail message and reads, "Employees must wear shoes that are one size smaller than their feet." Alice reads, "This will reduce wear and tear on carpets by five percent." Catbert thinks, "This is my favorite part." He types, "We must do this to be competitive." A woman enters Catbert's office and says, "I'm a reporter for 'Evil HR Policies Weekly.' Do you have any success stories?" Catbert purrs. The caption says, "This is how industry practices are born." The journalist asks, "Has anyone complained about the 'Footsizing' program?" Catbert replies, "I haven't listened to a single complaint."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #executive mba program, #one hour long, #degree, #prestigious university

View Transcript

Transcript

The boss, Wally and Dilbert are sitting at a table. The boss says: "I signed up for an executive MBA program." The boss says: "It's one-hour long and I get a degree from a prestigious university." The boss says: "I'd better run. I'm already a half-hour late."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #six sigma program, #doomed, #same consulatant, #worthless progarms, #totally different name

View Transcript

Transcript

"You've got to implement a six sigma program or else you're doomed." "Aren't you the same consultant who sold us the worthless TQM program a few years ago?" "I assure you that this program has a totally, totally different name." "When can we start?"

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #be a threat, #Dogbert, #recruitment agency, #clueless people, #bad hair, #cadaver program

View Transcript

Transcript

Dogbert stands on The Boss' desk. Dogbert says, "You need to hire people who won't be a threat to you." Dogbert hands The Boss a pamphlet and says, "The Dogbert Recruiting Agency specializes in the placement of clueless people with bad hair." The Boss replies, "I don't know... They still look threatening." Dogbert says, "Perhaps I can interest you in our cadaver program."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #non monetary rewards, #program, #self mentoring, #talk to yourself

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss approaches Asok and says, "Asok, I'm putting you on our special self- monitoring program." The Boss continues, "If you have any questions whatsoever, feel free to talk to yourself." As he walks away, The Boss thinks, "I'm the master of non-monetary rewards."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #online self assessment, #survey, #program, #question blank, #says you steal, #bad advice

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert says to Catbert, "I can't complete the online self-assessment survey. It asks where I need improvement and I don't need any." Dilbert continues, "The program won't let me leave that question blank." Catbert responds, "Just check the box that says you steal." Dilbert responds, "And people will understand that I don't mean it?" Catbert grins and says, "Sure."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #war on waste, #wear shirt, #honk, #blow nose, #program

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss picks up a T-Shirt that says "Wow" and exclaims, "Each of you will get a shirt as part of my war on waste program!" Dilbert responds, "I wouldn't wear that shirt at home or in the office, so what good is..." Wally blows his nose loudly into a shirt, "Honk!" Dilbert says, "Oh. Nevermind."