Random Statements Comic Strips - Page 5

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69 Results for Random Statements

View 41 - 50 results for random statements comic strips. Discover the best "Random Statements" comics from Dilbert.com.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 10, 1991's comic on:


Tags #Dilbert, #the boss, #illegal, #search, #car, #home, #drugs, #ethical, #problemblood, #body, #cafeteria

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The Boss says to Dilbert and Wally, "Starting today, the company will begin random drug testing." The Boss continues, "Although it would be illegal to search your car or home for illegal drugs . . ." The Boss concludes, "We have found no ethical problem with sucking the blood out of your body. Results will be posted in the cafeteria."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 13, 1991's comic on:


Tags #Dilbert, #Dogbert, #dilemma, #company, #discouraging, #drug, #use, #constitutional, #rights, #straightest, #path, #mud, #rationalize

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Dilbert sits in his chair and says to Dogbert, "It's an ethical dilemma . . . I support my company's goal of discouraging drug use, but the random drug testing policy is a violation of my constitutional rights." Dilbert continues, "I'll get fired if I refuse the test. What is the ethical thing to do?" Dogbert replies, "Hack into their computer and change your Boss's test results." Dilbert sits at his computer and says, "Sometimes the straightest path is through the mud." Dogbert says, "Good, rationalize it with an obtuse metaphor."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 29, 1993's comic on:


Tags #bob, #Dilbert, #ratbert, #email, #computer, #Dogbert, #wedgie

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Dogbert stands on the desk chair. He says, "The e-mail votes have been tabulated. The will of the people is that Ratbert shall be spared from getting whacked with a magazine." Dilbert says to Ratbert, "I guess there's nothing funny about random cruelty." Bob the Dinosaur gives Dilbert a wedgie and says, "Right! Cruelty is only funny if administered in a proper social context."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 03, 1994's comic on:


Tags #rock paper scissors, #project approved, #toss up, #random selection

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How Decisions Are Made The Boss: 1-2-3 Rock! scissors! The Boss: Your project is approved...unless scissors can't cut rock. Dilbert: assume its sheet rock.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 02, 1995's comic on:


Tags #new employee programs, #new dignity enhancement program, #drug testing, #clue meter, #reading zero, #handsome coffee mug

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Alice, Wally, Dilbert and the Boss sit around a conference table. The Boss says, "We're announcing two new programs for employees." The Boss continues, "The first is a new dignity enhancement program and the second is our new random drug testing initiative." Alice says to Wally, "The clue meter is reading zero." The Boss reaches toward them holding a coffee mug and says, "You each get a handsome coffee mug as part of the kick-off."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 17, 1997's comic on:


Tags #finest executives, #created statements, #core values, #help community, #producing state of the art, #business soultions, #didn't skimp, #nine executives

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The Boss sists at a conference table with Wally and Dilbert. He waves a pice of paer and says, "Ten of our finest executives got together and created a statement of our core values." The Boss quotes from the document, "We help the community and the world by producing state-of-the-art business solutions." Wally responds, "I'm glad we didn't skimp and try to do that with only nine executives." Dilbert adds, "Yeah. It might have sucked."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 06, 1997's comic on:


Tags #capital budget, #ceo, #motivation, #open book mangement, #read financial statement

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The Boss sits at a table, his hands folded together and says, "We're going to try something called 'open book management.'" The Boss looks to Dilbert and Wally and syas, "We'll teach you to read the finacial statements of this company. It's all very motivating." Wally looks at a report and says, "... and our CEO got paid more than the entire capital budget." Alice says, "Is this what motivation feels like?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 22, 1994's comic on:


Tags #project plan, #every resource, #task, #dependency, #road map, #two weeks, #tasks, #two weeks late, #dependencies are wrong, #estimates, #to be determined, #ransom numbers, #redo whole plan

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Man: "Let's spend the next four hours reviewing the project plan." "I've detailed every resource, task and dependency into an exquisitely accurate road map." "It took me two weeks, but it's the only way to make sure we're not wasting time." Alice: "My tasks are two weeks late because I was waiting for your input." Dilbert: "And you left off one task, so all the dependencies are wrong." Wally: "I'm changing all of my estimate to 'to be determined'." Dilbert: "Can we do that? I've just been using random numbers." Man: "I'll have to redo the whole plan." Wally: "Don't worry. We won't do anything until we hear from you."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 12, 1996's comic on:


Tags #new vp, #cost containment, #first priority, #reduce expenses, #office supplies, #supply cabinet locked, #butter efficient secreatray, #naive question, #dispirited hollow shells, #product shoddy, #get supplies, #like honesty

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The Boss, Alice, Dilbert, Asok, Wally and an executive sit at a conference table. The Boss says, "I'd like you all to meet our new vice president in charge of cost containment." The VP says, "My first priority is to reduce our spiraling expenses for office supplies." The VP continues, "From now on, your supply cabinet will be locked." The VP continues, "The only key will be under the control of your bitter and inefficient secretary. Questions?" Asok raises his hand and says, "I am only an intern so please excuse this naive question . . ." Asok continues, "I've noticed that the employees are all dispirited hollow shells, management is random and our products are shoddy." Asok asks, "How are you going to solve that by making it hard to get supplies?" The VP looks angry. Asok says to Wally, "I thought you said they like honesty." Wally whispers, "Ask how much he's paid. It shows you care."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 19, 2001's comic on:


Tags #co pilot seat, #fly 747, #pilot, #chiroparcter, #people flying plane, #commercial airline, #over booked, #random

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Dilbert stands in front of an airline desk speaking with a flight attendant. The flight attendant says, "We overbooked. But I can give you the co-pilot's seat if you know how to fly a 747." Dilbert stands in front of a long line of people and says, "Um...Yeah, okay. I can fly a 747." Dilbert is in the cockpit of a plane with another guy. Dilbert asks, "Should I do something?" The guy replies, "Beats me. I'm a chiropractor."