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Ceo Inflates His Own Head

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Ceo Inflates His Own Head - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 04, 2015's comic on:


Tags #bonus, #ceos, #competition, #executives, #height, #money, #salary, #wages

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Catbert: Now that our policy is to pay people based on height, your CEO salary is capped, too. CEO: That's what you think. Watch what happens when I hold my nose and close my mouth and blow. Catbert: Well, I guess it only needs to last until bonus season.

Living Under A Bridge

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Living Under A Bridge - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 11, 2015's comic on:


Tags #debt, #student loans, #loans, #salary, #universities & colleges, #money, #wages

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Boss: I can offer you a starting salary of $34,000 per year. Man: My student loan debt is $200,000. I would have to live under a bridge and forage for food. Boss: Our bridges have good reputations. Man: I heard the same thing about my college.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 12, 2017's comic on:


Tags #wages, #salary, #secret, #anger, #compensation, #money, #unfair

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Catbert: You left a speadsheet with everyone salary in the copier. Boss: Oops. Catbert: By now, every employee has seen it. Boss: Should I be worried that it will lower morale? Catbert: No, I wouldn't worry about that. I would worry about heads exploding when they find out Wally has the highest pay in the department. Noise: Pow!!! Catbert: It's going to be a long week. Boss: Would you mind kicking that angry eyeball into the trash?

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 13, 1993's comic on:


Tags #Dogbert, #salary, #employee, #office

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An employee stands in front of Dogbert's desk and says, ". . . Our pay is too low, and there's no clear leadership. And we want parking spaces." Dogbert presses a level and the man falls through a trap door in the floor. There is a flushing noise. Dogbert thinks, "All things considered, I think I enjoy them more when they're disgruntled."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 05, 1994's comic on:


Tags #no raises, #promotions, #job titles, #named beverly

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The Boss: We're flattening the organization to eliminate levels and put everybody in a wide salary band. Now instead of not getting a promotion. you'll only not get a raise, wally: So what job title do we use? The Boss: You'll all be named Beverly.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 20, 1994's comic on:


Tags #head of market research, #120k salary, #value opinions, #refrence, #honesty, #pay these days

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"I got a job as the head of market research at your company. I'll be pulling down $120 K per year." "I don't value otehr people's opinions so I'll just use my own." "Just for reference, how much does honesty pay these days?" "Shut up."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 28, 1994's comic on:


Tags #bigger portion, #success of team, #pay depends on coworkers, #priorities change

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The Boss, Dilbert and Wally sit at a conference table. The Boss says, "We're changing the salary plan to make a bigger portion depend on the success of the team." The Boss continues, "We reason that if your pay depends on the success of co-workers, then your priorities will change." Wally and Dilbert look at each other. Wally and Dilbert stand by the printer. Wally looks at a document and says, "Now THAT'S a pretty resume!" Dilbert says, "Stop hogging the good printer."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 21, 1991's comic on:


Tags #Dilbert, #cop, #ticket, #u-turn, #murderers, #thugs, #taxes, #mustache, #police brutality, #police, #sobreity, #test

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Dilbert drives his car. He hears a siren behind him and thinks, "Police?" The officer stands at Dilbert's window and says, "You made an illegal U-turn." Dilbert says, "You're giving me a ticket for THAT?! A measly U-turn?!" Dilbert says angrily, "I can't believe it! The world is full of murderers and thugs, but you stop ME?" Dilbert says, "I'm wasting my taxes on your salary!" Dilbert continues, "And frankly, those mustaches you guys all grow don't make you look any smarter." The policeman says, "Please step out of your car for the sobriety test." Dilbert arrives at home wearing dirty and torn clothing. He tells Dogbert, ". . . So, it turns out that the sobriety test involves flinging yourself down a muddy embankment."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 02, 1996's comic on:


Tags #quality assurance, #heres resume, #words spelled wrong, #not even bothered, #hired, #base salry

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Ratbert stands on the Boss's desk and says, "I'd be perfect for the job in quality assurance. Here's my resume." The Boss looks at the resume and asks, "Are you bothered by the fact that half of your words are spelled wrong?" Ratbert replies, "Nope! I'm not even bothered by your anal-retentive behavior." The Boss says, "You're hired. Your bonus will equal negative 100% of your base salary, okay?" Ratbert says, "I don't see any problem with that."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 25, 1993's comic on:


Tags #the boss, #alice, #Dilbert, #Wally, #executive, #business meeting, #hr

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The Boss, Dilbert, Alice, Wally and an executive sit at a conference table. The Boss says, "You all know our president, Mister Goodenrich. He's here to answer any questions you have." Alice asks, "Why aren't there any women or minorities in senior management positions?" Mr. Goodenrich replies, "We think women are for making babies. As for minorities, we fear them." Wally asks, "How can you justify your ten million dollar salary when profits are down?" The president laughs and replies, "The board of directors are friends of mine and it's not their money they're spending." Dilbert asks, "Why does the company keep talking about employee training while at the same time slashing the training budget?" The president replies, "We think you're too dumb to train. We'll hire people from the outside if we need talent." Wally says, "I must say, your honesty is kind of refreshing." The president replies, "And you're all fired for asking questions."