Same People Comic Strips - Page 5
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The defense lawyer says, "Okay, let's say that, hypothetically, my client did kill those people . . ." His client is holding an ax and wearing an executioner's hat. The attorney says to Dilbert and the other members of the jury, "Chances are that it was nobody you know." The lawyer continues, "And the next time you're standing in a long line, ask yourself: 'Am I better off now that there are less people?'"
Dilbert sits on an examining table holding his arm. A man with a stethoscope says, "Here at the 'Jiffy Med Center' we do everything to keep your health costs down." The man continues, "In fact, none of us has any medical training so they pay us almost nothing." Dilbert asks, "Why do you do it?" The man grasps the stethoscope and replies, "I like putting this cold thing on naked people."
Dilbert sits at a table and yells as a test tube flies out of his hands, "It works!! My anti-gravity formula works!!!" Dilbert continues, "If I drink it, I'll be able to fly! I'll be famous. People will shower me with praise and admiration!!" Dilbert sits on the wall over the television and says to Dogbert, "Notice anything?" Dogbert replies, "A pathetic bid for attention?"
Dilbert sits in his desk chair. The Boss says, "You've been randomly selected to have lunch with a senior executive of the company." The Boss continues, "This is how the executives show that they are regular people, just like you and me." At lunch, Dilbert sits at a table wearing a suit jacket. The executive says, "I could squash you like a bug! Ha ha ha ha ha ha!"
Dogbert sits on a park bench next to a chef. The chef says, "I haven't been able to get a job in two years." The chef continues, "It's because everybody knows my brother is in jail. People think I must be dishonest too." The chef concludes, "You should not judge a cook by its brother." Dogbert replies, "He probably says the same about you."
Dogbert asks Dilbert, "How did you do in the stand-up comedy competition?" Dilbert's clothes are tattered and he has bruises on his face. Dilbert replies, "I was halfway through my first joke -- about old people, when an elderly woman dragged me off stage and slapped the bejeezus out of me." Dilbert holds up a trophy and says, ". . . It was good enough for third place."
Dogbert stands on a stage holding a microphone. Dogbert says to the audience, "You can free yourself from guilt with the copyrighted Dogbert method." Dogbert continues, "My method is so simple that even stupid people can do it." Dogbert asks, "Do we have any stupid people here today?" Everyone in the audience raises their hands.
Dogbert stands on a stage holding a microphone. He says to the audience, "The Dogbert method of eliminating guilt is quite simple." Dogbert continues, "All of your problems are caused by invisible people named Juan and Cindy." Dogbert continues, "All you have to do is find them and kill them."
Dogbert: I've decided to become a venture capitalist. I'll take money from the rich and give it to hopelessly doomed social media start-ups. Dilbert: Because you love helping entrepreneurs? Dogbert: Because I hate rich people who aren't me.
Dilbert sits in his chair reading the newspaper and Dogbert stands on the hassock. Dogbert says, "I've become a newspaper critic." Dilbert asks, "Of what?" Dogbert replies, "I criticize ordinary people . . . I started with you." Dilbert says, "Hey, here it is . . ." Dilbert asks, "What's this little symbol mean?" Dogbert replies, "That's a dog sniffing himself . . . It's like getting one star."