Selling Crack Comic Strips - Page 5

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

82 Results for Selling Crack

View 41 - 50 results for selling crack comic strips. Discover the best "Selling Crack" comics from Dilbert.com.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #Dilbert, #hospital, #doctor, #computer, #bed, #flu

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert sits on an examining table wearing only his underwear. He asks, "Is it the flu?" The doctor looks at a chart and says, "Hmm . . ." The doctor says, "I had the computer run an economic report on the market value of your organs." The doctor continues, "I could make thousands of dollars by selling your parts for transplants." The doctor continues, "Of course, this is all moot unless you die in my office while under my care." The doctor says, "But if I let you die from the flu then my malpractice insurance will go up again." The doctor continues, "But if you live I can continue to bill you for unnecessary tests." The doctor continues, "There's a slight economic advantage to keeping you alive . . . If you leave three pints of blood and do me a little favor." Back at home, Dilbert lies face down on the bed. He tells Dogbert, "Then I had to wax his Jeep with my clothes." Dogbert replies, "Apparently he didn't know what kind of fabrics you wear."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #weasel, #store clerk, #never settle, #lesser of two weasels

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: Its nice , but the weasel down the street is selling it for less. Weasel: You should never settle for the lesser of two weasels. Dilbert: Now that you mention it, it did seem too convenient.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #editable wax fruit, #live at desk, #no social life, #social activity, #vending machine food, #marketing network

View Transcript

Transcript

During a staff meeting, The Boss says, "It has come to my attention that one of you has a social life." Wally says, "There must be some mistake." The Boss says, "We can't be successful until our social lives are worse than the industry average." He stands up and says, "Our competitors spend the nights in their cubicles. They eat from vending machines." The Boss walks behind Wally, Dilbert and Alice. He says, "Someone here has not shown the same level of competetive spirit." The Boss grabs Asok by the collar and says, "Someone had a social activity last night!" Asok cries, "I'm sorry! I thought they were friends... but they were only recruiting for a multi-level marketing network!!!" Dilbert says, "What were they selling?" Asok says, "Edible wax fruit. Brochure?"

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #employees, #ignorant, #intranet collaboration, #sign it, #their ignorance, #tools, #dogbert consults, #business

View Transcript

Transcript

As a consultant, Dogbert says to the Boss "All of your employees are ignorant." Dobgert continues, "I can fix that by selling you intranet collaboration tools." The Boss says to Dgbert in an uneasy voice, "But if they're sharing their ignorance..." Dogbert thinks to himself, "Sign it, sign it, sign it..."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #customer type, #feeble minded people, #reorganize, #second guess, #dogbert consults

View Transcript

Transcript

Dogbert is sitting at a conference table beside the boss, across from Dilbert and Wally. Dogbert says, "You need to reorganize by customer type." Gesturing toward the boss, Dogbert continues, "One division would focus on selling to feeble-minded people." The boss says, "Are you gesturing at me because I would work in that division?" Dogbert says, "What's your second guess?"

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #high school reunion, #whos incredible, #point to name, #gullible people

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert, holding a book, says to Dogbert, "I'm bringing my copy of 'Who's Incredible' to my high school reunion." Flipping through the pages of the book, Dilbert says to Dogbert, "If anyone asks how I'm doing, I'll casually open the book and point to my name." At his high school reunion, Dilbert talks to a man and woman. Dilbert has his copy of 'Who's Incredible' under his arm. The man says, "I got rich selling a book called "Who's Incredible' to gullible people."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #elbonia, #manuafacture mud, #water, #bags, #fertile soil, #huge demand, #bottled water, #bags of soil, #bottled air to morons, #elbonians

View Transcript

Transcript

Headline: In Elbonia. An Elbonian says to Dilbert, "We manufacture our mud using bottled water and bags of fertile soil." The other Elbonian holds up a bag of soil. Dilbert replies, "There's a huge demand in my country for bottled water and bags of soil." The Elbonian responds, "Is anyone selling bottled air to you morons yet?"

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #sales training, #sell anything, #roadkill, #thousand dollars, #class, #got hat, #seminar, #prop

View Transcript

Transcript

Headline: Sales Training. A speaker says, "A trained salesperson can sell anything to anyone." The speaker continues, "I will prove it by selling this roadkill to one of you for a thousand dollars." Dilbert returns home with roadkill on his head. Dogbert asks, "Um.. How was your class?" Dilbert responds, "I got a hat!"

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #boost revenues, #offshore, #subsidary, #lie to media, #criminal activity, #gag a rat, #corruption

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert, Ratbert, and Bob the Dinosaur are meeting. Dogbert says, "We'll artificially boost revenues by selling to our own offshore subsidiary." Dogbert continues, "Then we'll book our expenses to capital, lie to the media about our prospects, bribe an industry analyst, and cash out!" Ratbert grabs his own throat and gags, "Aak, Aak, Aak." Dogbert says, "I know I'm doing something right when my business practices gag a rat."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #great design, #big seller, #attractive, #honor flaw, #functionality, #sex crimes, #accuses user, #cute

View Transcript

Transcript

"Product designer" "The new product is selling like crazy, thanks to it's great design." "Sales" "It's so attractive that people over look its minor flaws in functionality." "For example, it accuses the user of sex crimes whenever company comes over." "And it's cute!"