Shake Hands Comic Strips - Page 5

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

499 Results for Shake Hands

View 41 - 50 results for shake hands comic strips. Discover the best "Shake Hands" comics from Dilbert.com.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags business case, hold folder, funding, deny, landfill wet hunting, frustrating, yell, shake, upset

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert says, "I finished the business case." Dilbert says, "You said you would try to get funding if the numbers look good." The Boss says, "I never said that." Dilbert says, "I clearly remember it. I can describe our conversation word for word." The Boss says, "I probably said something that sounded like 'I will get funding' and you heard it wrong." Dilbert says, "What exactly sounds like 'I will get funding'?" The Boss says, "Landfill wet hunting." Dilbert says, "That's not even a good try!!!" The Boss says, "Shake it off."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags tall pants, old fashioned, hairpiece, glove on tail, money to treasury, first primary

View Transcript

Transcript

Dogbert: I'm wearing my tall pants and my old-fashioned hairpiece because I'm running for president. "I put a glove on my tail so I can shake 50% more hands." "My policy is to give all the money in the treasury to Iowans. But I might flip-flop after the first primary."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags clammy offcie, all clammy, hands are clammy, underpants

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss is in his office. He thinks, with a panicked expression on his face, "It's not just my desk; it's the chair, too!" The Boss stops Dilbert in the hallway and says, "Dilbert, come here!" The Boss leads Dilbert into his office and says, "Everything in my office feels clammy." The Boss continues, "I first noticed when I touched my phone.. then my mouse." The Boss says, "All clammy." He pauses and then asks, "What could it mean?" Dilbert responds, "It could mean your hands are clammy." Dilbert walks away whistling. The Boss calls after him, "You must never speak of this." At a meeting, Wally turns to The Boss and asks, "Have you ever noticed that everything you sit on feels like underpants?" Dilbert looks away guiltily.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags hands free phone, insulting comments, boss directed, pointy haired, face transplant, baboon, personal calls, company time

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss is walking past Wally. Wally says, "You're an ignorant maggot. You disgust me." Wally continues, "You should get a face transplant from a baboon." The Boss exclaims, "What?!" Wally points to his headset and explains, "I'm not talking to you. I'm using my hands-free phone." The Boss replies, "Oh.. for a minute I thought... well, nevermind." Wally says, "Ha ha! You might be the most gullible moron in the galaxy!" Wally yells, "You pointy-haired, gray-suited pile of crud!!!" The Boss faces Wally, fuming with anger. Wally says into his headset, "Mom, can you hold? My excellent boss wants to talk to me." Wally asks sheepishly, "What?" The Boss exclaims, "No personal calls on company time!"

Thought Leader

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Thought Leader - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags business, managers & supervisors, sarcasm, calendar, assistant, leader, delegation, thought, work, hands

View Transcript

Transcript

boss: ask my assistant to put it on my calendar. dilbert: why can't you just put it on your calendar right now? boss: i'm more of a thought leader. i don't like to work with my hands.

Shaking Hands

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Shaking Hands - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags business, managers & supervisors, invent, Alternative, handshake, high-five, month, coffee

View Transcript

Transcript

boss: i've invented an alternative to shaking hands. you raise one hand up like the start of a high-five and stop. what do you think? dilbert: why don't you try it for a month and tell me how it goes?

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags employees, illness, marketing people, brain heals, drank sludge, brain worm, dead in a week, business

View Transcript

Transcript

Asok: Hi-ho, marketing people! I've been transferred into your department until mky brain heals. I drank some industrial sludge. But don't worry - I'll be able to shake it off in a few days. A little pollution can't hurt me. I grew up in India. This brain worm will be dead in a week, tops.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags illness, plunging productivity, 8 year old boy, traylor, germs, doctor, allergies, gives to mom, medical

View Transcript

Transcript

CEO: Our plunging productivity is all because of an eight-year-old boy named Traylor. Traylor doesn't wash his hands, he brings home every virus and germ from school, and gives it to his mom, who brings it to work with her. Dilbert: Maybe you should see a doctor. Carol: It's just allergies!

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags discussion, ideas, meeting, originality, irrational thinking, optoistic, new prodcuts, faking optomisim, fake buy in, business

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: ... and that's my suggestion for our next product. Alice: How do we know that ten other companies aren't working on the same idea. Dilbert: Well, that's always a possibility. Wally: There are seven billion people on Earth. I'll bet a million of them had this idea. Asok: It's irrational to think that any new product is likely to be a hit. On the other hand, we only get paid if we pretend to be optimistic about new products. Wally: All in favor of faking our optimism, raise your hands. Dilbert: All I could get was a fake buy-in. Boss: That's the only kind there is.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags dog, invention, feed, animals

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert hands a pair of glasses to Dogbert and says, "My new invention screens out all unpleasant sights. Try it." Dogbert puts on the goggles. Dilbert asks, "Well, what do you think?" Dogbert asks, "Who said that?" Dilbert replies, "The hand that used to feed you."