Shredded Documents Comic Strips - Page 5

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

46 Results for Shredded Documents

View 41 - 46 results for shredded documents comic strips. Discover the best "Shredded Documents" comics from Dilbert.com.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #can't read, #ceo, #copies, #esearch, #hand off, #manage data, #no copies, #smother me, #documents

View Transcript

Transcript

CEO says...: The CEO is sitting at his desk showing a folder to the Senior VP. The CEO says to the Senior VP: "The research supports my strategy." The CEO hands the folder to the Senior VP and says: "You can read the research but don't make copies." Senior VP says...: The Senior VP is holding the folder with both hands and says to the VP: "I can tell you about it but you can't read it." VP says...: The VP says to the Assistant VP: "I don't remember the reason but I'm sure there is one." Assistant VP says...: The Assistant VP is sitting at his desk and he says to the boss: "There's no reason." The boss, Wally and Dilbert are in a meeting and the boss says to them: "Our strategy is a huge mistake but we have to do it anyway." Dilbert is holding a suitcase and says to Dogbert: "After I fall asleep tonight, please smother me with a pillow." The CEO is sitting at his desk and thinks: "My people love me because I manage with data."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #product is defective, #expect delivery, #quality s primary goal, #opposite of philosophy, #rich philosophers, #swiss bank

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert tells the Boss while handing him some documents: "My tests prove our product is defective." While the Boss is examining the documents, Dilbert says: "Customers expect delivery tomorrow." Handing the documents back to Dilbert, the Boss says: "Our corporate philosophy is 'Quality is our primary goal.'" Dilbert asks: "So... you want me to delay shipment until we fix the problems?" The Boss answers: "No." The Boss says: "I want you to ship now so we can book the revenue." Dilbert exclaims: "GAAA! That's the opposite of our corporate philosophy!!!" The Boss replies: "Now you know why there aren't any rich philosophers." Reclining on the couch at home with Dogbert, Dogbert tells Dilbert: "There used to be one, but he believed I was a Swiss bank."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #legal department, #products, #highly defective, #user specification, #ate letter, #hugely defective prodcut

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss: "Our legal department advises us to destroy any documents that show we know our products are hugely defective." "CHOMP, CHOMP, CHOMP, CHEW, CHEW, GULP." Alice: "Do you have room in there for the user specifications?"

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #negotiate sale, #voice activated hassock business, #no lying, #plenty of ommissions, #tactical ignorance

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss: "I want you to negotiate the sale of our voice activated hassock business." "You're not allowed to lie, but I expect plenty of omissions, misdirections, exaggerations..." "...Unjustified optimism, lost documents, unclear explanations, gray areas and tactical ignorance. Oh, and say that we have other offers."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #eat, #headquarters, #misunderstand, #mouth, #need shreded, #shredder

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss: all shredders are nbeing centralized at our corporate headquarters. If you need something shredded, give it to ask. Dilbert: dude, I think he meant you would take it to the shredders. Asok: mouth....so...dry

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #plant, #cucbilce, #coffeedregs, #staus reprts, #decaf, #tree

View Transcript

Transcript

"Wally, what are you feeding the plant outside your cubicle?" "It's a mulch of coffee dregs and my shredded status reports." "You might want to switch to decaf."