Search Results for "sick days"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 07, 2001's comic on:


Tags #lost two pounds, #yoga class, #never sick, #yoga prodicgy

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Wally and Dilbert are at the coffee machine. Wally says, "I've lost two pounds since I signed up for yoga class." Wally continues, "And I never get sick anymore." Dilbert says, "You haven't had a class yet." Wally responds, "Maybe I'm some sort of yoga prodigy."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 08, 2002's comic on:


Tags #downsized, #info, #last day, #projects, #right away, #soon enough, #90 days

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The Boss hands Dilbert a stack of papers and says, "Here are some projects to finish before your last day." Dilbert responds, "But.. I'll have to interact with people who know I've been downsized." The Boss replies, "Hee Hee!" A coworker mocks Dilbert, "I'll get this information to you right away. Is ninety days soon enough?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 13, 2002's comic on:


Tags #ceo visit, #discontinue work, #five days, #illusion of productivity, #diversity, #few open slots

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The Boss says to Dilbert, "Our CEO is visiting next week. Discontinue all real work immediately." The Boss continues, "We have five days to create the illusion of productivity." The Boss points to a clipboard and says, "Here's the diversity sign-up sheet. We still have a few open slots that only require a hat."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 05, 2002's comic on:


Tags #boss in jail, #morale skyrocketed, #profits soared, #life had meaning, #luck, #two days

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The Boss says to Carol, "What happened while I was in jail?" Carol responds, "Morale skyrocketed, profits soared, and for the first time, life had meaning." The Boss walks into his office and thinks, "It's just my luck that I'd miss those two days."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 11, 2003's comic on:


Tags #30 years, #award for five years, #sick day

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The Boss: Now Id like to recognize walter for his five years of work for this company. walter: Thanks, but I've been here for thirty years ....Oh, I get it now. I feel a sick day coming on.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 23, 2003's comic on:


Tags #black shoes, #cubicle, #days of our lives, #feel oddly drawn, #life has purpose, #mind altering day

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Who's today's guest cartoonist? Dilbert: This isn't my cubicle. Wally: Your horoscope says you'll have a "Mind altering" day Dilbert: I feel oddly drawn to watch "days of our lives" Wally: You look oddly drawn Dilbert: Im going to go to the mall and try on black shoes! Wally: wow! your life finally has a purpose * Answer: GO TO DILBERT.COM

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 26, 2004's comic on:


Tags #low pay, #unpleasant work enviornment, #applicants, #miss old days, #dental plan

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The boos: I can't find any highly trained job applicants who want an unpleasant work environment and low pay. Catbert: I miss the old days where a man would build a skyscraper with his bare hands just to make you stop hitting him with a shovel. The boss: Did they have a dental plan? Catbert: yes. they called it duck!!

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 29, 2005's comic on:


Tags #losing empathy, #ceo two days, #decorating office, #more important, #healthcare, #varnished desk

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"Ratbert the CEO "I've only been CEO for two days and already I"m losing my empathy." "For example, I'm pretty sure that decorating my office is more important than your healthcare." "Which reminds me I plan to have varnished and used as my desk."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 13, 2008's comic on:


Tags #Advice, #bad idea, #saving & investment, #financial advisor, #diseased livestock, #sick cow, #aggregate, #math, #savvy, #education, #money

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Dogbert the financial adviser Dogbert: You should invest all of your money is diseased livestock. It would be unwise to invest in one sick cow, but if you aggregate a bunch of them together the risk goes away. It's called math. The boss: Suddenly I feel all savvy.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 11, 2010's comic on:


Tags #beta test, #meeting, #face front, #impractical maintenance requirement, #lube, #bear's ear, #warrant, #product, #legal, #shake fist, #justice, #sick, #hand to mouth, #shake, #throw up, #business, #medical

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The Boss says, "The beta test went well. Thank you, Dilbert." The Boss says, "Now I'll have Tina add an impractical maintenance requirement to the manual and we're ready to go." Dilbert says, "What?" The Boss says, "It's standard procedure." The Boss says, "Say the user needs to lube the product ten time a day with the wax from a bear's ear." The Boss says, "And say the warranty is voided if the device isn't properly maintained." Dilbert says, "Is that legal?" The Boss says, "It's better than legal." The Boss says, "We're using the law to keep justice away!!" Dilbert says, "I feel sick." The Boss says, "That's how you know it's working."