Smartest Thing Comic Strips - Page 5

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505 Results for Smartest Thing

View 41 - 50 results for smartest thing comic strips. Discover the best "Smartest Thing" comics from Dilbert.com.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #options, #costs too much, #any research, #experience thing, #using technology

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Wally: I narrowed down the options to an alternative that costs too much and another that won't work. I didn't do any research. It's more of an experience sort of thing. Next week I plan to think about the option of using technology that isn't yet available."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #dogcart for president, #decisons, #based on polls, #single thing, #called leadership

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Dogbert for president Dogbert: As president, I will not make decisions based on polls." "In fact, I won't give you a single thing that you want. That's called leadership." "I'll never understand why that works." Audience: "yay!" clap! clap! clap! clap! clap!

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #generic management, #thing, #whats his name, #awrd, #avoiding minutiae

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The Boss: It's time for some generic management. "Did you talk to what's his name about the thing?" Alice: "Um...Yes." The Boss: "There should be some sort of award for avoiding minutiae."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #audit, #150 million, #software system, #scrap entire thing, #worthless, #norma software system, #clever combo, #tweak it, #sell the zeros, #few minutes

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Dogbert: "I completed the audit of your new $150 million software system." "I recommend that you scrap the entire thing." "What?!! How could the entire thing be worthless?" "Well, your normal software system would be a clever combination of ones and zeros." "Yours is all ones." "There must be some way to tweak it until it works." "My company can sell you all the zeros you need. But you'll have to arrange them yorself." "Whe you have a few minutes, I have a little assignment for you."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #master of delegation, #footsteps, #third thing, #valuable time, #vendor, #two minute call, #Funny, #conversation

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The Boss is hiding behind a doorway as Dilbert walks toward him. The Boss thinks, "The Master of Delegation hears the footsteps of his prey." Sticking his head out the door, The Boss says, "Hi." A startled Dilbert exclaims, "Gaaa!!" The Boss says to Dilbert, "Call this vendor and tell him I want the third thing he told me about." Dilbert says to The Boss, "Okay. That will save two minutes of your valuable time." Dilbert says, "When the vendor asks me dozens of questions should I just guess at the answers?" Dilbert asks The Boss, "Or would you prefer to spend an hour giving me enough background so you can avoid a two-minute call?" Dilbert says, "You know what's funny? This conversation lasted a minute... And there are two of us." The Boss asks, "Are you done?" Dilbert says, "I think you wrote down your own phone number."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #office workers, #teaching, #mentor thing, #feels great, #education

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Dilbert: The mentor thing isn't for everyone. Coworker: I don't know how this looks, but it feels great on the inside.

Complexity Is A Good Thing For Wally

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Complexity Is A Good Thing For Wally - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #technology, #inventions, #scapegoat, #excuse, #laziness, #work ethic

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Wally: People say the complexity of modern life is a bad thing. But for useless people such as me, it creates endless opportunities. Boss: Why aren't you done yet? Wally: My smartwatch was infected with ransomware.

Data Can Only Mean One Thing

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Data Can Only Mean One Thing - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business, #office workers, #sarcasm, #data, #analyze

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ted: this data can mean only one thing. dilbert: actually, it can mean any one of about seventeen things. ted: then why can i think of only one? dilbert: please don't make me answer that.

Not The Smartest

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Not The Smartest - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business, #engineers, #smart, #iterate, #technology, #leadership, #incompetence, #excellence, #sarcasm

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boss: we might not have the smartest engineers, but we can iterate faster than anyone. dilbert: actually, we do have the smartest engineers, but your leadership incompetence cancels out our excellence. dilbert: and i'll bet you don't know what "iterate" means. boss: i didn't think it would matter.

Only One Thing Ceo Can Do

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Only One Thing Ceo Can Do - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business ethics, #business, #press, #subordinates, #inapproriate, #behavior, #quit, #murder, #correct

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ceo: the press is all over me because seventy-three subordinates accused me of inappropriate behavior. there's only one thing i can do. boss: quit. ceo thinking: now i know who to murder to divert the press. boss: am i right?