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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 26, 2000's comic on:


Tags #wally report, #serious threat, #productivity, #new things, #brain full, #forget fifth grade, #more information, #can't sustain information

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Alice, Wally, Dilbert and the boss are sitting in a meeting. Wally says: "In this week's Wally report, I'll discuss a serious threat to my productivity." Wally says: "By Tuesday my brain was so full that I had to forget things to make room for new things." Alice looks to Wally through the coner of her eyes. The boss says: "Wally. I have some information for you." Wally says: "Great. I'll just forget the fifth grade."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 09, 2000's comic on:


Tags #one page report, #two page executive summary, #spend the day, #snapping underwear, #elastic band

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The Boss asks Dilbert: "Can you turn your one-page report into a two-page executive summary?" Dilbert answers: "I was planning to spend the day snapping myself with the elastic band on my underwear." He continues: "But your idea is good, too."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 06, 2000's comic on:


Tags #report to mordac, #obligated to hate, #works

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The Boss says to Ming, "Ming, I'm moving your web mistress function to I.S. You'll report to Mordac." Ming screams out, "NO-O-O-O-O" The Boss looks astonished. Ming later says to Mordac, "We can still date but I feel obliged to hate your guts now." Mordac replies, "It works for me."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 12, 2000's comic on:


Tags #dogbert consults, #consulting report, #exclusive rights, #microsoft, #dos, #good feeling, #behind the times

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The Boss says to his staff, "I saved the money by buying a used consulting report." The Boss continues, "We're going to give the exclusive rights for something called DOS to something called Microsoft." The Boss adds, "I have a good feeling about this."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 22, 1998's comic on:


Tags #zero disabling injuries, #injury, #fill forms, #resignation forms, #cinjury report

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The Boss points at a board with the word 'Injuries' written on it, and the number zero below the word. The Boss says, "Our goal this year is zero disabling injuries." The Boss continues, "Last year, our goal was twenty-six disabling injuries." The Boss points at the board with a skeleton and the number twenty-six above it. The Boss says, "In retrospect, that was a mistake." The Boss continues, "We had to injure nine employees to meet the goal." The Boss hands out a piece of paper and says, "If you have an injury, fill out this form immediately." Wally and Dilbert look at the forms. Wally says, "These are resignation forms." The Boss holds up the paper and says, "If you cover the word 'resignation' with your thumb, it's an injury report." Wally turns to Dilbert and says, "This place makes me sick." Dilbert says, "We'll miss you."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 21, 1999's comic on:


Tags #weekly wally report, #pointy haired troll, #dumped record, #levels of work, #moral delemma, #disappoint stock holders, #last ounce of happiness, #one choice, #reading ahead, #assignments

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Wally, the boss, Dilbert and Alice are in a meeting. Wally says, "It's time now for the weekly Wally report." Wally says, "By Tuesday the pointy-haired troll had dumped record levels of work on poor Wally." Wally says, "Wally's happiness was in extreme jeapardy." Wally says, "It was a moral dilemma too." Wally says, "Would Wally disappoint the stockholders to save his own skin?" Wally says, "Or would he fight with his last ounce of happiness to complete all the assignments?" Wally says, "In the end there was only one choice." Dilbert says, "You wrote the Wally report instead of working?" Wally says, "Stop reading ahead!"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 23, 2001's comic on:


Tags #weekly wally report, #stock options, #maple, #someone lost more

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The boss, Wally and Dilbert are at a table. Wally says, "Now for the weekly Wally report." Wally says, "Wally struggled to maintain his morale despite the ninety percent drop in his stock options." Wally continues, "Then he remembered that someone lost much, much, much more that he did."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 09, 2003's comic on:


Tags #new corporate code, #report immediately, #señor management, #ship prodcuts, #defective, #take care, #lying, #report you

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The Boss addresses a meeting, "If you see anyone violating the new corporate code of ethics, report it immediately." Dilbert raises his hand and says, "I'd like to report our senior management for telling us to ship products that we know are defective." The Boss responds, "Yes, I will take care of that." Dilbert waves one hand, points his finger at The Boss with the other, and says, "Oooh! Oooh! Lying!!! I report you!!!"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 01, 2003's comic on:


Tags #nemesis, #pointy haired, #software division, #report to boss, #no difference, #harware, #software, #engineering

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"This is my nemesis, pointy-haired Carl. He manages our software division." "Write up some reasons why he should report to me. I'll secretly give it to our Vice President." "Start by saying there's no real difference between hardware and software." "I'm unclean!"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 02, 2003's comic on:


Tags #pointy haired, #takeover, #should report, #secret got out, #extra money

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"Our goal is nothing less than a complete takeover of pointy-haired Carl's software division." "We'll start secretly doing their jobs in addition to our own. Then I'll argue that they should report to me." "Hypothetically, if the secret got out, would we stop working twice as hard for no extra money?"