Take Advantage Comic Strips - Page 5

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #punctuated equilibrium, #third eye, #natural advantage, #dinosaurs, #enemies, #ziteye

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Bob says to Dogbert, "I plan to use punctuated equilibrium to turn this zit into a third eye." Dogbert replies, "That's not a natural advantage. You'd better stay away from the fitter dinosaurs." Bob says, "Ha ha! My only enemies are Bullysaurs and they..." A Bullysaur sneaks up behind Bob and calls out, "Hey, zit eye!"

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #rat hole, #business plan, #pay huge investment fees, #money losing, #take your money, #push in hole

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Dogbert is sitting outside behind a desk labeled, "Rat Hole." A businessman approaches holding a bag of money and asks, "May I throw money down the rat hole?" Dogbert replies, "Show me your business plan." Dogbert flips through the business plan and says, "You plan to pay huge investment banking fees to buy a low-margin, money-losing business..." Dogbert says, "For an extra fee, I'll push you in the hold and take your money." The businessman replies, "Oooh, sounds good."

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #stagger lunch, #someone here, #know in adavnce, #take a pill, #pecking order, #errands

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The Boss addresses a meeting, "From now on, I want you to stagger your lunch so someone is always here." Asok exclaims, "Gaaa! As the lowest person in the pecking order, I will never know in advance when I can eat." Asok yells, "It is the end of errands as I know them!!" The Boss turns and says, "Sheesh, take a pill."

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #take call, #excuse me, #inconsiderate guts, #crushing head, #imagine

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Dilbert is in a meeting. His coworker's cell phone rings. The coworker says, "Excuse me while I take this call." Dilbert replies, "Okay." Just as the coworker is about the answer his phone, Dilbert says, "Excuse me while I hate your inconsiderate guts." The coworker turns away annoyed and says into his phone, "No, nothing important." Dilbert continues, "Excuse me while I imagine crushing your head."

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #100 hrs a week, #ask for raise, #top secret facilit, #super genius, #resume, #honest, #take one, #know one

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An interviewee says to The Boss, "If you hire me, I'll work a hundred hours a week and never ask for a raise!" The interviewee continues, "I went to school at a top-secret facility for super geniuses; that's why it's not on my resume." The Boss says to Catbert, "And I'm sure it's all true because he says he's honest!" Catbert replies, "Apparently it doesn't take one to know one."

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #body double, #despots, #most successful, #double, #take hit, #personal dress code, #dress intern

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Dogbert stands on The Boss' desk and says, "You need a body double. They're popular with your most successful despots." Dogbert continues, "If someone tries to ambush you into making a decision, the double will take the hit." The Boss approaches Asok with a pointy-haired hat in his hands and says, "I want you to think of this as your own personal dress code."

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #new corporate code, #report immediately, #señor management, #ship prodcuts, #defective, #take care, #lying, #report you

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The Boss addresses a meeting, "If you see anyone violating the new corporate code of ethics, report it immediately." Dilbert raises his hand and says, "I'd like to report our senior management for telling us to ship products that we know are defective." The Boss responds, "Yes, I will take care of that." Dilbert waves one hand, points his finger at The Boss with the other, and says, "Oooh! Oooh! Lying!!! I report you!!!"

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #take training, #mismanagement skills, #awed, #send wally

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Dilbert: I desperately need to take this training. The Boss: we can't spare you. Send wally and have him tell you what he learned. Dilbert: Im awed by the sheer artistry of your mismanagement skills. The Boss: Thank you.

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #take risks, #employees afraid, #train them, #stitch goals, #punishing for failure, #raise morale, #stopped complaints

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Catbert: "According to this report, our employees are afraid to take risks." The Boss: "We can train them to take risks by giving them stretch goals and punishing them for failing!" Catbert: "We did that to raise morale." The Boss: "It stopped all the complaining, didn't it?"

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #signal meeting end, #take hint, #all gone

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Dilbert: "I'll arrange my papers to signal that I want this meeting to end." "Tap tap tap" "C'mon, take a hint!" Man: "So, as I was saying..." "Tap tap tap" Dilbert: "The man would not take a hint." Dogbert: "I said it's all gone!"