Take Call Comic Strips - Page 5
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Dogbert stands behind Dilbert's desk and asks, "Want to hear some engineer jokes?" Dilbert replies, "No." Dogbert says, "How many engineers does it take to change a lightbulb?" Dogbert says, "Six: one to hold the bulb and five to argue about how to rotate it on this side of the equator." Dogbert giggles. Dogbert says, "What's the difference between a fungus and an engineer? A fungus can grow on you . . ." He laughs. Dogbert asks, "What do you call a dog that's been run over by a steamroller?" Dilbert says, "Spot." Dogbert leaves the room and says, "We were having such a good time until he started getting personal."
Catbert peers over the wall and says, "Wally, it's time for your mandatory blood test." Wally says, "I don't take drugs." Catbert, who is holding a syringe, replies, "I'm testing to see if you're stealing time from the company." Wally asks, "Time? How can you test for that?" Catbert replies, "We test your general health. If it's good, you're not working enough hours. You thief."
Dogbert stands on a chair with his paw poised over the keyboard. Dogbert thinks, "As network administrator I can take down the network with one keystroke." Dogbert presses a key and the employees all scream. Dogbert thinks, "It's just like being a doctor but without getting gooky stuff on my paws."
Bob the dinosaur sits at a conference table with Ratbert and Dogbert.There are telephones on the table. Dogbert says, "You two will be my telemarketers. Here's a list of known idiots to call." Ratbert takes the list and picks up the phone. "I'll go first, Bob. Let's see... I dial the number and wait for an idiot to answer..." Bob's phone rings while he stares at it. Oblivious, Ratbert says, "C'mon, you loser, pick up the phone."
Dogbert stands opn top of a filing cabinet wearing his crown and holding his scepter. An employee looks up at Dogbert who says, "I don't like to call what I'm doing 'downsizing.' It sounds too negative. Bob the Dinosaur gives the employee a wedgie with a firm "Yank!" Dogbert says, "I like to call it 'wedgiesizing.' Now clean out your desk and shoo!" Bob says, "He didn't take that very well." Dogbert sits on the edge of the cabinet and says, "You can't please everyone, Bob."
Dilbert and Dogbert look out the window. Dilbert says, "Uh-oh. All of the stupid people you've insulted have formed a mob and surrounded our house." The in-duh-viduals hold signs that say, "Down with Dogbert." One says to another, "We don't have to take this abuse.. let's see how long he can survivce without water!" Dilbert says, "They're taking turns putting our hose in their mouths. I think they're trying to drink all of our water."
Dilbert is walking by the Boss's office. He hears the Boss say, "I'll call you back in one hour, Irene." The Boss says, "You're in a different time zone, so you'll get the call in... um... three hours." Dilbert stops to listen. The Boss's eyes bug out in confusion and he says, "Really? You're three hours ahead? Then that means... whoa!.. you're freaking me out here!"
Alice peaks into Dilbert's cube while he is sitting at his computer terrminal and says, "I just heard that all our top executives got locked in a conference room and starved to death." Dilbert replies, "Why didn't they use the phone to call for help?" Caption: One week ago... Three executives sitting at a table staring at a phone. One, while holding a piece of paper, says, "It's agreed: We dial 83 to get an outside line." Another executive says, "Uh-oh. This one doesn't do decimals."
Dilbert and Wally standing outside a cubicle holding mugs. Dilbert says, "An executive search firm is trying to find a new C.E.O. for us." Wally says, "It'll be tough." Wally says, "No ethical person would board a sinking ship just to plunder its treasure." Ted and Dogbert sitting at table. Sheet of paper in front of Dogbert. Ted hands Dogbert a pen and says, "Are you ready to take the challenge?" Dogbert responds, "Oh, I'll take more than that!"
Dilbert, Wally and a woman from marketing sit at a conference table. The woman sits in front of a computer and says, "It's time for marketing to put the glitter on this software you've created." She continues, "With my guidance this will become the premier data backup software!" Wally says, "Bear in mind that we said it would take six months to write it." Dilbert says, "You only gave us a month." The woman says, "We'll fix the bugs in the next release. Tell me about the features." Wally says, "At this point, all it does is erase your disk drive." Dilbert adds, "Unless you're on a network." The woman asks, "What happens if you're on a network?" Wally replies, "It erases everybody's disk drives." Wally continues, "And heaven help you if you have a modem . . ." Dilbert says, "It calls all your friends and erases their PCs." The woman says, "We'll call it 'QuikProtect.'" Dilbert adds, "If you have a sound card it swears at you."