Talking To Much Comic Strips - Page 5
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Alice is at her computer and the boss says: "Alice, I've been asked to counsel you about your abuse of co-workers." The boss says: "The theory is that I can alter your personality by talking to you." Alice grinds her teeth and shakes her fists in the air while the boss says: "If you feel a tingle, that's probably your DNA changing."
The Boss and Ted are walking together, carrying their briefcases. Ted says: "Let me do all the talking to the customer." The Boss replies: "Check!" The Boss, Ted, and the customer are sitting at a table. The Boss says to the customer: "You'd better make up your mind fast. We plan to discontinue that product any day." Walking back from the meeting, the Boss says to Ted, who is turned away from the Boss and looks angry, "Well, excuse me for trying to fill a lull in the conversation."
The Boss says to Dilbert, "Write a performance evaluation for yourself." The Boss continues, "Shoot for about 3% raise...because that's what you're getting." Dilbert's computer states, "Dilbert's inventions will earn a billion dollars. But we think he steals almost as much."
The Boss says to his staff during a meeting, "From now on, this is going to be a fun organization." Wally asks the Boss, "When are you leaving?" The meeting ends and Wally and Dilbert are leaving the room. Wally's glasses are broken and he looks like he's been ruffed up a little. Wally says to Dilbert, "I had no idea that a rubber chicken could hurt so much."
Dilbert and Wally are both wearing aprons. Dilbert, counting money, asks Wally, "How much did you make in tips today?" Wally says, "Three breath mints and one death threat scrawled on a napkin." Wally says to Dilbert, "I hope I don't forget which breath mint came from the napkin guy."
Catbert and Dilbert watch The Boss who is in a coma at his desk. Catbert says, "A manager's brain is like a pump. If it becomes empty you must prime it." Catbert says to Dilbert, "Whatever he learns first will form the foundation for all of his future perceptions." Catbert points at Dilbert and says to The Boss, "This guy has been talking smack about you." The Boss begins to come to, saying, "Unh..."
The Boss sits at the head of the conference table. He says, "It's not enough to 'serve' our customers..." The Boss continues, "We must DELIGHT them!" Alice asks, "You mean we have to stop price-gouging?" The Boss replies, "No, I think we can still do that." Wally raises his hand and says, "Ooh! Ooh!I know!" Wally continues, "We could stop selling products with known defects." The Boss shouts, "I'm talking about products, not customers!!" Wally turns to Dilbert and Alice and asks, "Do you feel like delighting customers?" Dilbert replies, "I barely have the empathy to pity them."
Dilbert and Wally stand drinking coffee and talking. Wally asks, "What's the ratio of work to gabbing that is still considered 'work'?" Dilbert replies, "I'd have to say one-in-eight, maybe one-in-nine." Wally agrees, "Sounds right." Dilbert pauses and asks, "Does talking about work count as work?" Wally replies, "Well, I'm not enjoying it."
Dilbert is sitting at his computer. The Boss approaches from behind and says, "My home phone turns into a talking clock after midnight." Dilbert turns slightly. The Boss continues, "Yeah, I didn't believe it either until Wally taught me how to use it." The Boss is at home. A voice from his phone yells, "It's 3:14 in the morning you #%*!* idiot!" The Boss thinks to himself, "Yup."
Alice exclaims at The Boss, "My review says I 'Need too much supervision.' Are you insane?!" Alice continues, "Most days I can't get your time-wasting, lard-filled suit out of my cubicle with a freakin' crane!!" Alice realizes, "GAAA!! It's a trap! You're supervising me too much right now!!" The Boss replies, "I win."