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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 27, 1997's comic on:


Tags #internet community, #sarcastic suggestion, #email campaign, #improve image, #mass unsolicited, #tell people, #how nice we are

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Dilbert is sitting at his computer. The Boss walks up behind him and says, "We have to improve our image in the Internet community." Dilbert says, "Let's do a mass unsolicited e-mail campaign to tell people how nice we are." Dilbert comes home and looks very angry. Dogbert says, "You have the look of a man who was just put in charge of implementing his own sarcastic suggestion."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 09, 1998's comic on:


Tags #less perfectionist, #apathy, #low standards, #positive traits, #intrapreneurial spirit

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The Boss sitting at his desk while Alice stands opposite him. The Boss says, "Alice, you'd get more accomplished if you were less of a perfectionist." The Boss continues, "I've asked Wally to work with you - to teach you how to be less perfect." Alice says to Wally, "When did apathy and low standards become positive traits?" Wally, while sitting, responds, "I call it intrapreneurial spirit."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 13, 1998's comic on:


Tags #teach elbonians, #cobol, #reschedule, #send wally, #dilbert doesn't know cobol

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Dilbert stands with The Boss. Dilbert's arms are raised in anger. Dilbert says, "Why are sending ME to teach cobol to the Elbonians? Wally is the one who knows cobol, not me." The Boss says, "Wally said he's busy that day." Dilbert says, "Can't you reschedule the class." The Boss says, "Okay... does tomorrow work for you?" Dilbert raises his clenched fists. Dilbert says, "YOU"RE SOLVING THE WRONG PROBLEM!"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 18, 1995's comic on:


Tags #crossfire, #cnn, #only creature, #televsion, #each me, #debate, #television, #same desires, #experiences, #disagree, #stupid, #over silplfying, #Opinion, #Entertainment

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Dilbert sits at his desk next to Dogbert. Ratbert enters and says, "I've been invited to be a guest on 'Crossfire' on CNN." Ratbert says, "I'm the only creature on earth who hasn't already been on television." Ratbert asks, "Can you teach me how to debate on television, Dogbert?" Dogbert replies, "Okay." Dogbert says, "First, Ratbert, assume everybody has the same desires and experiences as you." Ratbert touches his head and says, "Absorb absorb." Dogbert continues, "Therefore, if they disagree with you they must be stupid." Dilbert says, "I think you're over-simplifying, Dogbert." Dogbert asks, "What was that opinion, Ratbert?" Ratbert replies, "Stupid!" Dogbert says, "You're ready for 'Crossfire,' Ratbert." Ratbert says, "I usually like the same movies as the fat one."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 13, 1999's comic on:


Tags #secret lair, #teach reality, #dumpster, #cubicle, #french fry, #lumbar support

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Phil drags Asok by his tie. Phil says, "Asok, come to my lair and I will teach you about reality." Asok and Phil stand by a dumpster. ASok says, "Your secret lair is a dumpster?" Phil says, "Get in" Asok and Phil sit in the middle of the trash in the dumpster. Asok says, "It's like my cubicle, but with much better lumbar support!" Phil eats a french fry and says, "French fry?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 17, 1999's comic on:


Tags #no money down, #plan to conquer, #designed, #sitting, #soft fur

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Dogbert sits in front of the television with the remote. The television says, "'In tape one, I'll teach you how to conquer a small island for no money down.'" Dogbert drops the remote in surprise as the television continues, "First, you must travel to the place you plan to conquer." Dogbert says to Dilbert, "I'm designed for sitting. That's why my butt is covered with soft fur." Dilbert sits beside him on the couch and says, "I think that's happening to me too."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 03, 1999's comic on:


Tags #website, #webbish, #how long, #office, #technology

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The boss says to Dilbert, who is sitting at his computer: "The web site needs to be more webbish" The boss says to Dilbert: "But not to webbish" The boss says to Dilbert: "How long will that take?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 04, 2000's comic on:


Tags #product to meet demand, #lower demand, #bah, #new startegy, #more arrogant, #teach

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The Boss says at a meeting: "We can't make enough of our product to meet demand." He continues: "Our new strategy is to be more arrogant. We hope that will lower demand." At home, Dilbert asks Dogbert: "Can you teach me to be arrogant." Dogbert exclaims: "Bah!"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 27, 2000's comic on:


Tags #fired everyone, #used the internet, #personal stuff, #wrinkle, #policy, #web

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Catbert is standing on the boss's desk. Catbert says, "I fired everyone who used the internet for personal stuff." Catbert continues, "The only wrinkle in that policy is that you and I are the only employees left." Catbert says, "And frankly, I use the web for personal stuff too." The boss says, "Can you teach me how?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 23, 2000's comic on:


Tags #tips today, #how much, #three breath mints, #death threat, #scrawled napkin, #napkin guy

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Dilbert and Wally are both wearing aprons. Dilbert, counting money, asks Wally, "How much did you make in tips today?" Wally says, "Three breath mints and one death threat scrawled on a napkin." Wally says to Dilbert, "I hope I don't forget which breath mint came from the napkin guy."