Total Sociopath Comic Strips - Page 5
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The Boss sits at his desk. He says, "Tina, we need to set measurable objectives for you." Tina responds, "I'm a technical writer. How can you measure good writing?" The Boss says, "Everything is measurable is you try hard enough." Tina asks, "Is that your well-measured opinion?" She continues, "Or is it the dogmatic babbling of a manager in total cognitive surrender?" The Boss comes back with, "For example, we could measure the number of words you type." He adds, "We'll have to subtract words you delete. That way we won't motivate the wrong behavior." Tina is now at her desk, typing. She has written, "In this edition of Tina's hourly newsletter, I compare our projects to various types of wood."
The boss says to Dilbert: "I scheduled the meeting for 6:00 A.M. so everyone can make it." Dilbert says to the boss: "I assume you'll show up at eight o'clock and blame the traffic." The boss walks away and says: "The great thing about being a sociopath is that I always get enough sleep."
Ron is sitting at his desk. He thinks to himself, "If I use the speakerphone it will annoy my co-workers." He continues thinking, "Luckily for me, I'm a sociopath." Dilbert approaches from behind and says, "Two things: you're a bit loud... and you're eating my lunch." Ron responds, "It's delicious."
Headline: The Sociopath. Ron and Alice are sitting across from each other at restaurant table. Ted says, "Tipping is optional so I never do it." Alice looks surprised. She asks, "Um.. have you eaten here before?" A waitress approaches the table and angrily throws bread at Ron, hitting him on the head. She grunts, "Here's some bread." Alice looks on nervously.
Dogbert: "You need to change the company's name to create the illusion of progress." "The name should be hi-tech sounding with a hint of onomatopoeia that signals your total lack of awareness." "Maybe something like 'Duhflushtech, inc.'" "I like it!"
Dilbert: Did you make the software changes I suggested? Coworker: No, because I reflexively disagree with ever suggestion that anyone ever makes. Dilbert: You're very reasonable. Coworker: No, I'm a total jer... wait, what did you just do there?
Coworker: Do you mind if I rummage through the trash in the technology lab? Dilbert: Um, okay. Coworker: I'm getting back to my hunter-gatherer roots. Score! These old power cords sell on Ebay for up to $3 apiece. Ha ha! I'm a genius who turns trash into gold! How's that compare to whatever you're doing here. Dilbert: Well, I'm removing valuable features from our product so we can.. gouge our customers with the... upgrade. Coworker: Wow. Your life is a total waste. Dilbert: Not if I sell the power cord.