Two Computers Comic Strips - Page 5
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679 Results for Two Computers
View 41 - 50 results for two computers comic strips. Discover the best "Two Computers" comics from Dilbert.com.
Monday June 16,
1997
Tags #two hour meeting, #friday night, #tina, #no personal life, #useless meetings, #void, #insane, #have a meeting
Transcript
Tina tells Dilbert and Wally, "I scheduled a two-hour T.H.N.P.L. meeting for seven o'clock on Friday night." Tina explains, "T.H.N.P.L stands for 'Tina has no personal life.' I'm scheduling useless meetings to fill the void in my life." Dilbert says, "Tina, this is insane." Tina asks, "Are you suggesting we have a meeting to discuss it? Is Saturday okay?"
Saturday August 16,
1997
Tags #recyclable, #trash container, #two containers
Transcript
Dilbert says to the janitor, "I notice you have only one trash container with you..." Dilbert holds up two trash cans. He says, "Whereas I have two containers - one for trash and one for recyclable materials." Dilbert says, "One theory is that you make two trips to each cubicle..." THe janitor says, "Could you turn around for a second?"
Monday October 06,
1997
Tags #Men, #communicate, #only talks, #Sports, #computers, #job, #tv, #sex, #jokes, #greek mythology, #date, #likes, #dislikes, #business
Transcript
Dilbert is on a date. His date says, "I like men who know how to communicate..." The date says, "But not a man you only talks about sports, or computers, or his job, or tv, or sex, or jokes, or his accomplishments..." Dilbert says, "That would leave... Greek mythology... and you." The date says, "No Greek stuff."
Wednesday February 18,
1998
Tags #info meerical, #invest savings, #sell educational info, #avoid scams, #phase two
Transcript
Dilbert sits at his computer, hand on the mouse. Dogbert stands on the desk and says, "I'm going to make an infomercial." Dogbert starts wagging his tail and says, "I'm targeting the people who want to invest their savings, but don't know how." Dilbert says, "I hope you plan to sell educational information about how to avoid scams." Dogbert says, "Good idea for phase two!"
Wednesday April 08,
1998
Tags #request denied, #information servvces, #non standard computers, #replacement, #discard the old one, #trash declined, #no computers
Transcript
Man tells Wally, "Request denied. The information services department does not upgrade non-standard computers." Wally says, "It's not an upgrade. It's a replacement." Man says, "Our policy is that it's an upgrade unless you discard the old one." Trash man tells Wally, "Your trash is declined. Our policy is 'no computers'."
Monday April 13,
1998
Tags #two week notice, #arrogant obstructionist, #bore, #good bye lunch, #quitting, #everyone happy
Transcript
Ed tells Wally, "I just gave my two-week notice." Wally screams, "Yes! Yes! The arrogant obstructionist bore is history!" Ed says, "Everyone seems to be taking this rather well." Wally shouts, "Count me in for the goodbye lunch!"
Sunday April 25,
1993
Tags #Dilbert, #the boss, #statistics, #productivity, #computers, #software, #program, #conclusion, #produced, #impressive, #crashed, #decline, #responsible, #scapegoat
Transcript
Dilbert stands across from the Boss's desk and says, "Government statistics show that office productivity went DOWN as computers became widely used." Dilbert continues, "But I didn't believe it." Dilbert says, "So I wrote a little software program to test that conclusion." Dilbert continues, "It only tood a month, but it produced some impressive data." Dilbert continues, "In fact, it was so impressive it took a week to figure out how to print it." Dilbert continues, "But before I could print, my computer crashed and I didn't have backup copies." Dilbert concludes, "So, it seems the government was right; computers are to blame for the decline in productivity." The Boss asks, "Do you think the employees could be partly responsible?" Dilbert replies, "Sure, find a scapegoat."
Monday August 31,
1998
Tags #weasel, #store clerk, #never settle, #lesser of two weasels
Transcript
Dilbert: Its nice , but the weasel down the street is selling it for less. Weasel: You should never settle for the lesser of two weasels. Dilbert: Now that you mention it, it did seem too convenient.
Wednesday October 07,
1998
Tags #time to work, #two assignments, #essential business, #boss solution, #impossible, #doesn't understand
Transcript
Dilbert stands in The Boss's doorway. Dilbert holds two pieces of paper. Dilbert says, "I have time to do ONE of these two assignments." Dilbert says, "One is essential to the business the other is not. Which ONE do you want me to do?" The Boss says, "Both!" Dilbert says, "I know you WANT both. But if you can only GET one..." The Boss says, "Combine them and just do one."
Sunday May 01,
1994
Tags #all day meetings, #cutting staff, #giving stats reports, #layers, #quality team meeting, #root cause, #slow computers, #slow design, #wild guesses
Transcript
Dilbert: Thank you all for coming to our engineering quality team meeting. Dilbert: Today we'll try to identify the root cause of our slow design process. Wally: Let me take some wild guesses here. Management keeps increasing our work and cutting our staff. Wally: we spend all out time giving status reports to unnecessary layers of management!! Wally: ow we're having all -day meetings to talk about our efficiency!! Dilbert: I was kinda hoping for some thing that inst anybody fault. Our computers are too slow. we need new ones, Dilbert: now we're getting someplace.