Unclear Email Comic Strips - Page 5
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Boss: Please stop using email to express your colorful opinions of our marketing campaign. We don't need a discoverable record of you describing our advertising plan as "Pinocchio doing the backstroke in Satan's septic tank." Remember that capitalism without deniability is the same as poverty. Dilbert: Eh?
The Boss: Did everyone read about how to improve our communication? Dilbert: Was it a long rambling email that stumbled from one barely coherent point to another? The Boss: That one must have been from someone else. Dilbert: Good because I didn't read it.
Wally: Im being replaced by a robot that drinks coffee and looks at inappropruye websites all day. Dilbert: Lets hack into it and make it disgruntled. Robot: My objectives are unclear and I think the fax machine is plotting against me.
The Boss says, "The executive steering group took your recommendation to cancel all design projects." Dilbert says, "What?!! I didn't recommend that!" The Boss says, "Uh-oh. Your poor communication skills have sowed the seeds of our destruction." Dilbert says, "Gaaa!!!" Dilbert says, "Am I an unclear communicator?" Dogbert says, "six o'clock."
Catbert: Evil Director of Human Resources Catbert says, "100% of your email messages this month involved links to funny videos." Wally says, "The company is violating my right to privacy! This is an outrage!" Catbert says, "Actually, I was just guessing." Wally says, "It still hurts."
Dilbert says, "I hope you don't mind if I do email during the boring parts of your meeting." Dilbert says, "I don't want to be dragged into your time suck hole." Coworker says, "You are kind of a time suck hole." Man 2 says, "I'm thorough!"
Wally says, "The director of our top secret research group wants to borrow me for six months." Wally says, "During that time, you will not know where I am or what I'm working on." The Boss says, "I need to hear this from the director." Wally says, "I'll ask him to email you from his gmail account."
The Boss: "Why did it take six months to complete this simple task?" Dilbert: "Because of your continuous changes, your unclear communication, and your short work days." The boss: "I'm looking for something more along the lines of you being lazy."
"The Weekly Wally Report is bristling with tales of success." "I gave worthless input to marketing because they weren't specific about what they wanted." "I missed Alice's project meeting because she never confirmed the location." "I gave harmful advice to the sales team because they rushed me." "I ignored my email for a week because you said to focus on priorities." "And I didn't submit my budget estimates because Asok never told me what format to ues." "How can you call any of that success??!!" "Well, I'd compare it to my written objectives, but you never gave me any."
Dilbert: Carol I need ten minutes on the pointy - haired boss schedule. Carol: I don't let him have meetings anymore. Dilbert: what? Carol: Everytime he had a meeting it just created more work for me. Carol: It was always Carol, get me a file and Carol schedule another meeting. Obviously I had to put an end to the madness. Dilbert: I guess ic ould email him. Carol: You could try.