Write Messages Comic Strips - Page 5

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

226 Results for Write Messages

View 41 - 50 results for write messages comic strips. Discover the best "Write Messages" comics from Dilbert.com.

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 08, 2003's comic on:


Tags #alice, #mulitask, #one person, #schedule, #second task, #two task, #write a patch, #timeline

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss: How do I make this software schedule one persons to two task at the same time? I can write a patch that inserts new months in the timeline. The Boss: and the second task is due on the fifteenth of Floopuary.

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 02, 2005's comic on:


Tags #employees, #the boss, #asok, #projects, #new, #challenge, #tina, #write, #newsletter, #worthless, #assistant

View Transcript

Transcript

I have completed all of my projects and I am ready for a new challenge. "You can help Tina write the department newsletter." "But the newsletter job is only given to the most worthless employee." "And her assistant."

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 30, 2000's comic on:


Tags #dogcart consults, #software has bugs, #repackaging, #rust inhibitor, #error messages, #people aren't stupid, #they are, #spit when type

View Transcript

Transcript

Dogbert says to Dilbert and the Boss, "Your software product is riddled with bugs." Dogbert continues, "I recommend repackaging it as a rust inhibitor for computers." Dogbert says, "The ads will say 'you know it's working because of all the error messages'." Dilbert replies, "People aren't stupid." Dogbert answers, "According to my research they are." Dogbert shows a diagrahm of a human brain with each section labeled. The Boss replies, "I think the rust turned my exclamation upside down." Dilbert says, "That's the letter 'I'."

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 22, 2007's comic on:


Tags #favorable article, #publish press release, #write it, #work, #pay, #bride, #blackmail

View Transcript

Transcript

Tina: I hope you don't expect me to write a favorable article about your company just because you bought me drinks. Dogbert: No, I expect you to publish my press release and act like you wrote it. Tina: You can work or you can get drunk , but the pay is exactly the same.

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 24, 2012's comic on:


Tags #death & dying, #death certificate, #staple on head, #no return messages

View Transcript

Transcript

Alice: You haven't returned any of my messages, so I took the liberty of making a death certificate for you. I'll just staple it to the back of your head so everyone can see it. Are we good here?

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 10, 2008's comic on:


Tags #spam filter, #self aware, #managing the company, #messages, #allow through, #email, #hair growth

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert says, "Our spam filter has become self-aware" Dilbert says, "It's managing the company by deciding which messages to allow through." The Boss says, "All I'm getting is e-mail about hair growth and... ooh, another lucky guess."

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 28, 2010's comic on:


Tags #tired, #exhausted, #research, #lie, #avoid work, #lab report, #meeting, #write down, #science, #business

View Transcript

Transcript

Wally says, "I'm exhausted from all of the basic research I'm doing." Wally says, "It's too bad that the value of my work won't be quantifiable for another ten years." The Boss says, "I'd like to see your lab report." Wally says, "So? the new rule is that we write down stuff?"

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 15, 2010's comic on:


Tags #meeting, #customers, #trust, #board, #write, #lie, #raise hand, #business

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss says, "How can we rebuild the trust of our customers? Let's brainstorm." Dilbert says, "We could stop using misleading benchmark tests to sell shoddy products that have hidden costs." The Boss says, "I heard someone say 'lie.' Let's write that one down."

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 15, 2007's comic on:


Tags #unqualified, #position, #job, #higher salray, #negotiate riase, #irrational dipwad, #easily manipulated, #bogus compariosns, #illusion of scaricity, #can't have you, #desparate to hire, #rationalizations, #total lack of qaulifications, #write the offer, #business

View Transcript

Transcript

"No offense, but you're totally unqualified for this position." Wally: "That's okay. I already have a job." "I just need a job offer at a higher salary so I can use it to negotiate for a raise." Wally: "My boss is an irrational dipwad who is easily manipulated by bogus comparisons and the illusion of scarcity." Wally: "Your offer will make him think my value is much higher than it actually is." "Great. Now that I know I can't have you, I desperately want to hire you." "My mind is already forming rationalizations for your total lack of qualifications!" "How do you turn this off?!!" Wally: "I'll tell you after you write the offer."

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 14, 2007's comic on:


Tags #write code, #faster, #high level of effciciency, #recognized, #rewarded, #works for you, #finish all projects, #one hour

View Transcript

Transcript

Asok: I found a clever way to write my application code in one hour! "Normally this sort of thing would take weeks." "I assume my high level of efficiency will be recognized and rewarded." Alice: "Let me know how that works out for you." The Boss: "You did all of that in one hour?" Asok: "Yes. I did." The Boss: "From now on. I expect you to finish all of your projects in one hours." "Otherwise I'll assume you're ripping off the company." Asok: "You could have warned me." Alice: "That's not how experience works."