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View 41 - 50 results for written by comic strips. Discover the best "Written By" comics from Dilbert.com.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #loser magazine, #forgetting, #sounds good, #fame

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The reporter says to Wally, "Your story is perfect for 'Loser Magazine.'" The reporter continues, "It makes me wish I'd written it down because I'm already forgetting...Oops, it's gone." The reporter concludes, "I'll just make up something that sounds good. And I'll use photos of a model. Thanks, Willy." Wally thinks, "I'm famous!"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #backs up, #fake news, #lake view, #potential fire place, #rains, #real estate charlatan, #seasonal skylight, #sweras, #turning bad into good, #well written

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Dogbert the real estate agent "When it rains the sewer backs up and covers the driveway." "Lake view." "Every spring rabid squirrels rip off huge chunks of the roof to look for food." "Seasonal skylight." "The dry brush behind the house is a fire hazard." "Potential, fireplace."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

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I've written a future best-selling book. "It's part fake autobiography and part plagiarism." Moby Dog Publisher Pitch "You were a large white whale? Wow!" "Until I married Mary Magdalene."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #wages, #compensation, #achieving goals, #debating, #money

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Boss: Your compensation will be based on achieving these goals. Dilbert: Awesome. It's like written permission to ignore everything else you ask me to do. Boss: It's not like that at all. Dilbert: Get back to me when you finish debating yourself.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #jesus, #downsized, #return as consultant, #save pensions, #forgetful boss

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Pronounced Hay-Soos The Boss: Jesus, I thought you got down-sized. Jesus: I came back. Tell the others I was downsized so I could return as a consultant and save their pensions. The Boss: I should have written that down."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #soul crushing negativity, #humanity final chapter, #darkness, #anticipating

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Dilbert: That's my plan. Now I'd like to open the floor to your soul-crushing negativity. Jesus: You have written humanity's final chapter!" Tina: Darkness stalks us!" "I'll never know love!" Man: Anticipating it didn't help.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #ceo, #conference, #meeting, #greed, #corruption, #illegal, #business

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CEO summit Dogbert says, "Obviously it's illegal for companies to rig bids." Dogbert says, "But interestingly, the crime is nearly impossible to prove when nothing is written down." Dogbert says, "I'd like you to meet Eddie. Pay close attention to how many times he stomps his hoof."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #weekly wally report, #worthless iput, #harmful advice, #ignored email, #priorities, #my budget estimates, #any success, #format

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"The Weekly Wally Report is bristling with tales of success." "I gave worthless input to marketing because they weren't specific about what they wanted." "I missed Alice's project meeting because she never confirmed the location." "I gave harmful advice to the sales team because they rushed me." "I ignored my email for a week because you said to focus on priorities." "And I didn't submit my budget estimates because Asok never told me what format to ues." "How can you call any of that success??!!" "Well, I'd compare it to my written objectives, but you never gave me any."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #leadership meeting, #no pen, #no notes, #no decison, #no leadership

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CEO: This was a productive four hour leadership meeting, Id like one of you to type up your notes and send an email to the entire company. No one took notes? The Boss: I didn't have a pen. CEO: Okay no problem, does anyone remember what we decided? The Boss: We agreed to increase...something No, decrease something. CEO: Never mind. lets try it gain on thursday at 8AM Carol: When is the next leadership meeting? The Boss: I should have written that down.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #access, #apprval, #blocked website, #cip, #director of hr, #hostiliy, #mean, #threat

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This website has been blocked by your company. Dilbert: Mordac, I need access to a blocked site for business reasons, Mordac: I can only unblock the site if the director of human resources sends me a written approval. Catbert: I can only make recommendations, Our Cis still has to approve it. Chief Information Officer How dare you bother me with your trivial website problem! Carol back into your hole and think about the career mistake you just made! Dilbert: Can we kip the part where you ask me what I accomplished this week?