2008 Comic Strips - Page 5

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #personality predictor, #judge career, #dead end job, #matches, #lack of potential, #sample question, #angry loner, #embezzler, #lazy, #label yourself

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss: We'll be using the Dogbert personality predictor index to judge your career potential. Then we'll leave you in the dead end job that most closely matches your lack of potential. Here's a sample question... How would other people describe you? A)Angry loner B) embezzler C) lazy Dilbert: That's not enough choices! Dogbert: Says the angry loner. The Boss: You have thirty minutes to give yourself a label that will haunt you for the rest of your life. Wally: Would you say I'm more of an unidentified hominid or an inappropriate toucher?"

Top Dilbert Searches

marketing, project, cloud, catbert, leadership, budget, birthday, engineer, time sheet, sales, wally, strategy, dogbert, powerpoint, project management, topper, leader, boss, change, meeting, data, management, mordac

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #sensitive material, #interoffice, #topsecret, #moron, #security department, #slap hard, #run fast

View Transcript

Transcript

Ted: Your most sensitive materials should always be sent in an interoffice envelope marked 'top secret. Dilbert: Are you a moron who works in our security department, or an industrial spy who is too lazy to look through lots of envelopes? The boss: Our security guys don't slap that hard or run that fast.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #servers, #electricity, #virtualize, #trade journal, #software, #over shoulder, #computer, #boss, #worker, #technology, #engineering

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss: Our servers are using too much electricity. We need to virtualize. I did my part by reading about virtualization in a trade journal. Now you do the software part. Why is your part taking so long?"

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #consultant, #virtualization, #project, #employees, #heavy thinking, #obstacles, #progress, #business

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss: I hired a consultant to help with our virtualization project because I don't trust employees with anything important. Dogbert: I will do the heavy thinking while each of you performs your usual duties as obstacles to progress. Dilbert: You said this is my project! Dogbert: I'll let him unplug something.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #hurl software, #phase one, #server, #unplug server, #virtualization project, #team of monkeys

View Transcript

Transcript

Dogbert: There's no need to worry about the server virtualization project. In phase one a team of blind monkeys will unplug unnecessary servers. In phase two, the monkeys will hurl software at whatever is left. Voila!"

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #server, #project, #virtualization, #rates, #online, #trouble ticket, #scam, #inside job

View Transcript

Transcript

Dogbert: The server virtualization project is done, and there are no trouble tickets. My rates might seem steep, but remember, there are no trouble tickets. Dilbert: Our online trouble ticket system is broken."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #ambulance chaser, #cometition, #rumor, #salvage assets, #talented coworker, #new guy

View Transcript

Transcript

Wally: I heard a rumor that you're highly talented. That means you'll leave this company any minute. I came to salvage whatever assets you leave behind. Dilbert: Is he the talented guy? Wally: Back off! I'm already chasing this ambulance.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #argument, #assignment, #boss, #cubicle, #less is more, #more is less, #not interchangable, #wrong pharsing

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss: Here's your assignment. Do it! Do it! Do it, you idiot!" Dilbert: What kind of management is that? The Boss: That's called tough love. Dilbert: Tough love only makes sense if I am doing something wrong and refuse to change. The Boss: Well, sometimes more is less. Dilbert: The saying it 'less is more,' not 'more is less. The Boss: If less equals more, then more must equal less. Duh. "This is the part where you usually refuse to admit you are wrong."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #new guy, #tall, #giant, #awkward, #arm pits, #cubicle, #intimidating

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: Don't get too friendly with the new guy. His armpits are 66 inches off the ground. Asok: He seems nice. I fail to see how the height of his armpits is relevant. Wally: You'll see. New Guy: Hey, little buddy. Let me tell you about my weekend.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #scary guy, #electric cubicle, #scare off .coworkers, #keith richards effigy

View Transcript

Transcript

Dogbert's Electric Cubical Walls Asok: I have a leaner. I want to stun him but not kill him. Dogbert: I recommend our Keith Richards model. Asok: Maybe I should dial it back a little."