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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags Dilbert, asteroid, Dogbert, death, space, evil, golf ball, dooms day

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Dilbert stands at a desk and Dogbert sits next to a telescope. Dilbert says, "According to my calculations, the asteroid 'Sagnorpt' will collide with earth in 2.3 minutes." Dogbert covers his eyes and screams, "We're all gonna die!" Dogbert hugs Dilbert's legs and shouts, "I'm sorry about all of those bad things I've done to you!" Dogbert cries, "I renounce my evil ways! I dedicate the remaining minute of my life to the poor!!" Dogbert says, "Waitta minute . . . Why aren't you groveling for salvation?" Dilbert replies, "The asteroid is only the size of a golf ball." There's a large crash. Dilbert lies on the floor after the asteroid hits him on the head. Dogbert says, "I probably shouldn't try to read too much into this."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags Dilbert, finances, financial troll, witch, bradley, budget report, budget, erasing

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Dilbert: Great... Not only am I being forced to work in the accounting department, but I'm slowly turning into a troll. Wait a minute... This is the budget for the accounting department itself... What happens if I erase it? Bradley: Boss!!? Boss!!? Witch: Help me! I'm melting! Aaagh!!

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags Dogbert, Dilbert, anti-fur, fur, coat, computer, movement

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Dilbert sits at his desk. Dogbert says, "I've decided to join the anti-fur movement." Dilbert asks, "Isn't that hypocritical? You wear a fur coat every day." Dogbert replies, "Oh . . . Yeah, never mind . . ." Dogbert thinks, "Wait . . ."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags Dilbert, Dogbert, fur, fur coat, upper class, mittens, bad haircuts, Political, protesting

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Dogbert holds a sign that says "Fur is Murder." Dogbert asks a woman in a fur coat, "How can you live with yourself? Have you no conscience?" The woman replies, "Oh, big deal . . . A bunch of minks get bad haircuts and I get a warm coat . . . I'll bet you'd make a nice pair of mittens." Dogbert says as he walks away, "I don't think I reached her."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags fur, store, dog, spelling, Dogbert, store front, bad, fur sale

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Dogbert stands on the sidewalk holding a sign that says "Fur is Murder." There is a "Fur Sale" sign in the store behind him. The proprietor asks, "What's yer problem with my store, dog?" Dogbert replies, "I oppose the sale of fur." The storekeeper says, "I'm not selling fur. The whole store is 'fur sale.'" Dogbert says, "I oppose bad spelling too."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags Dilbert, Wally, giggle, snort, engineer, curse, Dogbert

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Dilbert sits at his desk. Wally enters and asks, "Working hard?" Dilbert replies, "Hardly working!" Dilbert giggles and snorts. Wally says, "You snorted." Back at home, Dilbert tells Dogbert, "It was my best line of the day . . . Then I snorted." Dogbert says, "The curse of the engineer."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags Dilbert, Dogbert, cars, car-phonebooth, natural, solution, coins, inventor

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Dilbert says to Dogbert, "It's NOT a stupid idea." Dilbert explains, "You see, people who don't own cars are missing out on the prestige of using car phones." Dilbert has turned a phone booth on its side and added wheels, a steering wheel and a drivers seat. Dilbert continues, "The car-phonebooth is a natural solution . . . Granted, it uses a lot of coins." Dogbert walks away.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags Dilbert, Dogbert, calculated, average, mouthful, percent, salters, necessarily, tongue, crackers, Food, salty

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Dilbert and Dogbert sit at the table eating dinner. Dilbert says, "You shouldn't salt your food before tasting it." Dogbert replies, "It's a calculated risk . . ." Dogbert explains, "The average mouthful of food is five percent of the total serving." Dogbert continues, "So timid salters eat five percent of almost every meal with too little salt . . ." Dogbert continues, "Because only one time in a thousand is food too salty to begin with." Dogbert concludes, "Therefore, over a lifetime you experience almost five percent less salt-related happiness than I do." Dilbert replies, "Not necessarily. I usually salt my tongue after the first swallow."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags Dilbert, warestore, clothes, shopping, engineer, naked, hardware, salesclerk

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Dilbert walks by Herman's Hardware Store and thinks, "Oh no . . . I'm being drawn to that hardware store." Dilbert's clothes fly off his body and he says, "The force is ripping my clothes off, but I can resist!!!" Dilbert says to a salesclerk, "I'm only looking for my clothes - I'm not shopping." The clerk replies, "You're not the first naked engineer to use that story."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags bob, dinosaur, hardware, store, phillips screw, fern, invented

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Dilbert arrives at home carrying a bag full of tools. Bob the Dinosaur says, "Looks like another shopping binge at the hardware store." Dilbert replies, "I couldn't resist." Dilbert takes a drill out of the bag and says, "Gee, Bob, what did dinosaurs do before tools were invented?" Bob replies, "It was hard . . ." Bob continues, "Sometime, you should try to tighten a Phillips screw with a fern." Dilbert replies, "That's no way to live."