Dogbert Comic Strips - Page 50

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags monster, rebate, trap, frustration, anger, yelling

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Dilbert says, "I bought a new phone. It was only $50 after rebate." Dogbert says, "Uh-Oh." Dilbert says, "Let's see what the terms of the rebate?" Foom! Monster says, "I am rebaterus. You must pass five tests before your rebate will be authorized." Monster says, "You must wait 30 days without losing or accidentally discardin the rebate forms, the receipt, and the box." Monster says, "You must figure out which of the several unlabeled codes on the box is the real rebate code." Monster says, "You must write that code into a space desighned for a code half as long." Monster says, "Some numbers look like lettters." Dilbert says, "Just keep my money!!!" Monster says, "Dude, we spent it before you left the store."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags money, investing, con, violence, lying

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Man says, "I'm thinking of investing in the Dogbert hedge fund." Man says, "Can you explain how it works?" Dogbert says, "It's simple I take your money and then use math to turn it into my money while destroying the overall economy." Man says, "Is that legal?" Dogbert says, "More so than you'd think." Man says, "What's in it for me?" Dogbert says, "My inflated claims will give you false hope." Dogbert says, "That way you won't stress out until after you retire and discover you're penniless." Man says, "But I..." Bonk! Ugh! Man says, "I don't remember the last five minutes." Dogbert says, "I was telling you that my hedge fund will earn you 520% per year."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags office, poster, cheap, cruel, mena, cannibalism, reading

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Dogbert the CEO The boss says, "The new motivational posers are in." the boss says, "As you requested, I bought the least expensive ones." Dogbert says, "Excuse me while I stretch my wagger." If all else fails?your coworkers are edible

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags negotiations, unfair, greed, money

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Dogbert the CEO man says, "The union will agree to deep cuts if you agree to work for one dollar per year." Dogbert says, "I agree, as long as I get my pay in advance and the mandatory retirement age is waived." Man says, "Fine." Dogbert says, "Call payroll and tell them to cut a check for my next ten billion years of service."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags meeting, throwing, mug, pain, violence, anger, business

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Dogbert the CEO Dogbert says, "Does anyone have any questions about my strategies?" Ted says, "Yes, I?" Zing! Bonk! Dogbert says, "This isn't the dotcom era."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags greed, meeting, evil, anger, business

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Dogbert the CEO Dogbert says, "Our new financial product is a hybrid of risky mortgage loans and a ponzi scheme." Dogbert says, "We'll cover our bad losses with our profits from making even worse loans." Dogbert says, "I'll need some wagging room while It tell you how this ties into my bonus structure."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags bank, buyout, financial crisis, economy, ridicule

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Dogbert the CEO Dogbert says, "Now that you've run your bank into the ground, I plan to buy it for a dollar." Dogbert says, "In phase two I'll use common business words to insult you for a job poorly done." Dogbert says, "What do you think of that, you big fiduciary bag?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags meeting, budget, cut backs, business

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Dogbert the CEO Dogbert says, "Until the company returns to profitability I will only fly coach." Dogbert says, "I'll book three coach seats in a row so I can stretch out." Dogbert says, "One of you will be a Sherpa for my bedding." Dogbert says, "I'll bring my own air marshal to punch anyone who talks while I'm napping." Dogbert says, "And a videographer so I can see the playback when I wake up."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags boss, raise, rejection, violence

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Dogbert the CEO Dogbert says, "You want a raise? I have one word for you." Dogbert says, "Goink!" Dogbert says, "I love having a new favorite word."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags walking, talking, complaining, Sports

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Dilbert says, "today I got in trouble for not doing something that I wasn't aware needed to be done." Dilbert says, "Yesterday I got in trouble for doing something that no one asked me to do, but needed to be done." Dilbert says, "Tomorrow I plan to sit in my cubicle like a frozen you-know-what and avoid all human contact." Dogbert says, "Does it rhyme with 'Bird'?"