Coffee Meetings Comic Strips - Page 50

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540 Results for Coffee Meetings

View 491 - 500 results for coffee meetings comic strips. Discover the best "Coffee Meetings" comics from Dilbert.com.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #time, #time management

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Dilbert: You asked for a breakdown of what I did this month. I wasted 25 percent of my time in useless meetings. I spent 33 percent of my time listening to co-workers complain about other co-workers. I used 11 percent to resend files I already sent. 14 percent went to dealing with a rumor you started by accident. 16 percent went toward working on the wrong things because you communicate poorly. Boss: What did you do with the 1 percent that was left? Dilbert: You just experienced it.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #cell phone, #conversation, #meeting, #business, #technology

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Why isn't anyone else here yet? Did you tell them you changed the meeting time? I asked you to tell everyone. That isn't my job. Then why didn't you tell me you weren't going to do it?!! It isn't my job to tell you what isn't my job. Now this meeting is a waste of my time. Does your job description tell you to attend meetings that are worthless? I didn't know there were other kinds.

Tricky To Be An Optimist

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Tricky To Be An Optimist - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #coffee, #conversation, #glass

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Boss: Are you done writing the soft-ware? Wally: Yes, but it has some bugs. Boss: How is that different from not being done? Wally: I see the glass as half full. Boss: Half full of bugs? Wally: Optimism is tricky.

Robotic Hair Transplant

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Robotic Hair Transplant - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #coffee, #conversation, #hair, #surgery, #medical

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Never go to a robotic hair transplant center on the same day they upgrade the software. Is that the surgery where they take hair from the back of your head and fill in the bald spot? That's how the old software worked. The new one didn't respect boundaries.

Wally's Invention Goes Into Production

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Wally's Invention Goes Into Production - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #invention, #success, #laziness, #fairness, #unfair

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Alice: The board decided to put your invention of a phone charger that warms coffee into production. Market surveys show enormous demand. You're probably going to be our Employee Of The Year. This disturbs me on many levels. Wally: Genius is often disruptive.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #work ethic, #laziness, #group project

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Boss: I'd like to thank each member of the product team for the successful launch. Dilbert wrote the software. Alice designed the hardware. And Wally... um... Wally: Attended most of the meetings. Boss: That's all you did? Wally: I also played devil's advocate. Dilbert: You didn't say a word during our meetings for seven months. Wally: That's because you were doing everything right. Boss: Did you really do nothing for seven months? Wally: This is one of those "less is more" situations.

Dogbert Gives Wally A Prescription

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Dogbert Gives Wally A Prescription - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #medicine, #excuse, #doctor, #laziness, #medical

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Wally: I keep falling asleep during meetings. Dogbert: Your problem is that you're useless. I'll give you a doctor's note that says you can sleep during meetings. Wally: You're the best doctor ever. Dogbert: Tell that to the tip jar in the lobby.

Dilbert Tries To Get Funding

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Dilbert Tries To Get Funding - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #budget, #money, #spending, #projects, #upgrades, #technology, #software, #engineering

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Man: Who are you? Dilbert: I'm an engineer on an unfunded project. I'm attending random meetings to see if I can shake loose some spare budget money. Man: We'll be talking about the mandatory software upgrade. Dilbert: Sounds like a huge waste of money.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #thundershirt, #stress, #prank, #practical joke

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Wally: You look stressed. Asok: I am. How do you drink so much coffee and stay so calm? Wally: It's easy. I wear a "Thundershirt" under my work clothes. It was designed to make dogs feel safe during thunderstorms. When I saw the commercial for it on TV, I wondered what else it could do, so I bought one. I haven't had a bad day at work since then. Narrator: One week later. Asok: Feeling good! Best day of work ever! Dilbert: Did you convince a co-worker to wear pet clothes? Wally: That's how I reduce my stress.

Wally Takes Decaf Vacations

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Wally Takes Decaf Vacations - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #vacation, #caffeine, #coffee

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Alice: I've never seen you take a vacation. Wally: I take mental vacations. All I do is switch to decaf. After a few hours, I can't remember what country I'm in. Alice: Sounds dumb. Is the any downside? Wally: The locals could be friendlier.