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View 491 - 500 results for eat paper comic strips. Discover the best "Eat Paper" comics from Dilbert.com.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 05, 2001's comic on:


Tags #key employees, #Catbert, #write in, #insane, #hr department, #interoffice envelope, #same job as enevelope, #funkey, #downsize employees

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The Boss hands a piece of paper to Carol and says, "Carol, take this list of key employees to Catbert." Carol looks at the list and says, "I don't see my name on here. Should I write it in?" The Boss responds, "Um.. no. You're not a key employee." Carol stands up and screams, "What?! Are you insane?!! If I'M not key, who is?" She continues, "Do you think this list can walk to the H.R. department on its own?" The Boss responds, "Well, I could put it in an interoffice envelope and mail it." He continues, "Basically, you have the same job as an envelope." Carol hands Catbert the list. Catbert asks, "Why do I need to downsize these employees?" To which Carol answers, "Because they're funKEY, just like it says."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 28, 2001's comic on:


Tags #human resources, #appearence, #being evil, #Catbert, #therapy, #session, #calls therapist hag, #debris, #jumps on anything, #eraser, #misspelled psycho, #business, #psychology

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Catbert is lying on a psychologist's couch. He says, "I'm a director of human resources." Catbert continues, "So naturally, I have to keep up the appearance of being evil." The psychologist asks, "But you find it difficult to do evil things?" Catbert responds, "No, I like that part of the job... Stop jumping ahead, hag." Catbert continues, "My problem is that anytime I see a tiny object fall to the floor, I jump on it and eat it." Catbert continues, "Sometimes I'm not even hungry and I know it's just a piece of debris but I can't stop myself." The psychologist says, "Oops.. I misspelled psycho." Catbert's voice is heard "No! Not eraser debris!" Catbert is heard from the floor, "#*!! @$& Quack!" The psychologist laughs and responds, "Who's a hag?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 04, 2001's comic on:


Tags #cubicle time, #isn't productive, #set priorities, #projects flounder, #big raise, #either way, #cubicle

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The Boss says to Alice, "Alice, may I have a word with you?" The Boss continues, "You're not spending enough time in your cubicle." The Boss continues, "It looks as if our department isn't productive." Alice responds, "But.. I can't do my job from my cubicle." The Boss replies, "You have to set priorities. Looking productive is very important to this department." Alice clenches her fists in anger. Alice exclaims, "Will I get a big raise for looking busy while my projects flounder?!" The Boss replies, "You won't get a big raise either way." The Boss continues, "Here's a blank piece of paper to carry back to your cubicle." Alice clenches her fists again and cries, "GAAA!!"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 30, 2001's comic on:


Tags #hand writing, #answer questions, #return calls, #i'll be away, #bad odor, #windy, #phantom, #monkeys, #duct tape

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The Boss pops into Dilbert's cubicle and hands him a piece of paper. The Boss says, "Dilbert, take care of this. It's urgent." Dilbert responds, "I can't read your handwriting. What does it say?" The Boss responds, "I don't have time to answer your questions." The Boss continues, "Don't try to call me. I don't return calls." The Boss continues, "If you come to my office I'll be away." Headline: And then, like a bad odor on a windy day, the phantom manager vanished." Dilbert gives the note to Carol. She says, "I think it says, 'Floog smort olak munta hawthnort." Dilbert asks, "What does it mean?" Carol responds, "I think it involves monkeys and duct tape."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 26, 2000's comic on:


Tags #pet project, #isn't feasible, #working numebrs, #underlying reality, #massaged the numbers, #working, #numbers, #impossiblepossible, #new numbers, #other ideas, #fiddle with numbers

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Dilbert, putting a paper on The Boss' desk, says to The Boss, "My analysis shows that your pet project isn't feasible." The Boss says to Dilbert, "Try working the numbers." Dilbert says, "That wouldn't change the underlying reality." The Boss asks, "What if we massaged the numbers?" Dilbert says, "Massaging the numbers means the same thing as working the numbers." Dilbert says to The Boss, "You can't make the impossible possible by hallucinating new numbers." Dilbert asks The Boss, "Do you have any other ideas?" The Boss says to Dilbert, "That depends on the the phrase 'fiddle with the numbers' means."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 16, 2013's comic on:


Tags #interviews, #lying, #job interview, #exaggerate credntials, #more effective, #business skill, #misleading, #convince customers, #prodcuts, #dupe some idiot, #learn tech skills, #honesty, #hr, #send offer, #liar

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Dilbert: You look good on paper, but how do I know you aren't lying about your skills? Interviewee: You should hope I am lying. Studies show that people who exaggerate their credentials tend to be more effective once hired. That's because misleading people is a valuable business skill. For example, I might need to convince our customers that our products are better than the competition. Or I might need to dupe some idiot into leaving my cubicle so I can concentrate. Anyone can learn technical skills, but lying is an art form. Dilbert: He doesn't have an honest bone in his body. Boss: Perfect. I'll tell Human Resources to send him an offer.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 20, 2013's comic on:


Tags #cruelty, #honesty, #managers & supervisors, #motivation, #insincere, #bar too high, #low motivation, #business

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Dilbert: My motivation is low today. I understand it's your job to fix that situation. An insincere attaboy or a fake interest in my life would be enough. Boss: Drop dead and let the flies eat you. Dilbert: I set the bar too high again.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 03, 2013's comic on:


Tags #fear, #surprise, #underwear, #interruption, #sphicter, #scared, #shitless

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Coworker: Alice, do you have a... Alice: Gaaa!!! My day has been one interruption after another! Coworker: You made my sphincter eat my underpants! Alice: Yeah, I do that now.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 13, 2013's comic on:


Tags #correspondence, #rodents, #dilbert seeks asylum at elbonia's embassy, #embassy, #Peanut, #squirrel, #secret message

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Dilbert seeks asylum at Elbonia's embassy Elbonian: We don't have a lot of fancy technology in our embassy. If you want to send a message to the outside world, carve it on a peanut and give it to a squirrel. Dilbert: The squirrel would eat the peanut. Elbonian: Wow! You do not trust squirrels.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 27, 2014's comic on:


Tags #efficiency experts, #stress, #consultant, #booze muhkidney, #travel work, #unhealthy food, #total failure, #sleepless nights, #power point slides, #business

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Consultant: All I do is travel, work, and eat unhealthy food. I'm a total failure at managing my own life, and yet people hire me for business advice. I haven't slept since October. Dilbert: I was told there would be PowerPoint slides. Consultant from Booze Muhkidney