Everyone Can Come Comic Strips - Page 50

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565 Results for Everyone Can Come

View 491 - 500 results for everyone can come comic strips. Discover the best "Everyone Can Come" comics from Dilbert.com.

Ranked By Performance

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Ranked By Performance - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 05, 2016's comic on:


Tags #rank, #success, #failure, #laziness, #reward, #work ethic, #trying, #effort

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Boss: I ranked all of you based on your performance. Wally came out on top because he didn't make any mistakes. Dilbert: He also didn't do any work. Wally: Why does everyone hate winners?

Problem With The System

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Problem With The System - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 08, 2016's comic on:


Tags #fired, #bottom, #firing, #termination, #layoff, #hierarchy, #logic, #illogical, #executives

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Boss: Company policy says I have to fire the bottom ten percent of performers, so... you're fired. Dilbert: I thought I was near the top. Boss: That was before I fired everyone below you. Dilbert: Can you see any problem with your system? Boss: Yes, it's exhausting.

Asok Approves

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Asok Approves - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 04, 2016's comic on:


Tags #desperate, #desperation, #intern, #subordinate, #value, #importance

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Asok: I hear you need everyone's buy-in to proceed with your project. Dilbert: Everyone except you. No one cares what interns think. Asok: May I please approve it so I feel alive? Dilbert: Well... okay. But you owe me one.

Talking About The Last Job

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Talking About The Last Job - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 10, 2016's comic on:


Tags #personality, #comparing, #employees, #dumb, #business, #psychology

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Man: I will now compare my last job to this one because it is all I ever talk about. Everyone was so much smarter at my old job. Fuh-fuh-fuh-fuh. Dilbert: I assume that's why they fired you. Man: Lucky guess.

Wally Comes In Early

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Wally Comes In Early - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 18, 2016's comic on:


Tags #schedule, #hours, #work, #trick, #deception, #leaving early

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Wally: Can I come in an hour early tomorrow and leave early? Boss: Yeah, okay. Wally: How about five hours early? Boss: Um... sure. Wally: Let's say eight hours early and you won't even see me.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 11, 2016's comic on:


Tags #health, #morning, #waking up, #sleepless, #complaining, #manager, #sociopath, #emotions

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Boss: Can you take a call with our Elbonian customers at 6 a.m. tomorrow? Dilbert: Sure. All I need to do is put my health at risk by not getting enough sleep tonight. Of course, I'll hate your guts for making me come to work so early. And I would expect my bad attitude to infect my co-workers and make them less productive, too. My lack of sleep will affect my decision-making, obviously. And I"m working on important projects, so the ripple effect could be catastrophic. So, do you still want me to be here at 6 a.m. tomorrow? Boss: Yes. You don't have to be a sociopath to be a manager, but it helps.

Airport Security

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Airport Security - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 25, 2016's comic on:


Tags #embarrassment, #viral video

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Dilbert: My business trip didn't go well. I took off my belt for airport security and my pants fell off. Someone took a video and everyone is sharing it. Wally: This is literally the first time I wish I had friends.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 01, 2017's comic on:


Tags #happiness, #work, #torture, #human resources, #hr, #manipulation, #content, #psychology, #business

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Catbert: The one called Dilbert is showing signs of happiness at work. Boss: That means we can give him more work and he won't quit. Excellent. Is anyone else exhibiting signs of unauthorized happiness? Catbert: No. Everyone else is in the narrow band of misery you want them to be in. If they were any happier, it would mean you're overpaying them. If they were any less happy, the would take their own lives. If you don't hear any laughing or screaming, it means you're doing something right. Boss: What about moans? Catbert: Moans are ideal. That's the sweet spot.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 08, 2017's comic on:


Tags #human, #human nature, #arguing, #argument, #social media, #logic, #critic, #troll, #technology

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Dilbert: If we move this button to here, people are more likely to see it. Man: Ha ha! OMG. LOL. So you think every person in the universe is blind? I can't wait to tell everyone that Dilbert thinks people have no eyes. The pure craziness of what you are saying is mid-boggling. Do you have any scientific proof that moving that button would not cause a nuclear holocaust? Dilbert: Everything you just said is dumb and unproductive, and I hate every molecule in your useless body. What's wrong with people? Dogbert: I keep tell you, it's everything.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 29, 2017's comic on:


Tags #cell phone, #conversation, #meeting, #business, #technology

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Why isn't anyone else here yet? Did you tell them you changed the meeting time? I asked you to tell everyone. That isn't my job. Then why didn't you tell me you weren't going to do it?!! It isn't my job to tell you what isn't my job. Now this meeting is a waste of my time. Does your job description tell you to attend meetings that are worthless? I didn't know there were other kinds.