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Dilbert: You never answered my IM. Alice: You should have emailed me. Dilbert: I did. You didn't answer my email. Alice: If it was so important, you should have texted me. Dilbert: You didn't answer my texts. Alice; You have to text my personal phone. Dilbert: You didn't answer those texts either. Alice: Had it been important, you would have called me. Dilbert: I did. You didn't answer your phone and you don't return calls. So here I am. Alice: It's premature to get your hopes up.
Boss: Did you see my email about the eight things that successful people do? Dilbert: Yes. I did all eight things and now I'm a huge success. Boss: No you're not. Dilbert: I'm not? How's that possible? I did all of the things that successful people do. This only makes sense if the inspirational links you send me every day are a complete waste of time! So which one is it? Am I a huge success or do you email me worthless things? Boss: Maybe we should just change the subject. Dilbert: Is that what successful people do?
Boss: So... how's your job going? Dilbert: It's like being buried alive in a burlap bag full of starving rats. Boss: And I'm back to not caring. Dilbert: How long will it take you to fix everything?
Boss: Your project is behind schedule. Is there any to finish sooner? Alice: Well, in the long run, we all die, so you could die right now and get to your endpoint faster. Boss: You went dark fast. Alice: I had that one in the hopper.
Dilbert: Happy, happy, happy. Dilbert: I'm enjoying a bubble of optimism because I'm feeling rested and no one has been awful to me all day! Wally: How long does it usually last? Dilbert: I don't know. It's never happened before!
Dilbert: Research says that asking for advice doubles your odds of career advancement. Do you think I should get a pet kangaroo? Boss: I don't care if you marry one. Dilbert: I wonder how long the time lag is until my promotion.
Coworker: Three months. That's how long I have been waiting for you to do your part of the project. Wally: Perhaps you don't realize how many projects I'm on. Coworker: Have you done any work for the other projects? Wally: That would defeat the point of having multiple projects.
Alice: I feel so rested and relaxed after my vacation. I wonder how long this afterglow will last because... excuse me while I check this text message. Dilbert: Is it too late to start timing it? [Alice is on fire]
Wally: Can I create my own job? I hear people do that. They figure out what they are good at and then they create a job around it. I'm more of a strategic thinker than a worker bee. My job could be to attend meetings and say strategic things. And, of course, I would have no time to respond to email because I'd be busy being strategic. Boss: It feels as if you want a job that doesn't involve work. Wally: Would you trust a strategic thinker who can't solve his own problems?