New Employee Comic Strips - Page 50

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View 491 - 500 results for new employee comic strips. Discover the best "New Employee" comics from Dilbert.com.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags new vp of finance, secret offshore bank, forgot account number, password, name of country, not so good

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Wally is the new VP of Finance A troll says, "I moved all of our cash to a secret offshore bank." The troll says, "But I forgot to write down the account number. Or the password. Or the name of the country." The troll says, "And... I'm not entirely sure it was a bank." Wally thinks, "First day, not so good."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags need plan, plant plan, employee of the month, cop, wanted list, net, crazy person

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A man says, "We need a plan for making our plan." The man says, "Then we need to plan the plan's planny plan." A police officer says, "Have you seen this man?" The Boss says, "Sigh. There goes another employee of the month."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags spam filter, rewrote business plan, build an army, indestructible robots, new org chart, microwave

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Carol says, "Our spam filter became self-aware. It rewrote our business plan." Carol says, "It wants us to build an army of indestructible robots." Carol says, "And the new org chart is out. It looks like you report to... the microwave."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags appreciation, lunch, employee appreciation lunch, $35 a piece, one isn't paying, figured out

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The boss: Okay, the bill for the employee appreciation lunch comes out to $35 apiece. Alice: That only adds up if one of us isn't paying. The boss: The employees figured out why I appreciate taking them to lunch.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags elderly, old, phone, landline phones, no caller id, new technology, offered hard candy, fiddlesticks, couldn't hear

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We surveyed a thousand people who still have landline phones and no caller I.D. We asked for their opinion on our new technology. 34% said, "Fiddlesticks," and 23% couldn't hear the question. 43% thought we were in the room with them and offered us a hard candy.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags computer, financial, trouble, new computer, executive suite, no visitors, vacant offcies, financial troubles, old computer, vacant office, technology

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The boss: We need your new computer for the empty office in the executive suite. We don't want any visitors to see vacant offices. They might think we're having financial troubles. Dilbert: Why don't we put my old computer in the vacant office? My boss: That's crazy talk.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags complain, garbage, job, trash, new assignment, troll in charge, legacy systems, shouldn't complain, economy, free bag of garbage, business

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Dilbert: My new assignment is "troll in charge of the legacy systems." I guess I shouldn't complain. I'm lucky to have a job in this economy. Garbageman: Would a free bag of garbage make you feel better? Dilbert: A little.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags new account manager, boring job, problem solver, introduce, shake hands, first day, toys

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The Boss says, "Dilbert, meet our new account manager." Dilbert says, "Hi." The Boss says, "His job is solving a hodgepodge of problems that would bore a normal person to death." The Boss says, "We think his parents didn't let him have toys." Dilbert says, "The first day is the easiest."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags leg, rope, attached, crony, ceo, job, new boss, qualified, monkey, hammer, hold, suspicious, business, animals

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CEO says, "This rope is attached to a crony from my last CEO job." CEO says, "Give it a good yank and reel him in. He's your new boss." The Boss says, "Is he qualified for the job?" CEO says, "Like a monkey with a hammer!"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags new vice president of engineering, meeting, introduce, full body, face front, pointy hair, lack of experience, exotic, over selling, mustache, business

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The Boss says, "Meet our new vice president of engineering." The Boss says, "We're lucky to have him despite his utter lack of experience in our industry." The Boss says, "Some might call him unqualified, but I call him exotic." Vice President says, "You're over-selling."