Stop Watch Comic Strips - Page 50
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612 Results for Stop Watch
View 491 - 500 results for stop watch comic strips. Discover the best "Stop Watch" comics from Dilbert.com.
Sunday October 18,
2015
Tags pessimism, people, experience, psychic, esp, sixth sense, learning, misanthrope
Transcript
Coworker: I'll give you the data tomorrow, Asok. Asok: Thanks, Brad! Urk! Suddenly, I know I will not get that data tomorrow. Dilbert: Why are you so freaked out? Asok: I... I... think I can see the future now. Somehow I know that Brad will not do what he says he will do. Dilbert: That's called "experience." It's the first step toward hating all people. Asok: How can I make it stop? Dilbert: I hear good things about death.
Saturday October 03,
2015
Tags idea, brainstorm, bald, baldness, hat, steal, patent, invention
Transcript
CEO: I thought of a product idea that could solve the baldness epidemic. Imagine an opaque material in the shape of a dome that puts the top of one's head in stealth mode. Dilbert: We could call it a "hat." CEO: Stop trying to steal my idea!
Monday October 26,
2015
Employees Keep Agreeing
Tags furniture, office, arrangement, laziness, loophole, efficiency, management, work ethic, excuse
Transcript
Boss: I told the employees about our plan to boost productivity by changing the floor layout. Now they claim they can't get their work done because the current floor plan is inefficient. Hoe do I get them to stop agreeing with me? CEO: What do you usually do?
Sunday November 22,
2015
Tags modernity, reality, thinking, frustration, panic, existentialism, existence, meaning of life
Transcript
Dilbert: Looks like another day of flailing toward arbitrary goals. I will battle my way through a sea of idiots, much like the zombie apocalypse. My ego will be tested and my nervous system will be degraded. And all of this is to earn money so I can... buy items that scientists and product designers have brainwashed me to crave. But I get back at them by writing software they think they can't live without. My life is like two piles of meat trying to play ping pong. Alice: Stop mumbling and take care of this. Dilbert: You take care of it.
Friday November 20,
2015
Godwin's Law Is One Jerk
Tags troll, internet, comment, jerk, hitler, wwii, nazi, holocause, joke, social media, etiquette, netiquette, technology
Transcript
Dick: People think there are millions of jerks on the Internet, but really it's just me. On a typical night I might make over seven thousand Hitler analogies. Dilbert: Maybe you should stop. Dick: That's what Poland said.
Tuesday December 15,
2015
I Would Never Ask You To Lie
Tags sales personnel, lying, sales, ethics, business
Transcript
Boss: Stop being honest when you go on sales calls. Dilbert: You want me to lie? Boss: I would never ask you to lie. I'm asking you to nod your head and smile while our salesperson lies.
Monday January 04,
2016
Boss Offers To Help
Tags deadline, help, manager, incompetent, obliviousness, extension
Transcript
Dilbert: I can't get everything done by the deadline. Boss: I'll stop by later to help. Dilbert: That's funny. Boss: What's funny? Dilbert: Using incompetence as a substitute for time.
Tuesday January 19,
2016
Ted's Unicorn Startup
Wednesday January 27,
2016
Asok Is Not A Terrorist
Tags muslim, islam, terrorist, terrorism, assume, assumption, appearances, racism, racist, bigot
Transcript
Boss: Are you a terrorist? Asok: Why does everyone keep asking me that? Boss: You look like one. Asok: Well, I'm not, you racist. Boss: Is it more of a sympathizer situation? Asok: Stop radicalizing me!
Thursday January 28,
2016
Carol And The Terrorist
Tags terrorist, terrorism, racist, race, muslim, assume, assumption, accuse, accusation
Transcript
Carol: I hear you're a terrorist sympathizer. Asok: What? No! I'm not even close. I don't want to hate you! Please stop radicalizing me! Carol: Sweating, agitated, he looks suspicious to me. Asok: Who are you talking to???!