Useful Things Comic Strips - Page 50

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

506 Results for Useful Things

View 491 - 500 results for useful things comic strips. Discover the best "Useful Things" comics from Dilbert.com.

Dilbert Tells The Odds

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Dilbert Tells The Odds - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business, #decision, #estimate, #managers & supervisors, #miscommunication, #odds, #technology, #wrong

View Transcript

Transcript

dilbert: i estimate odds at a 70% chance things go well, and a 30% chance we lose money on the deal. boss: if we lose money, will you admit you were wrong? dilbert: how could i be wrong? i'm just telling you the odds. boss: if we lose money, that's on you for recommending it. dilbert: um...no. i'm telling you the odds and letting you decide. boss: but you're the one saying this is such a great deal. dilbert upsetting and yelling forcing face mask off his face: i'm only telling you the odds, you pea-brained ignoramus!!! boss: so, you won't admit you were wrong? dilbert's face mask is over his eyes.

No Raise In Years

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
No Raise In Years   - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business, #managers & supervisors, #job, #raise, #nine, #years, #face mask, #employment

View Transcript

Transcript

office worker: i've been working here for nine years, and you haven't given me a single raise! boss: i didn't even know you worked for me. obviously, you didn't do anything useful, or i would have noticed. office worker: well, in that case, i'm glad i didn't give my name.

Boss Using Phone

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Boss Using Phone   - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #cell phone, #distraction, #managers & supervisors, #sarcasm, #technology, #business, #disrespect, #hear, #face mask

View Transcript

Transcript

dilbert: are you listening to me? it looks as if you are using your phone. boss: i can do two things at once. dilbert: i'll bet you can't even hear me, you ridiculous moron. boss: uh-huh uh-huh go on. dilbert: you smell like old socks, and your brain is made of cheese.

Boss Doesn't Understand

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
  Boss Doesn't Understand - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business, #managers & supervisors, #technology, #server, #migration, #difficult, #understand, #question, #face maks

View Transcript

Transcript

boss: can you finish the server migration by monday? dilbert: no way. boss: how hard can it be? dilbert: you only say that about things you don't understand. boss: i ask that question every day. dilberty: yup.

Ted Needed To Know

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
  Ted Needed To Know - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #office workers, #technology, #business, #email, #forward, #malice, #slander, #private, #know, #face maks

View Transcript

Transcript

alice: i forwarded your email to ted. Dilbert shaken: WHAT!!! i said bad things about ted! that was a private email to you! alice: he needed to know. dilbert yelling: he did not need to know!

When To Reply To Boss Text

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
When To Reply To Boss Text  - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #boss, #business, #communication, #performance, #response, #review, #sarcasm, #spreadsheet, #technology, #text

View Transcript

Transcript

wally: how long should i wait before responding to a text message from my boss? dilbert: that depends. are you already overworked? wally: um, sure. dilbert: do you need to teach him a lesson for any unrelated things he did? wally: always. dilbert: do you dislike him in general? wally: yes. dilbert: lastly, how many months until your next performance review? wally: seven. dilbert: okay....putting those inputs into my spreadsheet. you can wait 27 minutes before responding. wally: oh. i was hoping it would be closer to five days. dilbert: when did he text you? wally: i believe it was august.

Satellite Launch

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Satellite Launch - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #satellite, #launch, #radar, #alien, #spaceship, #systems, #technology, #reality, #suggestion, #rocket, #trajectory, #bird, #belgium

View Transcript

Transcript

dilbert in control room with others: we've triple-checked all systems, and we are ready to launch the satellite. nothing can go wrong. initiating launch. boss: nothing can go wrong? what if an alien spaceship appears over the launch site? dilbert: gaaa!!! don't jinx us. boss: that's not how reality works. i can't make things happen just by suggesting them. dilbert: you're wrong! that is exactly how reality works! wa;;y: something just appeared on radar directly above the rockets trajectory. boss: maybe it's a bird. wally: it's the size of belgium.

Elbonian Words

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Elbonian Words - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business, #technology, #elbonian, #headquarters, #language, #factory, #Word

View Transcript

Transcript

boss: headquarters has released a new list of things you are not supposed to say when visiting our elbonian factory. at the top of the list, never say "glfalawah" to an elbonian. alice: because it means something naughty? boss: because it isn't a word.

Scheduling A Call

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Scheduling A Call - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business, #managers & supervisors, #technology, #video conference call, #schedule, #call, #zoom, #facetime, #signal, #whatsapp, #voice call, #clock

View Transcript

Transcript

boss and dilbert communicating on video conference call. dilbert: let's schedule a follow-up call. do you prefer zoom, FaceTime, signal, WhatsApp, or voice call? boss: zoom dilbert: how about next tuesday at 10 a.m. my time, which is 1 p.m. your time? boss: i'll be on the road then, so you 10 a.m. will be my noon. but that's after the time change. boss: and i can't remember if i'm going to a place that change their clocks. dilbert: why don't we skip the whole thing because the call we are scheduling probably won't be any more useful than this one. boss: let us never speak of this again.

Cock Fights

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Cock Fights - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business, #business ethics, #audit, #disturbing, #results, #sales, #department, #cockfight, #invitation, #rooster

View Transcript

Transcript

dogbert: my audit of your company has uncovered many disturbing things. for example, did you know that the sales department holds cockfights on the third floor every tuesday? boss: why have i never been invited? dogbert: you're not a rooster.