Search Results for "evil director of human resources"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 02, 2010's comic on:


Tags #meeting, #presentation, #slide show, #names, #trademarked, #hand motion, #crotch area, #wide eyes, #shocked, #gross, #point, #war criminals, #nicknames, #partnerless loving, #business

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Dilbert says, "This next slide shows all of the possible names for our product that are not already trademarked." The Boss says, "Are there any that don't remind people of this general area of the human body?" Dilbert says, "That narrows it down to the names of accused war criminals, and the funnier nicknames for partnerless loving."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 19, 2010's comic on:


Tags #dog, #warranty plan, #design, #hell, #hot, #tongs, #wide eyes, #evil, #insurance, #animals

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The Boss says, "I hired a confusopoly consultant to help us design an extended warranty plan." Dogbert says, "Our goal is to scare people into buying insurance that doesn't cover anything." Dogbert says, "I can't tell you where the contract was designed, but be careful because it's still hot."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 24, 2010's comic on:


Tags #Advice, #death ray, #invention, #evil, #coffee maker, #disservice, #success, #garbage man

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Dilbert says, "My company wants to turn my invention into a death ray. How can I stop them from succeeding?" Garbage man says, "There is one natural force that can stop any form of success. It goes by the name?" Dilbert says, "Wally?" Wally says, "How may I be of disservice?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 03, 2010's comic on:


Tags #company lawyer, #recall, #poisonous spines, #shake hands, #quality assurance, #arms out

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Company Lawyer Lawyer says, "We should consider doing a recall on our product." Lawyer says, "When it warms up, it explodes and hurls poisonous spines in every direction." The Boss says, "Where's the director of quality assurance?" Lawyer says, "Pinned to the test lab ceiling."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 04, 2010's comic on:


Tags #computer monitors, #two, #king, #queen, #evil grin, #cubicle

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Dilbert says, "In the land of cubicles, the man with two monitors is king." Dilbert says, "I pity my uni-monitored subjects, but I cannot respect them." Meanwhile, in another corner of the kingdom? Alice says, "The king is dead. Long live the queen."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 16, 2010's comic on:


Tags #meetings, #question, #nonsense, #optimize, #value stream, #surprise, #talk, #listening

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Wally says, "Are you leveraging our resources to optimize the client value stream?" Asok says, "What?" Wally says, "I'm just messing with you? Nothing I say in meetings actually means anything." Asok says, "Then why do you talk?" Wally says, "I tried listening once. It was awful."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 02, 2010's comic on:


Tags #meeting, #old coworker, #whisper, #secret, #knowledge, #die, #evil smile, #grin, #business

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Boss says, "Old Johannsen has kept his job all of these years because no one else has his critical knowledge." Johannsen says, "Pss pss pss pss psss"B<R>The Boss says, "There's the worst-case scenario right there."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 19, 2009's comic on:


Tags #business, #stealing, #excuse

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Dilbert says, "It's slow at work so I created my own internet business called Dilbertfiles.com woman says, "So you're stealing company resources?" Dilbert says, "I call myself a CEO." woman says, "I think I saw someone who isn't a miscreant."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 21, 2009's comic on:


Tags #business, #revenue, #firing, #prediction

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Dilbert says, "my side business Dilbertfiles.com, is getting lots of attention." Dilbert says, "I have a feeling I will soon be leaving my cubicle behind." Dogbert says, "Yep." Catbert says, "All in favor of firing this idiot for using company resources..."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 28, 2009's comic on:


Tags #worker, #deception, #lying

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The boss says, "Dilbert, meet our new director of marketecture." The boss says, "He's in charge of preventing customers from realizing what they're buying." the boss says, "It's legal because we're only violating the intent of the law." man says, "I can do a thousand push-ups when no one is looking."