Same Questions Comic Strips - Page 51
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589 Results for Same Questions
View 501 - 510 results for same questions comic strips. Discover the best "Same Questions" comics from Dilbert.com.
Thursday June 02,
2016
Boss Can't Decide Who To Vote For
Tags #election, #voting, #choice, #choosing, #decision, #indecision, #judgement
Transcript
Boss: I can't decide who to vote for in this election. Alice: Make your voting decision the same way you make your work decisions. Boss: Common sense and gut instinct? Alice: We just call it "wrong."
Thursday August 25,
2016
Dogbert Discovers Dogbertium
Tags #science, #discovery, #trick, #deception
Transcript
Dogbert: My particle accelerator has discovered a new fundamental particle that I call "Dogbertium." It's properties are awesomeness and mystery. One of the mysteries is that it only exists when people don't ask too many questions.
Sunday October 23,
2016
Tags #email, #communication, #response, #confusion, #honesty, #overshare
Transcript
Man: Did you see my email? Dilbert; Did you mean your two-page document that has about twelve questions for me sprinkled throughout? Man: Yes, that's the one. Why haven't you responded? Dilbert: It's hard to answer that question while being polite. Man: You can be honest. Dilbert: Your email was such a disorganized mess that I assumed everything you do is doomed to fail. I didn't want to waste half a day deciphering it just so I could be on the losing side. With you. Man: Next time, just say you were busy. Dilbert: And I was busy.
Thursday October 20,
2016
Different Time Estimates
Tags #quote, #estimate, #time, #deadline, #length, #pessimism
Transcript
Boss: I'm getting wildly different estimates for how long it will take to write the software. Dilbert: Based on my experience, I say take the longest estimate and multiply it by three. Boss: Is experience exactly the same as pessimism? Dilbert: Experience is much worse.
Saturday December 03,
2016
Acting Interested In Dilbert
Tags #managers, #relationships, #human, #humanity, #productivity, #motivation
Transcript
Boss: I'm supposed to act interested in your well-being to boost your job performance. Dilbert: No thanks. Boss: So... how's your wife, or girlfriend, or same-sex partner, or loneliness? Dilbert: Fine. Boss: Okay, I think that covers it. Dilbert: Look! My productivity is soaring!
Sunday December 25,
2016
Tags #jargon, #speech, #words, #nonsense, #training, #trainee, #strategy, #laziness
Transcript
Boss: Wally, I want you to train our new hire. Wally: The first thing you need to know is that we never use the DPX system when the MGB is down. Man: The... what and the what? Wally: Hold your questions till the end. You can use our PX4 to tunnel into the B9 data and produce at TMNP report. But you'll need authorization from the LDG and the MICOO. Man: I don't understand any of that! Wally: I toldy you to hold your questions until the end. Always remember to jost the primpram whenever the gip is fleeming toward kilp. Man: Maybe I should ask someone else to train me. Wally: Now we're making progress.
Wednesday January 04,
2017
Ruining Dilbert's Flow
Tags #stress, #deadline, #work load, #multitask, #compensation, #money
Transcript
Boss: I'm giving you another software project to work on at the same time as your main project. Dilbert: That will ruin my flow. It will take too long to reset my brain when I switch between projects. Boss: Have you tried working longer hours without extra pay? Dilbert: Yes I have!
Thursday January 19,
2017
Wally's Red File Gets Him Out Of Work
Tags #laziness, #ruse, #work ethic, #deception, #excuse
Transcript
Wally: I'd love to help you, but I'm busy working on the red file. Woman: Is the red file a real thing or just a thing you say to get out of work? Wally: It's all the same on your end.
Monday January 30,
2017
Robotic Hair Transplant
Tags #coffee, #conversation, #hair, #surgery, #medical
Transcript
Never go to a robotic hair transplant center on the same day they upgrade the software. Is that the surgery where they take hair from the back of your head and fill in the bald spot? That's how the old software worked. The new one didn't respect boundaries.
Friday March 10,
2017
Dogbert's Corporate Politeness Seminar
Tags #politeness, #conversation, #etiquette, #efficiency, #illogical
Transcript
Dogbert: Welcome to Dogbert's Corporate Politeness Seminar. Today you will learn how to sacrifice your productivity and your happiness for the sake of ancient traditions grounded in total nonsense.Voice: Why would we want to do that? Dogbert: Please hold your impolite questions until never.