Told Everyone Comic Strips - Page 51

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510 Results for Told Everyone

View 501 - 510 results for told everyone comic strips. Discover the best "Told Everyone" comics from Dilbert.com.

Dogbert Crisis Consultant

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Dogbert Crisis Consultant - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags business, managers & supervisors, subordinates, allegations, crisis, consultant, statement, lying, dumb, believe, public, legal, defense

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dogbert: my job as a crisis consultant is to help you respond to the allegations from seventy-three of your past and present subordinates. i'll issue a statement from you saying everyone of them is lying. ceo: who would be dumb enough to believe that? dogbert: i call them "the public."

Million Dollar Bonuses

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Million Dollar Bonuses - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags business, technology, deadline, project, million-dollar, recommendation, lying, clock, weeks, spirit, bonus, mad, finished, no, laptop, coffee

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boss: if you finish by the deadline, i'll recommend you for a million dollar bonus. dilbert: you're lying. boss: i'm serious. dilbert: but you're also lying. boss: only one way to find out. dilbert: i'd need to work around the clock for weeks to meet the deadline. boss: that's the spirit! dilbert: if you're lying about the bonus, i'm going to be boiling mad. five weeks later. dilbert: it nearly killed me, but i finished by the deadline. where's my million dollar bonus. boss: i told you i'd recommend it. they said no.

Anonymous Sources

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Anonymous Sources - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags business, sarcasm, technology, company, anonymous, credibility, trust, lie, thief, sources

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boss: anonymous sources tell me you have been stealing from the company. dilbert: anonymous sources have no credibility. boss: that's exactly what they told me you'd say. dilbert: why do you trust them over me? boss: well, for one thing, i hear you're a thief. dilbert: you heard that from the anonymous sources that have no credibility! boss: why would they lie to me? dilbert: same reason you lie to me. boss: okay, that makes sense.

Elbonian Sweat Shops

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Elbonian Sweat Shops - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags business, business ethics, ignorance, blowback, press release, condemn, elbonia, sweatshop, issue, products, defense

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boss: we're getting major blowback on social media for your press release condemning elbonian sweatshop labor. ceo: it's an important issue. boss: it's also how we make all of our products. ceo: in my defense, someone should have told me that.

Ted Is Great But Not Enough

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Ted Is Great But Not Enough  - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags business, comparison, managers & supervisors, performance, employment, exceptional, fired, universe, sense, complain, reverse psychology

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boss: ted, your performance this year has been exceptional. but everyone else was even better, so...you're fired. ted: in what universe does that even make sense? boss: you also complain too much.

Tina Misremembers

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Tina Misremembers - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags business, meeting, cancel, communication, remember, text, message, confirm, trigger, cognitive dissonance, absurd, frogs, hooves, wrong, liar

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Tina: why didn't you tell me you canceled the meeting?!! dilbert: i did. Tina: you absolutely did not. i would certainly remember if you did. dilbert: here are the text messages when i told you i canceled the meeting and you conformed. Alice in a daze. Dilbert: uh-oh. i seemed to have triggered cognitive dissonance. whatever you say next is likely to be an absurdity that allows you to be right when you are wrong. Tina: i told you frogs don't have hooves, but you insisted they did! admit you were wrong! i win you liar! dilbert thinking: this show never gets old.

New Loyal Customers

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New Loyal Customers - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags business, meeting, ceo, woke, advertising, dollars, loss, quarter, offend, straight face, botox, annoying

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ceo: our strategy of being annoyingly woke in our ads caused us to have an eight billion dollar loss this quarter. but it was worth it because sometimes you have to offend some of your customers to make the others loyal. dilbert: how did you say that with a straight face? ceo: no one told you about botox?

Everyone Says

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Boss Hates Everyone

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Everyone Is Awful

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