Being Useless Comic Strips - Page 51

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590 Results for Being Useless

View 501 - 510 results for being useless comic strips. Discover the best "Being Useless" comics from Dilbert.com.

Wally's Email Makes No Sense

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Wally's Email Makes No Sense - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 30, 2016's comic on:


Tags #bot, #deception, #laziness, #work ethic, #obliviousness

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Boss: Wally's emails make no sense. Dilbert: He replaced himself with a chatbot. He designed the chatbot to be useless so you'd think it was him. Boss: And he thought this would fool me? Dilbert: He's been gone for four months.

Wally's Useless Nonsense

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Wally's Useless Nonsense - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 01, 2016's comic on:


Tags #laziness, #work ethic, #strategy

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Catbert: There's a rumor that you use a chatbot to reply to email with useless nonsense. Wally: You can't prove that because I've always answered my email with useless nonsense. Catbert: That was disturbingly well-played. Wally: It's all about creating the base case.

Asok Is An Introvert

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Asok Is An Introvert - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 23, 2016's comic on:


Tags #introversion, #introvert, #loneliness, #social situation

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Dilbert: Do you have plans for the weekend? Asok: No, I"m an introvert. I'll probably experience despair and loneliness while being jealous of people who have substance abuse problems. Dilbert: Yeah, me too. Asok: This conversation is dragging on too long.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 31, 2016's comic on:


Tags #time, #time management

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Dilbert: You asked for a breakdown of what I did this month. I wasted 25 percent of my time in useless meetings. I spent 33 percent of my time listening to co-workers complain about other co-workers. I used 11 percent to resend files I already sent. 14 percent went to dealing with a rumor you started by accident. 16 percent went toward working on the wrong things because you communicate poorly. Boss: What did you do with the 1 percent that was left? Dilbert: You just experienced it.

Expectations

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Expectations - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 09, 2016's comic on:


Tags #expectations, #misanthrope, #happiness, #contentment, #psychology

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Asok: Why is Alice always so angry? Wally: It's a function of her unrealistic expectations. I'm never disappointed because I expect people to be ignorant, self-absorbed, and useless. Asok: Present company excluded? Wally: And there it is.

Wally Self Identifies As A Woman

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Wally Self Identifies As A Woman - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 23, 2016's comic on:


Tags #trans, #transgender, #gimmick

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Catbert: I heard that you self-identify as a woman. Wally: No, I don't. Catbert: Well, I need you to do that so the company can be supportive and win some awards for being a great place to work. Dilbert: Because why? Wally: I got my own bathroom.

Weak Sales Reorg

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Weak Sales Reorg - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 07, 2016's comic on:


Tags #executives, #money, #golden parachute, #greed, #logic, #sales, #business

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Boss: Our executive team didn't know what to do about weak sales. SO they reorganized the company and gave themselves new titles and big raises. They still don't know what to do about weak sales, but they report being happier about the situation.

Meet At My Office

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Meet At My Office - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 28, 2016's comic on:


Tags #meeting, #schedule, #time, #wasting time, #selfish, #business

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Computer: Let's meet at my office on Friday. Dilbert: Sure. Or... you could waste your day traveling to my office instead. Computer: You're being a jerk. Dilbert: You started it.

Tina Isn't An Engineer

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Tina Isn't An Engineer - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 06, 2016's comic on:


Tags #engineer, #evaluation, #value, #catch-22, #fired, #termination, #engineering

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Boss: The company makes me rank all of my employees. I put you last because you're not an engineer. I have to fire whoever is ranked lowest, and I can't afford to lose any engineers. Tina; What if I work harder, and do a great job? Boss: Then I'd fire you for not being a team player.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 23, 2016's comic on:


Tags #email, #communication, #response, #confusion, #honesty, #overshare

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Man: Did you see my email? Dilbert; Did you mean your two-page document that has about twelve questions for me sprinkled throughout? Man: Yes, that's the one. Why haven't you responded? Dilbert: It's hard to answer that question while being polite. Man: You can be honest. Dilbert: Your email was such a disorganized mess that I assumed everything you do is doomed to fail. I didn't want to waste half a day deciphering it just so I could be on the losing side. With you. Man: Next time, just say you were busy. Dilbert: And I was busy.