Office Equipment Comic Strips - Page 51
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1000 Results for Office Equipment
View 501 - 510 results for office equipment comic strips. Discover the best "Office Equipment" comics from Dilbert.com.
Friday June 01,
2012
Tags Astrology, furniture, magic, feng shui, black magic, voodoo, psychic, overbooked, office design, occult
Transcript
Dilbert: The feng shui consultant you asked for is overbooked. But I found a guy who is heavily into astrology, black magic, and voodoo. Boss: Are you trying to tell me something? Dilbert: Ask him. He's also a psychic.
Sunday June 03,
2012
Tags laziness, office workers, encouragement, career plans, misjudge, 5 year plan, legacy sytems, retirement, projects, protect heart, plenty of naps, quality of work, pension fund, new career plan
Transcript
Catbert: Wally, you can't float through life with no goals and no ambition. Wally: You misjudge me. I have my entire career planned out. My five-year plan is to avoid any sort of work in which my individual accomplishments can be measured. I'll hoard knowledge about one of our legacy systems so I seem indispensable. When I get to within four years of retirement, I'll only work on projects that have a five-year payback. I'll protect my cardiovascular system by getting plenty of naps and not caring about the quality of my work. Then I'll stick a straw in our pension fund and suck on it for the next forty years. Boss: Did you get him straightened out? Catbert: No, but I got a new career plan for myself.
Tuesday June 12,
2012
Tags happiness, office workers, uncomfortable, enjoy working, my job, suffer, boss, unhappy, psychology
Transcript
Boss: It make me uncomfortable when they appear to enjoy working. It feels like I'm not doing my job. Suffer! Same planet, different reality.
Monday June 25,
2012
Tags jerk, office workers, unreliable, experinced, hound, management
Transcript
Coworker: I'll get that information to you by Tuesday. Dilbert: You seem reliable. I'll schedule some time on Wednesday to hound you, and more time on Friday to escalate to your boss. Coworker: Are you trying to be a jerk? Dilbert: I'm experienced. It looks exactly the same.
Sunday July 01,
2012
Tags extensive plastic surgery, face, gadgets, information services, office equipment, swine, to log on
Transcript
Mordac: I am Mordac, the preventer of information services. Dilbert: I know. We've worked together for years. Mordac: And it still sounds awesome when I say it. Anyway, I up-graded our network security to include facial recognition. Your temporary password is this face. You'll need extensive plastic surgery to log on the first time. Dilbert: You've gone too far, Mordac! I will escalate this! Boss: I wish we'd had this conversation a week ago.
Friday July 06,
2012
Tags boss, conference room, meetings, office dynamics, stimulate innovation, table
Transcript
Boss: What we need is an overarching strategy to stimulate our innovation. Dilbert: Or you could stop smothering the innovation we already have. Boss: That's the dumbest idea I've heard in my entire life. Dilbert: And there it is.
Tuesday July 17,
2012
Tags homes value, make money, schedules, office
Transcript
Carol: You only do the things I put on your schedule. And if we consider recent declines in your home's value, I make more money than you do. Boss: What's your point? Carol: It's as if you work for me now.
Thursday July 19,
2012
Tags meetings, discuss project, civility is dead, invited to meeting, office
Transcript
Coworker: What's a good time to get together and discuss my project? Dilbert: Never. Every interaction I've had with you has been a waste of time. I have no reason to think it will be different in the future. Coworker: Sheesh! How did civility die? Dilbert: Maybe you invited it to a meeting.
Monday July 23,
2012
Tags secretaries (office), increase work productivity, yammering, salted earth, great plan
Transcript
Boss: I just thought of a great idea for increasing workplace productivity. Carol: Does it involve standing near my workplace and yammering while I try to work? Boss: Geez. Who salted the Earth? Carol: Your plan is going great so far.
Wednesday August 08,
2012
Tags cruelty, office workers, new intern, treated pooryly, perpetuate cycle, abuse, feisty, name
Transcript
Asok: This is my new intern. I haven't bothered to name him yet. I've been treated poorly as an intern, and I'm anxious to perpetuate the cycle of abuse. Man: I have a name! Carol: He's feisty. I like that.


