Office Workers Comic Strips - Page 51

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags boss, office workers, legacy sytems, biggest rind, compost heap, bacteria

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The boss: How would you like to be in charge of legacy systems? Dilbert: That's like being the biggest rind in the compost heap. The boss: Do it anyways. Dilbert: I surrender to the bacteria.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags office workers, valuable, value, legacy system, less valuable, never appear less valuable, dress code troll

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Dilbert: I worry that being assigned to work on the legacy systems will make me appear less valuable in the future. Catbert: You have my word that you could never appear less valuable than you are now. Gilbert: Why do your assurances make me feel worse? Catbert: Your new dress code is "troll."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags temperature, office, rudeness, anger, frustration

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Carol says, "This office is freezing. Why aren't you cold?" Dilbert says, "My brain is much larger than yours. It heats my entire body when I think." Dilbert says, "But whatever you're doing now seems to be working too." Carol thinks, "#!*$0!%"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags acting, lesson, occupation

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The Boss says, "We don't have enough money to fund your project, but I don't want to downsize you and shrink my empire." The Boss says, "I hired an acting coach to teach you how to hang around the office pretending to be useful." man says, "Are you dead or just non-expressive?" Dilbert says, "It's called a 'job'"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags acting, lesson, humor

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Office acting coach man says, "This exercise is called 'the over-worked headcount' man says, "AYOWAAAIEEEOW!" man says, "Can you do that?" Dilbert says, "Are you kidding? I only stop doing it to be polite."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags questions, business, reasoning, thinking, plants

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Dilbert says, "You're watering a plastic plant." man says, "yes, I am." Dilbert says, "Why?" man says, "Funny story." Many says, "Your boss replaced the live plants with plastic ones to save money." man says, "My company has the contract to water your office plants." Man says, "No one ever cancelled our contract." Man says, "Now my career is less important than a gnat's toot in a hurricane." man says, "But it's still way better than sitting in a fabric-covered box all day." Dilbert thinks, "I need to stop talking to people."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags office, poster, cheap, cruel, mena, cannibalism, reading

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Dogbert the CEO The boss says, "The new motivational posers are in." the boss says, "As you requested, I bought the least expensive ones." Dogbert says, "Excuse me while I stretch my wagger." If all else fails?your coworkers are edible

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags carrying, downsizing, cruel, dying, walking, Sports

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Catbert says, "We can save the most money by downsizing the unhealthiest workers first." The boss says, "How do we know who they are?" Catbert says, "We'll close the parking lot that's nearest the building." Asok says, "Should we help them?" Wally says, "It's too late for broccoli."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags stealing, stupidity, confronting, ridiculous, pirate

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Man says, "It's a conflict of interest for you to be our CEO and also a pirate who kidnaps our employees." Dogbert says, "The executive compensation committee approved this arrangement. It's all spelled out in my employment agreement." Man says, "So it is." Dogbert says, "Wait here while I call myself and ransom you back to the office."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags office, Environment, confronting, perception, hot, complaining

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Dilbert says, "We replaced our styrofoam cups with paper cups, but it's not so clear that it helps the planet." The boss says, "We didn?t do it to help the planet. We did it to look like the sort of company that cares about that sort of thing." DIlbert says, "Oh. In that case it's working great." The boss says, "As soon as you stop whining."