Protect Money Comic Strips - Page 51
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626 Results for Protect Money
View 501 - 510 results for protect money comic strips. Discover the best "Protect Money" comics from Dilbert.com.
Saturday March 07,
2015
Alice Is Highest Paid Engineer
Tags #discrimination, #money, #salary, #sexism, #violence, #wages, #Women, #highest paid, #sciccors, #mallet, #reputation
Transcript
Alice: I'm the highest-paid engineer in the department now. Dilbert: Does it have anything to do with those scissors, the mallet, and your reputation for violence? Alice: Would you ask a man that question? Dilbert: Gaaa!!! It's like a super-power!
Wednesday March 11,
2015
How To Make Money While Adding No Value
Tags #ceos, #mentor, #mentors, #mentoring, #protege, #success, #merit, #qualification, #luck money, #wages, #earning, #earn, #money, #salary
Transcript
CEO Mentors Wally. CEO: How would you like me to mentor you, underling? Wally: Can you teach me how to make $25 million per year while adding no value to the company? CEO: I don't know how to teach you that. Wally: Was it all luck or did you have to kill people?
Saturday March 14,
2015
Wally Is Not Hungry To Succeed
Tags #mentor, #mentoring, #protege, #wages, #executives, #ceos, #compensation, #work ethic, #success, #money
Transcript
CEO: I've been mentoring you for a week. Do you feel different? Wally: Yes. Spending time with you makes me feel underpaid. CEO: And that makes you hungry to succeed? Wally: I don't even see how those things are connected.
Sunday March 15,
2015
Tags #executives, #ceos, #raise, #asking for a raise, #compensation, #money, #wages, #comparison, #wage discrepancy, #mansion
Transcript
Boss: I can only give you a 3% raise. If you want more, take it up with our CEO. Dilbert: I'd like to explain why I deserve more than a 3% raise. As a negotiating strategy, Dogbert will simultaneously read a media report about your lavish $85 million mansion. I invented three new technologies this year. Dogbert: "The toilets are solid gold." Dilbert: I wrote most of the code for our new product. Dogbert: "The helicopter pad is on the roof of the car museum." Dilbert: I worked eighty hours per week. Dogbert: "Every elevator has a full kitchen." Dilbert: I could earn more at Google or Apple... Dogbert: "Entire house rotates for optimal sun exposure." Dilbert: Do you see where I'm going with this? CEO: High-five?
Tuesday March 31,
2015
Tina Strings Economic Words Together
Tags #economist, #economy, #deception, #jargon, #prediction, #stock market, #recession, #money
Transcript
Wally The Chief Economist. Tina: My interview with you is live on the website. Nothing you said made sense, so I strung together a bunch of economic jargon and called it your forecast. One Month Later. Computer: Only one economist accurately predicted when this bubble would burst. Dilbert: Uh-oh.
Wednesday April 01,
2015
World's Greatest Economist
Tags #coincidence, #deception, #economist, #economy, #money, #random jargon, #art, #science
Transcript
Dilbert: You are being hailed as the best economist of our age because your random jargon turned out to mean something. Wally: That's nice, but as a professional economist, I only care if there is a cash award. Dilbert: The world's greatest economist should already be rich. Wally: It's more art than science.
Wednesday May 06,
2015
If You Double Your Productivity
Tags #productivity, #work ethic, #reward, #wages, #double-standard, #money
Transcript
Dilbert: If I double my productivity, will you double my pay? Boss: No, but it might increase my bonus. So go ahead. Dilbert: Let's forget I brought it up. Boss: You just earned a "lazy" on your next review.
Monday May 11,
2015
Living Under A Bridge
Tags #debt, #student loans, #loans, #salary, #universities & colleges, #money, #wages
Transcript
Boss: I can offer you a starting salary of $34,000 per year. Man: My student loan debt is $200,000. I would have to live under a bridge and forage for food. Boss: Our bridges have good reputations. Man: I heard the same thing about my college.
Saturday June 27,
2015
Dogbert Advises Dilbert On Escaping
Tags #identity, #hacker, #hacking, #government, #manhunt, #technology, #money, #ruse, #trick, #greed, #betrayal
Transcript
Dilbert: The government threatened to kill me if I don't sell them my anti-hacker app. Dogbert: You should change your identity, give me everything you own, and move to an undisclosed location. Dilbert: Will we have a secret way to stay in contact? Dogbert: You're becoming a burden.
Saturday July 11,
2015
Ceo Is Slave Owner
Tags #slave, #slaves, #slavery, #buying, #pay, #wages, #housework, #house servant, #maid, #maids, #help, #money
Transcript
Wally: I hear you're a slave owner now. CEO: No, nothing like that. All I did was buy some Elbonians on the Internet. Wally: Do they clean your house without pay? CEO: I assume they're a tidy people.