the boss: we had a leadership meeting to decide how to move forward.
the boss: but all the leaders left the meeting with wildly different ideas about what we agreed on.
carol: how do you leaders plan to solve that?
the boss: phase one involves accusing each other of being stupid.
Man: This meeting reminds me of the sixth elbonian revolution. Therefore, logically, this meeting will end with bayonets.
Asok: What's wrong with you?
Man: Can I borrow your pen?
dilbert: why are you mad at me?
Carol: i'm not
dilbert: oh. i'm not good at reading people's feelings
carol: true
dilbert: are you flirting with me now?
carol getting up: i'm going to sit over here
carol talking to distracted boss on cell phone: can i take the day off to attend a funeral?
boss: sure. i didn't even know you were sick.
carol: it's not my own funeral.
boss: oh. in that case, no.
carol: a reporter for buzz flawed wants to interview you.
boss: i don't see any downside to that!
reporter: my first question is, do you still cheat all of your suppliers?
boss: no! of course not.
reporter: so. you're admitting you cheated your suppliers in the past?
boss: get out of my office, you evil monster!
reporter: okay, i got what i needed.
one week later:
voice from boss's smartphone: "the pudgy miscreant could not hide his glee when bragging about cheating his suppliers."
boss: philosophers say loving yourself is the greatest love of all.
carol: do philosophers really say that?
boss: all the good ones do. after years of trying, i have finally learned to love myself.
carol: i'm no philosopher, but instead of learning to love yourself the way you are... wouldn't it be better if you learned how to stop being an evil, ignorant, selfish piece of garbage.
boss: that sounds a lot harder.
carol: in other words, you are lazy.
boss: i love that about me!
carol: it must be difficult to be single in the age of covid-19.
dilbert: it's not too bad, actually. i'm in contract negotiations with a semi-attractive women i met online. with any luck, i will be enjoying a double-masked goodnight kiss by late next month. that assumes our lawyers don't make too many changes to the contract.
carol: did you just say she is only semi-attractive?
dilbert: i'm judging from the parts i can see. i don't know what's under the mask and shower cap she wears all day.
carol: you must like her eyes.
dilbert: i like the one i can see. the other one has a patch.
boss and carol wearing face masks.
boss: i was falsely accused of being a white supremacist and fired. but i won in arbitration and got my job back!
carol: how did you win?
boss: bribery. once you realize the whole system is rotten, it's easier.
dilbert and carol wearing face masks.
dilbert: i'm thinking about writing a novel.
carol yelling: stay in your lane! i'm not ambitious and i have intense hate-jealousy for anyone who is!
dilbert: i was looking for some encouragement.
carol: die! die! die!
Carol: you should see a therapist about your narcissism.
dilbert: if i'm happy and you're unhappy, doesn't that mean you should see a therapist and i should stay the way i am?
carol: no, that's totally wrong, but give me a minute to come up with a reason.
