Perfect Woman Comic Strips - Page 51

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670 Results for Perfect Woman

View 501 - 510 results for perfect woman comic strips. Discover the best "Perfect Woman" comics from Dilbert.com.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #renounced addcition, #internet, #giving advice, #wifi booster, #signal booster, #technology

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Ratbert: You'd be happier if you renounced your addiction to the internet and lived for the moment. Dilbert: Are you referring to the moment when there's a rat on my bed giving me bad advice? RatBert: How about now?" Dilbert: Perfect. Don't chew on the wi-fi signal booster.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #bad raise, #boss, #fired, #managing expectations, #heartless

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The Boss: You're fired! woman: Gaaa!!!" The Boss: Not really. But now this 2% raise won't seem so bad. This job is all about managing expectations."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #count on cooperation, #scent of failure, #bath, #submerged, #fix it

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Dilbert says, "Can I could on your cooperation for the next phase of the project?" Woman says, "No." Woman says, "You emit the musky scent of failure. Women can detect that sort of thing." Dilbert says, "Would a bath fix it?" Woman says, "How long are you willing to stay submerged?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #tool belt, #wear, #date, #squirrel satellite dish, #user

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woman: "Dilbert, when you come over tonight, wear your toolbelt." Dilbert says, "Because it's sexy?" woman: "That would be between you and the squirrel that keeps chewing the cable from my satellite dish."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #fixed satellite, #surround sound, #water filter, #dates fix it guys

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Dilbert says, "I fixed your satellite dish connection and tuned your surround sound system. Now can we go on our date?" A womany says, "That was our date. In ten minutes I'm dating a guy who will replace the water filter in my refrigerator." Dilbert says, "I can do that." A woman says, "You're welcome to stay and fight him for it."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #rumor control, #paid per rumor, #terrorit training campo, #exotic dancer, #weekends

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Dogbert says, "I'm from the Dogbert Rumor Control Service." Dogbert says, "People are saying Ted is an exotic male dancer on weekends. I know it isn't true because he spends all of his free time in a terrorist training camp." Alice says, "Isn't that worse?" Dogbert says, "I get paid per rumor. It's not a perfect system."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #dead squirrel, #insulting, #knitting sweater, #makeup, #meeting, #no potential benefit, #time management, #time management expert, #woman as example, #hideous outfit, #business

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Dogbert the Time Management Expert Dogbert says, "Never put time into an activity that has no potential benefit." Dogbert says, "For example, why bother putting on makeup if you're going to wear that hideous outfit?" Dogbert says, "That's like knitting a sweater for a dead squirrel."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #moral compass, #damaged, #groomed for management, #coffee in face, #wrong

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A woman says, "I hear your moral compass is damaged and you're being groomed for upper management." SPLOISH! Dilbert says, "Was that wrong? Because I can't tell."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #good hand, #back rub, #sling, #injured, #make me happy, #elbows

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A woman says, "Maybe later you can give me a back rub with your good hand." Dilbert says, "I don't have a good hand. But one of my elbows doesn't hurt too much." The woman says, "I feel like you're not even trying to make me happy."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #therapy, #addiction, #job posting, #dung beetlke, #epileptic cow, #disturbing imagery, #couch, #shrink, #current job, #unsatifying, #psychology

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A woman says, "How long have you been addicted to ogling online job postings?" Alice says, "It started when I realized my current job is like a dung beetle trying to mate with an epileptic cow." The woman says, "That imagery is disturbing." Alice says, "I know, right?"