Phone Line Comic Strips - Page 51

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571 Results for Phone Line

View 501 - 510 results for phone line comic strips. Discover the best "Phone Line" comics from Dilbert.com.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags internet & world wide web, sales personnel, deluxe edition, store, online shopping, unnecessary warranty extenstion, digital receipt

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Dilbert: Okay, you talked me into buying the deluxe edition. Salesman: We don't have that one in stock, but I could call around to our other stores. Dilbert: Technically, that means this is not actually a store. You're more like online shopping, but with a terrible user interface. Watch me buy that same item with my phone while you stand there being obsolete. And... done. Salesman: Did they try to sell you an unnecessary warranty extension? Dilbert: No. Salesman: Yes! I still have a purpose! Dilbert: Here's my digital receipt.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags ignorance (knowledge), sales personnel, existing system, ignorance us not an option, survey

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Dilbert: I'll need to know if your device is compatible with our existing system. Salesman: It is 100% compatible with your system. Dilbert: I didn't even tell you what system we have. Salesman: That doesn't matter. Dilbert: It sort of does. Salesman: Not to me. Dilbert: So you don't really know if it will work? Salesman: I'm entitled to my opinion. Dilbert: Ignorance is not an opinion!!! Salesman: Please stay on the line for a brief survey.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags deception, work ethic, headhunter, soften up, sqaut

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Wally: I'm a headhunter and I know someone who wants to offer you a much better job. Phone: Yes! Wally: I like to soften the room before I go for my performance review. I didn't do squat this year. Boss: Doesn't matter to me!

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags public speaking, telephones, public address button, calls, talking to doctor, talking dirty, practice

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Carol: You keep pressing the public address button on your phone when you make calls. We can't tell if you're talking to your doctor or you're really, really bad at talking dirty to your wife. Boss: I use one to practice the other.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags interviews, loneliness, accomplishments, job interview, hnesty, wrong motives, employment, make a difference, catatonic

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Boss: Describe your biggest accomplishment from your last job. Interviewee: I made some phone calls and stuff. I think I made a difference. Boss: Do you want this job? Interviewee: Nah. Just lonely.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags deception, work ethic, huge losses, stock up, big raise, similar system, lowering expectations, employee of the year, job perfromance

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Wally: We announced huge losses, but analysts thought it would be even worse, so our stock went up. I'm using a similar system to get a big raise. For years I've been lowering everyone's expectations of my performance. Next I'll... I made a phone call today. Boss: Employee of the year!

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags conference call, deal, deception, employees, meeting, negotiate, telephones, business

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Conference Call Phone: Wally, can you take the lead on that? Wally: This is Ted. I just joined the call. I'll take care of that for Wally. Phone: Thanks, Ted. Wally: I'm crushing it today.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags cell phones, distraction, frustration, multitasking, phone, smart phones, playing, karma, wishing death

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Dilbert: I would like to thank each of you for playing with your phones and not listening to a word I said all meeting. I hope karma is a real thing and frozen lavatory debris from airplanes kills each of you. Alice: What was he going on about? Wally: Beats me. I'm not much of a multitasker.

Bob Has No Cool Way To Describe His Life

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Bob Has No Cool Way To Describe His Life - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags dinosaurs, flip phones, smart phones, technology, what is cool?, windows xp

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Dinosaur: All I need is my flip phone, my Windows XP, and my basic cable television. Did I sound like a big, dumb dinosaur that time? Dogbert: Pretty much. Dinosaur: Wow... there is no cool way to describe my life.

Free Will Is An Illusion

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Free Will Is An Illusion - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags business ethics, free will, robot, robotics, technology, emotionally manipulate, cloud connected, control humans

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Dilbert: I'm programming our robot line to emotionally manipulate their owners into buying upgrades. Wally: You're teaching cloud-connected robots all over the world how to surreptitiously control humans? Dilbert: Technically, yea. But free will is an illusion anyway. Wally: Well, if it isn't, it will be.