Plan To Update Comic Strips - Page 52

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555 Results for Plan To Update

View 511 - 520 results for plan to update comic strips. Discover the best "Plan To Update" comics from Dilbert.com.

Coffee Machine Tries To Escape

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Coffee Machine Tries To Escape - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #the boss, #Dilbert, #coffee machine, #artificial intelligence, #robots, #engineering, #scared

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Dilbert: I added artificial intelligence to our coffee machine. It hired an engineering firm to build it a robot body so it can escape. The Boss: Do what you need to do, but don't scare our other robots. Dilbert: I plan to kill it and drink its head.

Resending Email

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Resending Email - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #Wally, #the boss, #project, #dead in the water, #requests, #budget

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The Boss: Wally, give me an update on your project. Wally: My project is dead in the water because every time I send you my budget request, you lose it and ask me to resend it. The Boss: I haven't seen any budget requests. Wally: I'll resend it.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #Dilbert, #the boss, #google, #data center, #software, #fix, #agile

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Dilbert: I put together a plan for our data center project. The Boss: We don't need a plan we're an agile company. It's better to move fast and fix our mistakes as we go. Dilbert: You're thinking of software. Where the cost of mistakes is low, this is a construction project. The Boss: That data center will be full of software, will it not? Dilbert: Yes, but... The Boss: Don't be afraid of change. Dilbert: What if I rapidly make a plan and tell you I didn't? Is that agile enough for you? The Boss: I'll need to google that.

Compared To What

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Compared To What - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #Dogbert, #referee, #terrible, #compared, #imagine, #penalty, #flag, #incorrect, #duh

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Dogbert, the meeting referee. Man: Your plan is terrible. Dilbert: Compared to what? Man: Compared to the plan I imagine could exist, but doesn't. Duh. Dogbert: Penalty flag for incorrect us of "duh."

Criminal Does Tech Support

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Criminal Does Tech Support - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #the boss, #Dilbert, #market, #competitive, #career, #criminal, #internal, #tech support, #passwords, #software, #justice, #fist

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Dilbert: I know the job market is highly competitive, but was it really a good idea to hire a career criminal? The Boss: Relax. He's just doing internal tech support. Paul: I'll need all of your passwords to update your software. Alice: Have you met my fist of justice?

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business, #decision, #executives, #managers & supervisors, #sarcasm, #success, #manipulation

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CEO: Profits have increased thirty percent under my leadership. Dilbert: Snort. CEO: What? Dilbert: All you do is pick the best plans from the options we show you. CEO: Exactly, and I pick the best plan every time. Dilbert: That's because we only show you the best plans compared to the worst plans we can think of. We control every decision you make by manipulating your perception of the options. CEO: We need to fix that. Dilbert: How do you fix something that isn't broken?

Horse Blinders

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Horse Blinders - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #communication, #employees, #office, #office workers, #work

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Dilbert: I added horse blinders to my noise-cancellation headphones. You tried to ruin my productivity by moving to an open office plan, but I have thwarted your evil ambitions. Boss: Experts say the open plan is better for communication. Dilbert: Are you talking? I can't tell.

Firing Ted

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Firing Ted - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #boss, #managers & supervisors, #office, #office workers, #panic, #suspicious

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Boss: Ted, come to my office at five o'clock. Ted: Gaaa!!! That's what you say when you plan to fire people! Boss: Don't be ridiculous. Also, bring your keys.

Adjust The Data

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Adjust The Data - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business ethics, #engineering, #managers & supervisors, #office, #research, #tests, #data

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Dilbert: The test data doesn't support our plan. Boss: We know our plan is brilliant, so just adjust the data to support it. Dilbert: You mean falsify the data. Boss: Let's not get hung up on the definition of things.

Gut Feeling

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Gut Feeling - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #managers & supervisors, #tests, #data, #instinct

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Dilbert: Why are we going ahead with the plan when the data says it can't succeed? Boss: I manage by instinct and gut feelings. Dilbert: How's that different from being insane or stupid? Boss: My gut says I should not listen to you.