Ceo Comic Strips - Page 52

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627 Results for Ceo

View 511 - 520 results for CEO comic strips. Discover the best "Ceo" comics from Dilbert.com.

Ceo Sits On His Wallet

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Ceo Sits On His Wallet - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags complaining, perspective, suffering, competition

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CEO: I hate to complain, but it hurts when I sit on my wallet for too long. Asok: I risked an honor killing to pay my rent. CEO: This is why I hate to complain. Asok: I know a hundred ways to eat a spider.

Fire The Bottom Ten Percent

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Fire The Bottom Ten Percent - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags rank, hierarchy, value, fired, termination, layoff, logic, executives

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CEO: I want you to fire the employees you ranked in the bottom ten percent. Boss: Wouldn't that just put someone else in the bottom ten percent? CEO: Everything made sense until you started talking. Boss: Sorry.

Gawful Media Company

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Gawful Media Company - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags merger, acquisition, gawker, morals, executives, decision, information

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CEO: The board is proud to announce that we will be acquiring the Gawful Media Company. Dilbert: Are you aware that Gawful is so despicable that a crime bill has their name on it? CEO: Hey, don't blame me. I told the board that someone should Google them.

Accidentally Buying A Tainted Company

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Accidentally Buying A Tainted Company - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags merger, acquisition, gawker, reputation, infamy

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CEO: I accidentally talked the board into buying a company that has a tainted reputation. Catbert: How bad is the taint? CEO: Imagine Hitler's unwashed socks. Catbert: That isn't so bad. CEO: I'm just getting started. Now imagine I make you eat those socks...

Internet Wants Ceo To Die

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Internet Wants Ceo To Die - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags anger, shame, unpopular, popularity, public relations, gawker

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CEO: The company we acquired is making us look bad. Dilbert: How bad? CEO: The internet is demanding that I drink poison and apologize to the world while I die. What should I do? Dilbert: Well, I'm no doctor, but I'd go with something fast-acting.

Blame Rolls Downhill

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Blame Rolls Downhill - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags blame, responsibility, management

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Boss: Our CEO blamed the Sales department for our low revenue. Sales blamed Marketing and Marketing blamed Engineering. Guess why I'm here. Dilbert: To shield me from unfair accusations?

Employee Weight Loss Contest

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Employee Weight Loss Contest - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags obesity, health, weight loss, weight, dieting, cheating, competition, medical

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CEO: Next month is employee health awareness month, so we decided to have a weight-loss competition. We'll start on the first of the month, and the winner gets a week of paid vacation. Wally: When he thinks back on this, he'll realize he shouldn't have given us three weeks to bulk up before the first weigh-in.

Airport Scanners

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Airport Scanners - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags video, security camera, tsa, air travel

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CEO: I heard you appeared naked on Elbonian television. Dilbert: I did? CEO: The only television show in Elbonia is a live feed from their airport full-body scanners. Dilbert: That can't be true. CEO: One of our subsidiaries built the system. Here's you.

Ceo Fixes His Problem

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Ceo Fixes His Problem - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags product safety, danger, battery, recall, cell phone, samsung, media, Entertainment, technology

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CEO: The press says I need to resign because of our exploding phones fiasco. Dilbert: Maybe you can change their minds by sending the press our new model that doesn't explode. CEO: I already sent them the exploding phones and said it was our new models. Your way left too much to chance.

Cartoonist Says Something Bad On Social Media Real

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Cartoonist Says Something Bad On Social Media Real - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags engineers, sociopath, pathology, hit man, murder, killing, morals, emotions

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CEO: The famous cartoonist we hired to be our spokesperson said something bad on social media. Boss: Oh no. How bad is it? CEO: Our board voted to kill him. Do you know any sociopaths? Boss: I'm head of Engineering. CEO: Good point. Pick any one of them.